pilgrim

maggie -- ignore the rules rules - the world is made a much better place by those who question and ignore the rules -- martin luther (both of them) did a splendid job!!

the string of this thread (that looks very odd when typed and may be an oxymoron or indeed sum up the paradox of the whole Santa question) has nicely, as usual, spread along many and different pathways, however, I believe that Pratchett could have solved the matter, but as he is no longer available in this multiverse, I had to consider other means. Two of my old school friends now hold chairs in very prestigious universities, so I thought I would ask them. One was recently appointed a fellow of the royal society, so I thought that would be a good place to start. When I posed the difficulties in trying to plumb the depths of the belly button/toe fluff problem and explaining the theories put forward on this very site he looked somewhat blank, (or maybe he just blankly at me) but then again his field is bio chemistry and obviously the multiverse concept was beyond him, so I will forgive his ignorance. The Santa thing did trigger some recognition, so his cognitive powers have not yet descended into a sea of port at high table, and he may have the answer to part of it regarding the consumption of offerings laid out for Santa. Apparently this matter was resolved by Pythagoras and we have overlooked the answer beneath our noses!! he explained it is quite simple -- Pi=pastry over meat (savoury or otherwise) and all pies follow this rule so we do not need a definition for the 'mince pie' as it has been there all along, otherwise it would be a quiche!! On the NCC meeting question -- he suspects there is no answer within this universe to council meetings, as they seem to be 'otherworldy' and suspects the answer is to ship them all off to another universe where apparently they live already (I think this was originally postulated in the Hitchhikers Guide and applied to telephone hygienists and certain others. he will raise the subject within the Royal Society, but suspects that the greatest minds in the universe will never be able to fathom council meetings - and suspects an alien conspiracy as College meetings and others seem to go the same way.

perhaps propaganda is too strong a word .. disinformation is perhaps more acurate. the press inflate incidents and denigrate their responsibilities by falsehoods ( nice to see the witch-hunt regarding a memo on the Broadwater riots, which at the time was a valid opinion and comment - I note that the same newspaper has not published its redline banner headlines from the same period, nor the many other reports over the years) the question you have to ask is - what do they know that I don't? and how reliable is that and do I trust these people? (the press I mean and I suppose most politicians) this present situation will not go away (although - actually it will as all things do) its how we deal with it now and in the best way. do we grasp the opportunity to alienate a huge swathe of our population which we rely on or do we embrace the opportunity to be inclusive? I would be interested to see what level of security clearance those who are most vociferous on the subject have....................

it is also the absolute and only word that sums up and can be used to express the feeling that you get when having verbally performed the ultimate 'faux pas' - that moment when you achieve the pinnacle that all contortionists dream of, of being able to put both feet into your mouth at the same time. we must thank the tinternet for this, and the invention of the mobile 'phone -- that moment when you press send with a message for your other half describing her mother and the dreaded moment of self doubt when you realise you have sent that mss to her mothers mobile. that moment immediately after you press send on 'tinternet' for a 'social networking' site and realise - bugga that wasn't put into a private mss. I was at a social drinks thingy with neighbours last week and one of them was a bishop (another neighbour), the drinks were welcome and flowing, all was well in the world and most convivial, with good food and company, I said to her - ya not a bad looking lass and I like ya way of thinking -- the reply was -- don't get ya hopes up - I'm a lesbian.. and the world fell silent with only the falling of snowflakes sounding like thunder... a double DOH. Eggy I must thank you for the poster - which gives the most definitive explanation of 'DOH' ever - its a head in the hands moment, an, 'I wish I was a time traveller', moment - a one of those - ok I had a drink last night but did I really say that? and of course we all know that with drink only the perpetrator can not recall the event, but no matter how much drink has been consumed by other parties they can all recall every detail!!! perhaps the 'DOH' is the modern version of the godguilt thing which makes us all behave and mend our ways..............until the next time - the 'DOH can only be viewed as 'humbling' and we all suffer from it at some time

malcolm -- did you pick that up as a reult of tending council meetings???

