Symptoms
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Everything posted by Symptoms
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HPW wrote: "... how the hell did you think them up?" I was a naughty little boy. I'm at an age now, a bit like Michael Corleone in Godfather II, sitting in my chair reviewing my life - minding past escapades and thinking of old friends. I'm surprised at how vivid my recall is ... it bodes well for the old grey matter not shrivelling away.
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And so ... "The Great Grand Piano Scandal". It was a drudge always being marched into morning assembly expecting the same old God bothering tosh. Us kids stacked-up from front to back, boys on the left, girls on the right, with the beaks on guard at the outside edge. In he'd march with his team in tow to mount the stage, with a scowl to check all was well he'd signal us all to sit down at ease and those tubular chairs with their canvass slings, clattered back to take the strain. When he'd move forward to the lecturn spot and command us all to sing then his wife at the piano crashed down the keys ... THUD, THUD, THUD. One morning before school started I pinched a roll of Izal* bog paper from the boys' netty, then crept into the assembly hall via the stage doors (back corridor near the workshops and changing rooms). The piano was always parked on stage ready for Mrs Hemmings to bash-out the tunes. I lifted the lid, depressed the sustain pedal (to lift the hammers off the strings) and slipped in a double layers of bog paper into the space between hammers and strings. Closing the piano lid I then made my escape. The effect of this was to completely muffle the piano's action rendering it silent ... I knew about how pianos worked because I went for piano lessons. I'd noticed that Mrs Hemmings always had a exuberant playing style and she usually led-in with a rather flash, and extended introduction to the hymns ... a perfect target for a jolly jape. I was never caught. *Izal bog paper - hard shiny stuff ... non-absorbant and could easily produce 'paper cuts'. Amazingly, it's still available! Perhaps next time - "Tales from School Camp".
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Buried in the news on Buggerit Day was a report that Barclays had, yet again bunged whopper bonuses. Some guy called Rich Ricci trousered a brown envelope for 17 million. Photos showed him as being a well-scrubbed tubby bloke, a bit like Cameroonie, with a smirking snear on his face ... the image just seemed to fit somehow!
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Here it is: Aroond the bend they rattled by Aroond the bend they rattled by Screeching an' a hollerin' as the wheels spun round Screeching an' a hollerin' as the wheels spun round Pottsie took his grip to the steering ties And the hiyellas gigin' as they slowed on by.
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No, I haven't written it yet.
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The Supabogie Blues by Blind Lemon Symptoms (sung to the tune of Pearl Harbour Blues by Doctor Clayton and His Buddy) The hiyellas screamin' as they'd rumbled and a tumbled The hiyellas screamin' as they'd rumbled and a tumbled Pottsie's four-wheeled bogie rollin' doon the bank As the lads aboard ain't comin' back Oh Lord, they ain't comin' back No Lord, they ain't never comin' back.
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Beeb website today reports that the MoD have flown 1 million euros out to Cyprus as emergency loans to our military stationed there.
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Those of a certain age will remember Scott Dobson producing a range of books, tapes, etc. called "Larn Yersel' Geordie". I don't know if they're still published but they are available on ebay,
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KeithL wrote: "I'll dig out my kipper tie and iron my flares." I still have my denim 'originals' from 1970. Levi jeans covered in leather patches and a denin overcoat complete with sheepskin collar ... obviously, they no longer fit me due to the late development of muscular waist. I'll get them down from the attic and photograph them for you all to admire. Also up there is my old leather overcoat (bought in Marcus Price in the Toon in 71ish). I used to wear knee-high brown leather boots* (bought in Ravel Oxford St in London) outside my jeans at the time. When I used to travel up to the Toon on the train to see my folks during student vacs I used to get some strange looks when walking from the Central Station up to the Haymarket to catch the bus home. *unfortunately, my beloved boots were eaten by mice years ago - little bastards!
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Wonk - I was just about to challenge the so-called bravery of those bike riders and skateboarders by throwing in the true heroes of daring-do were the bogie boys, but you slipped-in a reference. When I was a young teenager in the early 60s building and racing bogies was an all-consuming passion for most of us but sourcing good wheels was always a problem. Obviously, old pram wheels were widely used but their availabilty soon dried-up. I've mentioned before here that my old man was friends with the boss at the Remploy factory at Bedlington Station where they made and serviced invalid carriages (those old blue three-wheelers) and wheel chairs. Anyway, he came home one day with four brand new pneumatic 12" wheels on steel-rod axles from a wheel chair for us to use and let me say they proved to be fantastic in use. Just a construction detail ... how to make the bolt hole for the steering pivot - remember back then DIY tools weren't that common, including 1/2" drills to make the hole for the pivot bolt. Solution ... heat-up the poker in the fire to cherry red and burn the hole through the wooden front axle mount. We also tried mounting a car starter motor on the bogie with the drive via the motor's Bendix directly to the tyre ... it was quite successful but the systems always let us down 'cos the battery never lasted long. We should have patented the system ... just imagine the scene now with Sym living in his mansion living off the royalties from the Toyota Prius.
