Denzel Posted May 30, 2006 Author Report Share Posted May 30, 2006 Did the Colonel adopt his usual tapping technique - bump into a lass so she turns round before he licks her face? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pencil_Neck Posted June 1, 2006 Report Share Posted June 1, 2006 Did the Colonel adopt his usual tapping technique - bump into a lass so she turns round before he licks her face? It's funny cos it's true Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denzel Posted June 1, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 1, 2006 You knows it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denzel Posted June 16, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 16, 2006 Lovin' it:-The Soccer World Cup - and all the assorted paraphernaliaCzech lager at c.60p a pop - heed full of bumblebees in every glassMeninsky platek - gammon, garlic, chips and cheese; the classic quartetColonel Michael Bumgarner - abuse is NOT on the menuAbsinthe for breakfast - tastier than Sunny DCNN - rolling news was never so goodBricks - quite simply, I love mineDo me a favour:-Peter Crouch - for 'awkward' read '!*!@#'EasyJet - couldn't organise a drinking session in a breweryLasses always wanting to 'have a seat' - stand and grow goodMates who bleat on about 'cheeky ones' for the ditch - gan to bed manNuns - hairy Japanese.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pencil_Neck Posted June 19, 2006 Report Share Posted June 19, 2006 Lovin' it:-The Soccer World Cup - and all the assorted paraphernaliaCzech lager at c.60p a pop - heed full of bumblebees in every glassMeninsky platek - gammon, garlic, chips and cheese; the classic quartetColonel Michael Bumgarner - abuse is NOT on the menuAbsinthe for breakfast - tastier than Sunny DCNN - rolling news was never so goodBricks - quite simply, I love mineDo me a favour:-Peter Crouch - for 'awkward' read '!*!@#'EasyJet - couldn't organise a drinking session in a breweryLasses always wanting to 'have a seat' - stand and grow goodMates who bleat on about 'cheeky ones' for the ditch - gan to bed manNuns - hairy Japanese....Bork, quality chap Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denzel Posted June 20, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2006 He does a lot of unseen work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamburger Pimp Posted June 20, 2006 Report Share Posted June 20, 2006 "What's In and Out at the Worlds Cup of Soccer?", I hear you ask. Since you're asking, I'll tell you.In Loads of raking goals scored from long-range Wayne Rooneys' miraculous metatarsals. Praise be! African chaps in the full body paint get up. Low quality goalkeeping Michael Owens getting all defensive in interviews and sounding like Mike Skinners The French being no good again. Enjoy it while it lasts The Angola and USA kits Italy vs USA, the tournament's only good kicking match Gelsenkirchen! Trying saying it, it's great. Gelsenkirchen, Gelsenkirchen, Gelsenkirchen! The Iran carpet square they hand over before kick-off Liberally dousing one's old chap with yellow food colouring, then later on getting it out in the pub and telling everyone, in a George Formby accent, "It's me World Cup Willy, way-hey!" Switzerland, normally grindingly dull, having a goalie called Zuberbuhler and a forward called Hakan Yakin. ITV's theme music. Hey, Kasabians, the sound of the streets, like it, yeah. I joke of course, it's complete knackersweat. Moody reserve keepers that don't get on with the other feller. Setting up your stereo so that, on the occasion of a goal being scored, with a flick of a switch it pumps out "I like to move it" by Reel 2 Reel feat. The Mad Stuntman Any sighting of oompah bands or lederhosen during a report from Germany Injured players having to stay on because all of their subs have been used. Otherwise reserved, perhaps even homophobic men, feeling it's alright to hug and kiss their mates due to a goal being scored. The look of utter contempt in Gordon Strachans' eyes when asked something fatuous by Adrian Chile or Gary Linekers William Galla going off on one when Korea scored. Germany's hosting of the tournament sparking a renewed interest in the works of Goethe, Schiller, Schopenhauer and Sven Hassel Out The old-fashioned, manky-looking stretchers being used, that resemble the type of thing Private Godfrey was kitted out with Italy's "sweaty armpit" design kit and those horrible nike halved goalkeepers tops After each impressive performance, claiming to have tipped them before the tournament The confused, nonsensical punditry of David Pleats Squeezing in an ad break between the end of the anthems and kick-off. England players seemingly being obliged to wear really !