i did mention a march for peace and against daesh - organised by would you belive the Mosques in Newcastle. I see that whilst our fellow brits are suffering due to flooding, other fellow brits are looting the properties and stealing, The army has been deployed to assist with sandbagging etc. several biker gangs have deployed themselves to patrol the streets to deter looters, with the backing of the police (now theres a group that is discriminated against - you can put a sign in a pub 'no bikers' but nothing else can be banned) and on a final note - many folk have travelled to York from the surrounding areas to fill sandbags, some from as far away as Benwell and other parts of Newcastle . they are all muslims and it was organised by the Mosques councils. Maybe we should try speaking to them instead of juts condemning as it seems to me they have a far better insight than the press and if you want to play the numbers game there would appear to be a higher proportion doing good works than among the general population..

if its good enough for homer simpson its good enough for the great british public.

I note that the NASA provision of Santa's progress seems to be quite accurate, but I suspect that the tracking 'apps' supplied by postal firms are solely there to lull you into a false sense that all is well in the world, is a bit like saying 'it's in the post'!!! On the subject of navel accretions, I have noticed a similarity with the detritus gathered between the lower digits after the application of new socks and the accumulation of deposits in the middle regions, but have noticed a distinct difference in their composition as one has a particularly odiferous resonance. HOWEVER – you may have stumbled upon the real truth of the universe, both disproving the Einsteinian idea of e=mc2 and proving the existence of the multiverse. Given that said accumulations far outweigh what could be expected from the fibres from clothing (I may embark on a project to collect said matter from these locations over the forthcoming year and weigh them to compare against any weight loss from my wardrobe – well you have to have a hobby don't you?) it leads me to postulate that these deposits are indeed of a trans dimensional origin, this influx of mass from external forces would lead to mini black holes close you your wallet/purse, thus explaining the disappearance of cash at this time of year., and also the requirement of 'fairies' to place the extraneous matter. Further proof of this is the fact that every year I have socks given as Christmas presents but no one admits to giving them!!! I will check all the last 30 yers of Dr Who scripts for valid references but I suspect that even he has not caught on to this as yet..

i think its a female deer .................... but thats according to the sound of music ... damn those foreigners again stealing all the best music oops I seem to recall they were refugees as well so obviously have nothing of worth to contribute to our society...

ah now i understand -- tomorrow i will be building a green button to keep by my keyboard and when i feel a rant coming on i will press it profusely ..after all i find myself totally agreeable - although herself says otherwise!!! (now theres a thought - I wonder if I can get the green button to dispense copious amounts of 'milk of amnesia' ..am having a rather nice burgundy at the moment when pressed?)

being somewhat rural - and having noted the theory of the multiverse .... does that mean that we should put a multiverse addendum to the post code and thereby get post within its 'sell by' date instead of waiting for the pigeon? it is astounding that I can get a passport from Glasgow sent by m/cycle courier with no charge (it wasn't fast tracked) within a week and also DBS clearance within 10 days of posting and yet it takes NCC 8 months to explain why they sold my mothers grave plot -- oops I fibbed -- it is over a year and they still haven't replied.. and why the DWP live in a different world/time to the rest of us .. I'm thinking that when they sell off what's left of the 'ROYAL@ mail they should maybe speak to Santa (or amazon since they seem to be more capable) I suspect a plot!!!! I demand more rights for reindeer and full employment with a minimum wage and as much grass and mushrooms as they can eat. .... webtrekker.. a black hole is easily explained -- they were thought to be quasi real objects to explain the relative amounts of mass in the universe and the gravitational effects seen by the bending of light from far distant places - but as you have proved they exist in reality in everyones pocket/wallet/purse ... considering that a black hole is an infinite gravitational field (although infinity is only the term for the limits of what we can comprehend and there may be a greater infinity - as in the amount of money poured into certain parts of the county) I would therefore ask you to contemplate a greater mystery which affects us all --- why is belly button fluff all the same colour and consistency no matter what you wear? now that is amazing...

