Pencil_Neck Posted April 21, 2006 Report Share Posted April 21, 2006 Some of the not so famous Irish related quotesRemember, all you untrained Irish lads, the tin foil is not to be used in anemergency. It is only there to stop the product from Perishing* British Labour MP JOE ASHTON commenting on the 1985 liberalisation ofIreland's condom laws. He suggested a new brand calledThick Micks. Jack Charlton's team of international misfits * ITV commentator in build up to Italia '90 Bono, 26, is the charismatic pony-tailed singer and his rock band, U2,became Britain's most exciting act since The Beatles * THE SUNDAY TIMES quick to acknowledge one of their own Mountjoy (Dublin's main Jail) was absolute hell, a total nightmare... It was the worst time ofmy entire life. I thought I was going to be killed, but the prisoners were alright * JOHNNY ROTTEN of The Sex Pistols As a kid, being Irish was being different, so I always told everybody thatI was Irish. My parents had all these rebel songs on albums... So I just feel that I have a bit of Irish in me. I've got anIrish boyfriend, so I've had quite a bit of Irish in me quite a few times * BOY GEORGE It looks like the sort of game that should be illegal * BRETT ANDERSON of pop group Suede on hurling (Gaelic Sport) It's just real cool to be here and to meet real Irish people straight fromIreland. My family come from the Mulligan, Sheridan, O'Connell, you knowwhat I'm saying? * EVERLAST, singer with American rappers House Of Pain All they got in LA is sun-tanned faggots. Not like the real men you gothere in Dublin * Rock star JON BON JOVI You Irish must be nuts. Imagine Catholics killing Protestants andProtestants killing Catholics. Why don't the Catholics and Protestants get together and kill all the !*!@# ? * New York cabbie to SEAMUS MARTIN of The Irish Times Faith and Begorra, there's no better way to begin an Irish fling than withO'Delta Airlines * DELTA AIRLINES brochureI'm glad for the fans back in Ireland * ALAN McLOUGHLIN (RoI) speaking in Belfast after his famous Windsor Parkequaliser (N. Ireland 1-1 R. of Ireland) Hello Dublin! * DAVID BOWIE on stage in Slane, Co. Meath Hello London! * Singer STEVIE NICKS on stage in Dublin Tell me Phil, why did you leave Genesis? * New York socialite to Derry composer PHIL COULTER Mr Paisley has never had a good word to say about anyone other than himself and Jesus Christ, whom he refers to as His Maker - aRather poor testimonial * Writer JAMES CAMERON The people of Dublin are equally as British as the English, if not more so* Ulster Protestant candidate Mr. MICHAEL BROOKS makes a brave but doomedbid for a Donegal Dail (Republic Parliment) seat, 1987 Get married again * Taoiseach (Irish PM) CHARLES HAUGHEY to woman asking for an increase in the widow'spensionAfter the break we'll have more comedy in 'Cheers' * RTE continuity announcer after highlights of The Republic's 1-4 homedefeat by DenmarkA blonde decides to do something she hasn't done before, and goes to thevideo store to rent her first X-rated adult video. After looking around thestore, she selects a title that sounds very stimulating.She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, andputs the tape in the VCR. To her disappointmentthere's nothing but static on the screen. She calls the store to complainstating,"I just rented an adult movie from you and there is nothing on the tape butstatic."The clerk apologized about the defective video and asked, "Which title didyou rent?"The blonde replied, "It's called 'Head Cleaner.'"A woman decides to have a facelift for her 47th birthday. Shespends$15,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home shestops at a news-stand to buy a paper. Before leaving she asks thesalesclerk "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?""About 32," the clerk replies. "I'm actually 47," the woman says happily. Alittle while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl thesame question.She replies, "I'd guess about 29." The woman replies, "Nope, Iam 47!" Now she is feeling really good about herself. While waiting for thebus home,she asks an old man the same question. He replies, "I'm 78 and myeyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tellhow old a woman was, but it requires you to let me put my hands down yourpanties.Then, I can tell exactly how old you are." They waited in silence on theempty street until curiosity got the best of the woman and she finally says,"What the hell, go ahead". The old man slips both hands down her panties andbegins to feel around. After several minutes she says, "Okay, how old am I?"He removes his hands slowly and says, "You are 47." Stunned, the woman says,"That's amazing. How do you know?" The old man replies, "I was behind you in McDonald's."A guy buys a brand new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500 and has $560monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting in winter,and of courseall the lakes are frozen. These two guys go out on the lake with the guns,the dog, and of course the new vehicle. They drive out onto the lake ice andget ready. Now, they want to make some kind of a natural landing area forthe ducks, something for the decoys to float on. In order tomake a holelarge enough to look like something a wandering duck would fly down andland on, it is going to take a little more effort than an ice hole drill.So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of