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I was working when a colleague rushed in and told me to turn the telly on ... this was shortly after the first plane hit; I was glued to the box for the rest of the day. Quite honestly it was the most shocking thing I've ever witnessed. Even all these years later those sometimes repeated familiar images continue to shock. The visceral nature of the attack goes someway to explain the subsequent attitude and behaviour demonstrated by American foreign policy.
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"Giz ya gowk"? = please let me have your apple core so I can finish it off. Commonly heard at school when lads who were eating an apple got down to the core which would have been chucked. Somebody would ask for it and then eat the core, seeds, toenails, and all. It always seemed to be the kids from poorer home who asked ... maybe they were always hungry.
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Virago Books 40th anniversary this year.
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What about ... "Giz ya gowk"?
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Well, Franky gets the nod. I wonder what mischief happened on his watch beyond the River Plate?
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Perhaps we could 'open a book' on how long the new one'll last before Horseface Willy gets sick of her?
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And now for the tale of the 'Great Fruit Lorry Heist' ... It must have been one morning in the Spring of '66 when that laden lorry lurched into view bearing its bounty into the plump clutches of the school's cook. The puffing beast (the lorry, not the cook) shuddered to a halt with grinding gears and screaming howls of protest from its straining brakes just beyond the cook's rear delivery door. Engine still spluttering with a thunderous pant the driver leapt forth with news of his fare into the arms of the plump cook within. The signal went up and waves of boys with intrepid young Sym in the van clambered aboard amongst the mountainous load ripping forth sacks of fruit and veg to behold. The manor was caste to the hordes below when suddenly the truck with a crash of gears trundled away with it's addition load of scavenging youth. Away we sped, what a sight to be sure, as ragged-trousered lads fell from the deck the lorry bouncing in tune. As if by magic the truck slewed still those that remained scuttled safely away. The gadgie driver chasing way behind gathered his charge returning to the plump cook to supply her plentiful needs. This is a true story ... nobody was caught including the boy driver. I do know his name but won't reveal it here ... he was the school's 'daddy' and 'boss' of the smoking area. The driver should never have left the keys in the ignition or the engine running! More tales to follow ... maybe "The Great Grand Piano Scandal".
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Maggs* - I'm afraid that intolerance exists everywhere and should always be challenged. Bigotry railed against, prejudice denounced, narrow-mindedness protested against, fanaticism fought, small-mindedness broadened, Conservatism sniped at, stop!, stop!, stop now! The few of us brave enough to gloriously engage with these forces of darkness, forces dreaming of a return to the values the Middle Ages, need to make our presence felt here. We must constantly guard these ramparts, we must fight them on the landing grounds and on the beaches, we must resist them in the hedgerows until victory is ours.... again stop, stop, stop! Don't desert our thin ranks Maggs. *I hope you don't mind being called that?
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"My owld boiler ... " - stop it now Mal. You have a responsible role here and perhaps have ambitions for elected office; these things will come back and bite you in the bum, not to mention the 'show trial' that CAN be arranged. Just a friendly warning!
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I visited Barter Books years ago and thought it a terrific place but quite pricey. I agree with others here that bookshops are wonderful places to spend time. When I lived in London the secondhand book quarter was Charing Cross Road and the sidestreets leading off it ... dozens of fantastic places to browse the hours away. The place I live in now has a great secondhand bookshop; it'll even buy the books back off you once you've read them for 50% of what you paid for them.
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Keith wrote: "They would find me being flogged and booted out of town" ... but only after a show trial.
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Bedlington Has A New Residents Group
Symptoms replied to Keith Scantlebury's topic in Talk of the Town
So it's some sort of database held by councils/housing associations that's checked and not via the Peelers? -
KeithL - I don't disagree that there've been loads of women being influential "behind the scenes"; my arguement is why the hell should they have to do it from there. Actually, deep down we all know the reasons. As to the list ... yep, we could both add loads more names but it will always appear shrunk by comparison to any list of men - and for the same reasons. Keith - thankfully, by recanting you've saved yourself from a 'show trial' here. I always knew you were joking because nobody in their right mind would seriously hold views like that. Phew, what a relief!
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tony - ask him what happened to all his old negatives and plates. The question came-up in other posts about Ward's having the local schools' photo contracts.
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Bedlington Has A New Residents Group
Symptoms replied to Keith Scantlebury's topic in Talk of the Town
Ah, now I see ... thanks guys. However, and there usually is a however with me, I'm interested in what 'official' mechanism is used which allows social landlords/housing associations to gain 'criminal' or 'anti-social background' checks. In other words, who do they approach and under which legislation is intelligence provided?