for some reason the site wouldnt let me finish that - how about the Quakers - port sunlight etc etc and they believed in workers being looked after - probably the precursor of the 'welfare state' is there a problem that folk of a particular belief system or ethnicity should want to live with their own kith and kin?? - oh no that would be terrible turning a part of England into a foreign place -- nowt like tennerife or spain or the Languedoc or provence then???

interesting that the connotation of ghetto is coloured by the 2nd world war (not to be confused with the 3rd 4th and 5th world wars we are having now!) and the Jewish connotation. France has had a 'ghettos' for 60 yrs or more - indeed in the UK we had them for the Jewish community -- please not that there were at least two expulsions from Britain regarding that and of course the persecution and expulsion of Catholics ( Do not denigrate Henry - the schism with Rome was all about alum and other things and of course caused the birth of ICI -- or is that taking the Pi** - think on that one lol) we welcomed the Huguenots

Perhaps we should have a policy of not allowing anyone into the 'shire' unless they can prove at least 5 generations of unbroken ancestry in the shire (i mean genetic proof !! now how many could do that considering the dim and distant and at times murky past?) How many places of worship are in the shire? (not including licensed premises!!) and how many different modes of worship/belief do they represent? (I note the Salvation Army are the first and only ones to step into the breach with food and hands on actual help in the flood areas!!) A belief is exactly what it says - something that suits your mindset but not always backed by evidence. Since the world of 'tinternet' came upon us we can find 'facts' to justify anything (eg Wikipedia which had huge problems due to lack of peer review and any old 'shiite' was being posted as 'fact') The press sell papers - at a loss - it costs more to print and distribute than the selling price, so the deficit is and always has been made up with advertising - now how does that work?? oh yes shout loud and grab attention, after all the proletariat will have forgot what was said by the weekend. (consider why folk buy a particular newspaper - because it suits what they want to hear!) Maybe the answer to the 'Tesco' problem is there - build a mosque - Haj to the Market Place all year round instead of just Fri and Sat nights And maybe for those not convinced have a look at the march for peace and condemnation of Daesh in Newcastle (3rd Jan I think) organised by - oh dear - the mosques!!

i think i may have found the decisive test for the season of goodwill. i have always been amazed at the extremes of good and evil that mankind can inflict upon themselves, but when I see a Jew marry a Muslim in a southern Baptist church presided over by a female catholic priest -- then I will truly believe...

always glad to help - from a sideways view lol

well at least you found a driver that took a pride in his carriage.. er ... you should have checked if the windscreen wipers were on the inside ... its always a clue...

ah - i see a problem and must challenge your hypothesis on the 'Santa' question (which must be on the minds of all political types at this time) - you have failed to factor in the major problems - ergo (damn foreign talk again) assuming the ingestion of some 91.9 million mince pies and the same amount of glasses of sherry within 36 hours one has to consider the effects on the internal processes. Now QED (damn those foreigners for thinking of that phrase) we all know that a latrinal visitation is not required for the first 3 pints but once that threshold is passed it is a irrebuttable and continuous process, which cannot be denied. this must be considered on the time scale you have promulgated. (also do not forget the alcohol induced craving for a kebab which cannot be denied) therefore the timescale is impossible. If this can be negated by proposing that 'Santa' has no need to do that sort of thing - then you must factor in the mass/weight of said 91.9 million glasses of sherry and mince pies, which would drastically increase the mass and therefore the energy needed to propel the sleigh, now them reindeer are big things but there are only a finite amount harnessed up - ask any child and they will give you their names... the alternative is the most humungous colostomy bag or nappy - which sort of takes away the whole xmas card Idyll and that in itself would increase the weight - although I can see his 'get out' he could 'dump' the contents of the bag and no one would notice if he labelled it 'NCC Policy Document' (It worked for Noah, but when it was found by Columbus he called it America) all the festering greetings of the season