*!@# quality polo shirts when hanging about the hotel. Folk wearing those football shaped hats at the match. Really, there's no need. The BBC's masseeve added time graphic. Showing action replays when the ball is in play That pair of cornholes out of the Budweiser advert bumpers on ITV Frankie Lampards just having a shot from anywhere That deal with swapping those little footballs before kick-off Endless shots of attractive women in the crowd. We get the picture, there are some tidy boilers in attendance. Men with sunglasses on the top of their head and wearing three-quarter length trousers, going on about "the footie" ITV's much-vaunted website. It's !*!@#. And that's swearing. Pretending that somebody you know has mistaken Trinidad and Tobago for two different teams. No they haven't. The return of eighties yuppie style stripey shirts. The Czech Republic's reserve players being, to a man, big, fat, balding brickies. The indecent haste with which the resurgence of Thierry Henry was proclaimed, only for him to bottle it again and miss a vital sitter. England scoring when you've got a full pint, most of which is spilled during the ensuing melee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denzel Posted June 21, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2006 Geet in there:-Rafael Marquez's ponytail - none of your Alice band nonsenseRidiculous product tie-ins - 'official pile cream of the FIFA World Cup'Boo, hiss:-Michael Owen being injured again - pansyass60's obsessed females proclaiming undying love for CK - tell him to his face woman! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denzel Posted June 26, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 26, 2006 Safe as !*!@# :-Hoying lager down as England stumble past poor opposition - we're keeping our powder dryOwen Hargreaves in midfield - the boy done goodCristiano Ronaldo bubbling - what's the matter love? Lost an eyelash?Don't diss me:-Milligans bacon and sausage sandwiches - 2 rashers of bacon and 1 sodding sausagePaul Robinson - oh dearDirk Kuyt - the new Stephane Guivarc'h?Monday morning hangovers - they smartBairns in pubs - get out little people Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted June 26, 2006 Report Share Posted June 26, 2006 "The confused, nonsensical punditry of David Pleats " - I agree! that guy calls a game like study in hatstands bring back BIG RON ... or tune into uktv2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denzel Posted June 27, 2006 Author Report Share Posted June 27, 2006 "The confused, nonsensical punditry of David Pleats " - I agree! that guy calls a game like study in hatstands bring back BIG RON ... or tune into uktv2Yep, he'd have a field day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pencil_Neck Posted June 28, 2006 Report Share Posted June 28, 2006 Safe as !*!@# :-Hoying lager down as England stumble past poor opposition - we're keeping our powder dryOwen Hargreaves in midfield - the boy done goodCristiano Ronaldo bubbling - what's the matter love? Lost an eyelash?Don't diss me:-Milligans bacon and sausage sandwiches - 2 rashers of bacon and 1 sodding sausagePaul Robinson - oh dearDirk Kuyt - the new Stephane Guivarc'h?Monday morning hangovers - they smartBairns in pubs - get out little people Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denzel Posted July 14, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 14, 2006 Ulster fry:-Wetting the bairn's heed - it's binge drinking, but it's acceptableDene's Deli - buzzard's breath stottie, get it doon ya neckNetto et al - 24 cans of cooking lager for c.£10 = bargainBBC2, 9pm, Monday - Still Game, Catherine Tate & Saxondale; chuckle your way to bedMark Radcliffe on daytime Radio 2 - quality choonsMartin Lewis - heaven sent money guruBistro style salad:-Flies - and waspsBaby sick - it stinks, it stainsTwisty-arsed singer songwriters - add Paolo Nutini to this ever growing listLight summer nights - I need to get some kip man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pencil_Neck Posted July 20, 2006 Report Share Posted July 20, 2006 Ulster fry:-Wetting the bairn's heed - it's binge drinking, but it's acceptableDene's Deli - buzzard's breath stottie, get it doon ya neckNetto et al - 24 cans of cooking lager for c.£10 = bargainBBC2, 9pm, Monday - Still Game, Catherine Tate & Saxondale; chuckle your way to bedMark Radcliffe on daytime Radio 2 - quality choonsMartin Lewis - heaven sent money guruBistro style salad:-Flies - and waspsBaby sick - it stinks, it stainsTwisty-arsed singer songwriters - add Paolo Nutini to this ever growing listLight summer nights - I need to get some kip manRoasting..