dynamite with ashort, 40-second fuse. Now these two Rocket Scientists do take intoconsideration that they want to place the stick of dynamite on the ice at alocation far from where they are standing (and the new Navigator), becausethey don't want to take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run fromthe burning fuse and possibly go up in smoke with the resulting blast.They light the 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite. Remember a couple ofparagraphs back when I mentioned the vehicle, the guns and the dog? Let'stalk about the dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for RETRIEVING.Especially things thrown by the owner.You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of doggy speed on the iceand captures the stick of dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse aboutthe time it hits the ice. The two men yell, scream, wave their arms andwonderwhat to do now. The dog, cheered on, keeps coming. One of the guys grabsthe shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is loaded with # 8 buckshot,hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment, slightlyconfused, but continues on. Another shot and this time the dog, stillstanding, becomes really confused and of course terrified, thinking thesetwo geniuses have gone insane.The dog takes off to find cover, under the brand new Navigator.----BOOM!---- Dog and Navigator are blown to bits and sink to the bottom of the lake ina very large hole, leaving the two idiots standing there with this "I can'tbelieve this happened" look on their faces.The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal useof explosives is not covered.He still had yet to make the first of those$560 a month payments! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denzel Posted April 21, 2006 Report Share Posted April 21, 2006 Cutting and pasting. Lazy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pencil_Neck Posted April 21, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 21, 2006 Cutting and pasting. Lazy.True enough Mr Shatner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sw@lnalla Posted April 22, 2006 Report Share Posted April 22, 2006 Cutting and pasting. Lazy.So Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denzel Posted April 24, 2006 Report Share Posted April 24, 2006 True enough Mr ShatnerShatner? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pencil_Neck Posted April 24, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2006 Shatner?Fat & bald man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denzel Posted April 24, 2006 Report Share Posted April 24, 2006 Fat & bald man I'd have thought Matt Lucas would have been a more contemporary reference. Still, I forgot you're into all that sci-fi nonsense. B-b-b-b-b-b-beam me up Scotty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pencil_Neck Posted April 24, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2006 I'd have thought Matt Lucas would have been a more contemporary reference. Still, I forgot you're into all that sci-fi nonsense. B-b-b-b-b-b-beam me up Scotty.Not with your frame my lad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denzel Posted April 24, 2006 Report Share Posted April 24, 2006 Not with your frame my lad Ouch. That cuts to the quick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamburger Pimp Posted May 1, 2006 Report Share Posted May 1, 2006 Ladies and Gentlemen, the wonder of John Shuttleworth."My wife died in 1970" is peachy keen and bitchin'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denzel Posted May 2, 2006 Report Share Posted May 2, 2006 Ladies and Gentlemen, the wonder of John Shuttleworth."My wife died in 1970" is peachy keen and bitchin'.What has that got to do with 'Friday Stuff' then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamburger Pimp Posted May 2, 2006 Report Share Posted May 2, 2006 Ah, but think on, what exactly is "Friday stuff"? Dull, unamusing american cut and paste webtardery? I can't go for that (no can do).If a chap can't share a collection of boss tunes from the wizard of the bontempi keyboard, who also used to be Jilted John, then I fear the terrorists have already won. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denzel Posted May 3, 2006 Report Share Posted May 3, 2006 An excellent point and very well argued. Give me Mr Fellowes above cutting and pasting from US 'humor' [sic] sites any day of the week.All hail the Colonel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pencil_Neck Posted May 3, 2006 Author Report Share Posted May 3, 2006 All hail the Colonel.http://www.blogger.com/profile/12653744 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamburger Pimp Posted May 3, 2006 Report Share Posted May 3, 2006 My namesake appears to have some strange interests. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pencil_Neck Posted May 3, 2006 Author Report Share Posted May 3, 2006 My namesake appears to have some strange interests.Quite.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pencil_Neck Posted May 3, 2006 Author Report Share Posted May 3, 2006 Quite.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denzel Posted May 7, 2006 Report Share Posted May 7, 2006 Quite....Who are they? I bet they sound almost as bad as Maroon 5. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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