webtrekker
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Everything posted by webtrekker
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Nelly Halliday? Seems to ring a bell. (Sorry, couldn't help it! ). I travelled on the old elastic-sided bus many times but can never remember getting an actual ticket. Mind you, I've got a memory like a ..... you know .... one of those things with the holes in .....
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I doubt whether kids can play conkers these days with all the ridiculous 'Nanny State' Health & Safety rules. Even if they were allowed, they'd probably need safety glasses and protective gloves as a minimum! There'd be no point anyway as most schools won't allow a pupil to 'lose' in case it affects them mentally for the rest of their lives. How the hell did we all survive then?
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Not Bedlington related, but I also have a ticket for Batty's buses of Morpeth. Might be of interest to anyone who ever travelled on it or knew Jim Batty in person.
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Anyone remember these? I bought this from a dealer on the internet. I can't remember ever being given a ticket myself on the 'Beck,' but they must have had them as I believe they once had a bus conductress.
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All the banners are up, there are yellow/red-taped bicycles and wheels strapped to the lamp posts,....... Please remind me... On which day does the Tour of Britain hit Bedlington? :D
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I'm sticking to Vista (now that I've dumped the UAC and it works properly!). I don't like the way M$ are going to use YOUR internet connection to deliver THEIR W10 updates worldwide.
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This is my main concern. I'm not a 'tree-hugger,' but I know beauty when I see it, and to destroy a beautiful tree for something as insignificant as a shop is bloody sacrilege. A short while ago they cut down the trees in front of Moby Dick's just to improve parking for a load of gym-nasties who should be WALKING or JOGGING to the gym, not taking their cars. Lazy b...............!
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:D
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I stand corrected threegee. As a fellow Rocket Scientist, I should have known that! Totally agree with you about the fish & chips. I wonder how many other exotic flavours have been lost due to 'progress?'
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Guitar tapping by Tony Keck ...
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Sorry about the typos! It doesn't half bring back a few memories though. I remember when we used to have snow half-way up our back door but we never had much trouble travelling anywhere because we knew how to do that thing called WALKING and were assisted by people scattering ashes onto roads and pavements from things called, oh, what were they now? ... oh yes! COAL FIRES! Ah! The good old days! And in many ways they were.
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A little boy goes up to his dad and says "Dad, where does poo come from?" Dad explains that food enters the mouth and passes down the oesophagus to the stomach. There, digestive enzymes induce a probiotic reaction in the alimentary canal to extract protein before waste products descend via the colon and rectum to emerge as "poo". "F*** me!", says the little boy "Where does Tigger come from then?"
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I've booked a table for our anniversary. I hope it goes better than last year....... she got really upset and didnt pot a f****** ball all night....!
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Apparently the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag. So every morning I slap the wife and say ''Two sugars fat a*** .''
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There I was, walking through the park, when this lovely 18 year old blonde appeared, our eyes met and there was an instant spark between us. She fell to the ground at my feet, and as we lay there making love, I thought to myself................ .... by !*!@# ,these Taser guns are worth the dosh eh...!
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Bloke walks up to a chubby woman in The Black Bull, gives her a wink, and says "Hi love, have you got a pen?". She blushes. "yes!" she says. The guy smiles and say "well you'd better get back in it before the farmer realises you've got out
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Northumbria Police have just announced the discovery of a cache of 200 semi-automatic rifles, 20,000 rounds of ammunition, a large quantity of heroin, £20m in bank-notes and 12 Eastern European prostitutes in the store room of a public library in Bedlington. Local residents expressed their shock, with a community spokesman saying, "We're absolutely stunned by this. We never realised we had a library."
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At a Weight Watchers meeting open a box of Maltesers and scatter them on the floor....It's like watching a real life version of Hungry Hippos!
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A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours." The guy leaves. A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About 3 hours." The guy leaves. A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half." The guy leaves. The barber who is intrigued by this time, looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey, Bill. Follow that guy and see where he goes." A little while later, Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your house!"
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Bloke buys a Geordie parrot but gets sick of it saying 'Aa'm from the toon and Aa'm hard as !*!@# ' so he puts a kestrel in its cage. Next morning he finds the kestral dead and the parrot says, 'Aa'm from the toon and Aa'm hard as !*!@# .' So the bloke puts a golden eagle in the cage. Next morning he finds the eagle dead and the parrot with no feathers. As he looks in the cage the parrot says, 'Had to tek me coat off for that f**ka...'
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Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope. The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday." On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it? " "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," says the judge. Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "Wow!" says the judge. "156 people! How did you manage to do that?" "Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says. "I drew two circles like this: o O Then I pointed to the little circle and said, 'This is your a*** before prison..................
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I was standing at my wifes grave today and couldn't help chuckling to myself. She thinks I'm digging a fishpond.
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Paddy and Murphy are walking along a country lane in Ireland when Murphy spots a grave stone by the road side... "Oh bejaisus" says murphy "would you take a look at this Paddy, this fella lived to be a hundred and eighty seven" "Never" says Paddy "what was his name?" "Miles from Dublin" says Murphy..........
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A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?' She calls on little Ralphy. He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.' The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.' Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?' The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.' To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'
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A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see the well known Chinese sex therapist Dr. Chang. So she went to see him. Upon entering the examination room Dr. Chang said 'OK take off all your crose.' The woman did as she was told. 'Now get down and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room.' Again the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said 'OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me.' So she did. Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said 'Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. that why you not haf sex or dates.' The worried woman asked anxiously 'Oh my God Dr. Chang what is Ed Zachary Disease?' Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied 'Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your ass.'
