Malcolm Robinson

Wasn't Kendo Nagasaki some sort of faith healer as well??

Tee-heee

In reply to the post title, no but I have felt like Les Kellet! Interesting factoid, Les' nephew lived in Bishops Meadow. For anyone who grew up watching Saturday teatime telly in the 60's. ps.. we should make this is a sport - 'identify the forum member'...... I think foxy already does!

Bronze to Beauty.......... Must be our ladies who lunch merc... Good luck to them at least it shows some faith in Front Street if not Bedlington as a commercial centre!

Tommy Cooper lives ... I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper . . . dicing with death! So I rang up British Telecom and said: 'I want to report a nuisance caller.' He said: 'Not you again.' Albinos - you can't say fairer than that. I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah and I thought: 'He's trying to pull a fast one.' So I said to this train driver: 'I want to go to Paris.' He said: 'Eurostar?' I said: 'I've been on telly, but I'm no Dean Martin.' Beware of Alphabet Grenades. If you throw them, it could spell disaster. I was walking down the road the other day and I saw this advert in the window that said: 'Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.' I thought: 'I can't turn that down.' A friend of mine always wanted to be run over by a steam train. When it happened, he was chuffed to bits! Black beauty - he's a dark horse. I wanted to be a milkman - but I didn't have the bottle I rang up my local swimming baths. I said: 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said: 'It depends where you're calling from.' So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: 'I can't make Tuesdays.' The advantage of easy origami is twofold... This bloke says to me: 'Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?' I thought: 'That's all I need, a Je-hoover's witness.' I'm against hunting. In fact, I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox. My next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes - he's a catholic converter. I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags - he's bisatchel. So I went down the local supermarket. I said: 'I want to make a complaint - this vinegar's got lumps in it.' He said: 'Those are pickled onions.' I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself. . I used go out with an anaesthetist - she was a local girl. Did you know that if a stick insect laid its eggs in a jar of Bovril it would give birth to a litter of Twiglets? So I got home and the phone was ringing. I picked it up and said: 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said: 'You are.' During the war, my grandfather could not stop scribbling. He got hit by a Doodlebug. I've got a front door made from sponge. Don't knock it. I've played football on a plane, you know . . . there I was, running up the wing! I went to the butchers the other day and the butcher said: 'I bet you £5 you can't guess the weight of that meat on the top shelf.' 'I'm not gambling,' I said. 'The steaks are too high.' I threw some snow at my girlfriend. She didn't catch my drift. Did you hear Handel has teamed up with Hinge and Bracket? They've formed The Doors. I was taking the motorway out of London. A policeman pulled me over and said: 'Put it back.' So I went down my local icecream shop and said: 'I want to buy an icecream.' He said: 'Hundreds and thousands?' I said: 'We'll start with the one.' When I left home, my mum said: 'Don't forget to write.' I thought: 'That's unlikely - it's a basic skill, isn't it?' Velcro . . . what a ripoff. So I met a gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants. It was Weggie Kray. I went to the record shop and I said: 'What have you got by The Doors?' He said: 'A bucket of sand and a fire blanket!' You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen which said 'parking fine'. So that was nice. What do you call a lady with big teeth who sleeps in the afternoon? Siesta Rantzen. I was in the Army once and the sergeant said to me: 'What does surrender mean?' I said: 'I give up!' I have spent the afternoon re-arranging the furniture in Dracula's house . . . I was doing a bit of Fang-Shui. When it comes to cosmetic surgery, a lot of people turn their noses up.

An economist would call it the Laffer Curve............. http://www.forbes.com/sites/beltway/2011/04/04/a-victory-for-the-laffer-curve-a-defeat-for-englands-economy/

Your are getting there Adam, we are also printing money, allowing the currency to depreciate therebye importing inflation, still borrowing to cover running costs and taxing the backside off everyone. It will end in tears I only hope they are the great and good's tears.........

Again 2011........

2011..........

A Scottish Soldier, in full dress uniform, marches into a pharmacy. Very carefully he opens his sporran and pulls out a neatly folded cotton bandana, unfolds it to reveal a smaller silk square handkerchief, which he also unfolds - to reveal a condom. The condom has a number of patches on it. The chemist holds it up and eyes it critically. "How much to repair it?' The Scot asks the chemist. "Six pence" says the chemist. "How much for a new one?" "Ten pence" says the chemist. The Scot painstakingly folds the condom into the silk square handkerchief and the cotton bandana, replaces it carefully in his sporran, and marches out of the door, shoulders back and kilt swinging. A moment or two later the chemist hears a great shout go up outside, followed by an even greater shout. The Scottish soldier marches back into the chemists and addresses the proprietor, this time with a grin on his face. "The regiment has taken a vote," he says. "We'll have a new one."

I AM SPARTACUS,,...errr foxy!

Maybe he took a lead off Mike Reid...........the Mary Whitehouse of Radio 1?????? http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/3395823.stm

GET OUT NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-17835821

Lets get this sort of thing stamped out........................ http://www.journallive.co.uk/northumberland-sites/bedlington-northumberland/bedlington-news/2012/04/20/teenager-assaulted-in-gallagher-park-bedlington-61634-30802505/

We have never dipped into anything, we have been hiding and massaging the figures for years.......................... We are bouncing along a plinth with a steep fall at one side and a mountain to climb at the other. Heads or tails its a bad place to be.

I think I saw one of your sermons Keith.........

Pete, The footballers actually have it pretty good..............well for about 1 month at the start of the season after that the pitches are all played out! Then looking at things like changing rooms, toilets etc............unbelievable! 30,000 people and no facilities..........its just plain ridiculous!

Adam, With any luck it won't be us that's doomed rather the people forcing us into unsustainable ways of living who might feel the wrath for a change. Not that there is any precedent of course………. There looks to be a whole geo-political change being forced onto the West as wealth disappears eastwards and once they had our jobs who didn't see that coming? Err, well everyone in charge and those outsourcing jobs! This is in the last 2 or 3 decades so we have livid through this stuff and we should be able to see where the mistakes were made. America is bankrupt by any definition of the word, Europe is imploding and while we (UK) smugly sit on the sidelines our economy has already disappeared up the genie's back passage! The thing is what all those in charge seem to forget or not allow for is the anthropological question. They have controlled us by allowing us to feel wealthier and better off but having to allow that to get out of hand and using unsustainable debt to carry it on has produced a quantum moment in our social development. We will see more nationalistic undercurrents at play in our political futures, and if anyone doesn't believe that look at the French Presidential elections and the courting of Marine by Sarko and Holland going on. That is diametrically opposed to any furthering on EU integration in fact it has to produce the opposite effect. So while all member states bankrupt themselves trying to sort out the EU sovereign debt crisis the people will probably vote for some form of separatism and walk away from debt payments and so bring the whole pack of cards crashing down. I think we are living in interesting times and that Mayan Long Count Calendar might have been right all along!

Central banking 101..........

:D A common misconception of the gender!

Yes Pete is a mine of information.............

If you like it pass it around your networks!

Patron saint imported, Sovereign imported Religion imported Laws imported and people complain about our multiculturalism!

Not really crash11 but interesting EU point none the less............