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denzel Posted July 20, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2006 Aye, it's bliddy scaddin' ootside. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pencil_Neck Posted July 28, 2006 Report Share Posted July 28, 2006 Aye, it's bliddy scaddin' ootside.You knows it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denzel Posted July 28, 2006 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2006 You and Velma oot the neet then Mr Neck? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted September 25, 2006 Report Share Posted September 25, 2006 So then my cyber-chums, what's floating your boat at the moment? Alternatively, what's boiling your !*!@# ?Yes please:-Bank holiday weekends - 3 out of 2 ain't badMates who throw up over their bedrooms - to the chagrin of the missusHomemade chicken cacciatore - extra anchovies brings out the flavourThatcher's cider - matured in rum barrels; there is a GodThe new Alfa Brera - sod your BMW'sBob Seger's 'Night Moves' - white collar rock rocksMatalan - a bargain on every gondola endBeef stroganoff - steak, cream and mushrooms never tasted so goodNo thank you:-The Matrix - only understood by people who do 'blogs'Buying a new suit - I'm a weird shape (some would say 'fat')Metatarsal injuries - it's only a bliddy toe lads, put some TCP on and run it offWork - life's cheaper on the Nat KingCar servicing - £260?! Kiss my !*!@# Mr AgnelliJose Mourinho - cheer up man, you used to be funnyNo thanks - Leicester ... i stopped into the services on my way up the M1 on Friday. Thought i'd enteredthe twilight zone. What a hole. Full of window licking idiots!!! And i'm not just on about the creature behind the counter of KFC !! Dont ever stop there ....just keep on driving Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hamburger Pimp Posted September 26, 2006 Report Share Posted September 26, 2006 Kentucky Fried Chicken - It's window lickin' good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denzel Posted September 26, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 26, 2006 No thanks - Leicester ... i stopped into the services on my way up the M1 on Friday. Thought i'd enteredthe twilight zone. What a hole. Full of window licking idiots!!! And i'm not just on about the creature behind the counter of KFC !! Dont ever stop there ....just keep on driving The boss went there recently and almost got chinned by a group of lads of the 'Asian Persuasion' who took umbrage to his presence in a local shop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted September 26, 2006 Report Share Posted September 26, 2006 The boss went there recently and almost got chinned by a group of lads of the 'Asian Persuasion' who took umbrage to his presence in a local shop.Nowt wrong with Leicester Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave Posted September 26, 2006 Report Share Posted September 26, 2006 Nowt wrong with Leicester aye 50 year back mebbe! now its choke full of inbreeds and people with far to much ear hair!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted September 26, 2006 Report Share Posted September 26, 2006 aye 50 year back mebbe! now its choke full of inbreeds and people with far to much ear hair!!!It's now official, Leicester has a white minority. Fifty years ago its less than that I have live in Leicester for the last 36 years and it was a good city when I first moved here but the industry has disapeared over the years, more office blocks and factories above the shops selling cheap clothes.The age of tolarence I think they call it. Ah well I can always come back to Bedlington. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denzel Posted September 27, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 27, 2006 It's now official, Leicester has a white minority. Fifty years ago its less than that I have live in Leicester for the last 36 years and it was a good city when I first moved here but the industry has disapeared over the years, more office blocks and factories above the shops selling cheap clothes.The age of tolarence I think they call it. Ah well I can always come back to Bedlington.There'll be a pint waiting for you on the bar Pete.Cue Peters and Lee..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted September 29, 2006 Report Share Posted September 29, 2006 There'll be a pint waiting for you on the bar Pete.Cue Peters and Lee.....Make it two Denzel and al leave straight away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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