Vic ??? you have 1.5 billion children?? no wonder social services and benefits agency have no money left !!!!!!!!!!!! ( I suggest you get a television and a hobby! - although I have to admire your stamina..) Although in this festering season I must thank all for the wonderful entertainment - laughs, and at times heightened blood pressure the posts on here have provided me with, not forgetting the eye leakage of nostalgia and a sense of times forgot and perhaps lost. I do hope your bells are decked with holly.

maybe mike neville and george house should be ressurectd to teach 'english' in schools - although they still wouldn't understand anyone from ashington..... (I can speak Polish after enough vodka -- all them z's..) err - tarring his brush ? is that a euphemism for what I think it might be???

on the progeny theme .. that reminded of the tale of a young white english female who had 10 offspring of tender years all of whom were called Dwayne. When asked why she expianed it made it easier to call them all in for meals at the same time. When pressed on how she managed to address an individual among her horde she responded - thats easy - i just use their fathers surname.......... nuff said i have consisitently found a far higher work ethic in an integrated ethnic group and a far higher traditional level of family values in the same demographic than in comparable 'local' families. On the taxi driver -- would you really want to sit in the front seat?? after all what does he do there when he's waiting for a fare for all those hours????

road works ? ooo does that include the dualling of the A1? don't be silly -- does it mean 4 sets of resurfacing on the same stretch of A1in 2 years? does it mean there is an integrated road plan for the WHOLE county -- don't be daft .. but we have a road that goes from nowhere to nowhere that will not used -- damn - silly me - of course it will -- as soon as the county hall is moved and a building that isn't fit for purpose as a county hall is deemed fit for purpose as a school? still puzzled about that one... and it means that the school grounds can be sold off for housing - with ..... ooo a magical transport link right next door and of course we do not need the whole messed about with actual care for the mental health issues or those old folk that get in the way with their totally unnecessary requirements for care NCC -- NO COMMON Sense (ok I stretched that one)

i think we may be missing the crux of the matter -- the person is not the state - in the shire there are many folk of the shall we say 'Saracen' persuasion (I struggled for a non insulting or inflammatory word there - but perhaps that puts it into context - this is not a new thing) we know them - but not properly - we talk to them but not properly - we trade with them - and yet as members of the community there is no discourse or even ever question of what the 'other side' view is - maybe that's a starting point. Saudi -- ah well interesting attitude - I took some very senior types for 6 months -- horrific... oh and its the Royal Kingdom otherwise they get really miffed. (re fighting - look at how the Saudi and Emirates came to power -- UK backed) - and of course look at the trucial oman scouts , BATT, and various other things) on the language thing my mother was professionally capable in Italian and spent 6 mths a yr there for 20 yrs -- and she still spoke loudly and said Si a lot - that's the way to deal with them johhny foreigners!! (accompanied with many hand gestures of course) I have been in many countries and do speak several languages - albeit badly - but would actually prefer to struggle along in English rather than insult my host with very bad native language. Its give and take and we miss the point of how do the 'incomers' feel because of adverse publicity and hype and of course fear feel?? I should think very threatened. so............ go out over the xmas - smile sing - get ratted - call in and get a kebab - sympathise with the greek situation. call in and get a Chinese -- sympathise with the banking issues - get a kebab/pizza/whatever from a muslim - buy your booze from the corner shop - but just for once try looking at them as human and actually speak to them as you would a neighbour over the garden fence. that way we can break down all this sh**e that is going on

it was a gift that we didnt realise how powerful it was and then adopted it and abused it - sic transit gloria mundi -- oh bugga thats some of that foreign stuff.........

i knew it was all going wrong when they started using them foreign weights and measures -- i still work in pounds and inches -- damn foriegners giving us 90% of our language and culture and opening up those subversive thoughts of calculus etc.