Jump to content

The Xmas Joke Thread

Andy Millne

By Andy Millne
in Chat Central

 Share

Recommended Posts

Andy Millne

Andy Millne

Posted
Posted

Santa's Bad Day

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for is annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa

even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the round and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest mick2

Guest mick2

Posted
Posted

A little boy about nine or ten, was siting on Santa's lap. Santa pointed his finger in the boys face, and said " George I know what you want for Christmas! A T-O-Y." Nope! replied George. Then again, pointing his finger in the boys face. You want C-A-N-D-Y. Nope! replied George. Then just what the hell do you want, asks Santa. George looked Santa in the face, pointing his finger, I want some P-U-S-S-Y! And don't tell me that you don't have any. Because I can smell it on your finger.!! :lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Hamburger Pimp

Hamburger Pimp

Posted
Posted

Q. What did TV funnyman Frank Carson say when given a DVD box set of a popular ITV drama featuring Robbie Coltrane as a psychological profiler.

A. Excellent, I always enjoyed Coltrane's performance of the hard-bitten, misanthropic Fitz. This is a classic slab of intelligent British TV drama!!!!!!1111!!!!!!NOTREALLYHESAIDITSACRACKER!!!!111!!!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest mick2

Guest mick2

Posted
Posted
Q. What did TV funnyman Frank Carson say when given a DVD box set of a popular ITV drama featuring Robbie Coltrane as a psychological profiler.

A. Excellent, I always enjoyed Coltrane's performance of the hard-bitten, misanthropic Fitz. This is a classic slab of intelligent British TV drama!!!!!!1111!!!!!!NOTREALLYHESAIDITSACRACKER!!!!111!!!!!!

!!!!!1111!!!!!!YOURANACKER!!!!LOL111!!!!!!WITHYOURFECKINGSHITEJOKES!!!!! :lol::lol:

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Hamburger Pimp

Hamburger Pimp

Posted
Posted

:rolleyes:

Can't we celebrate the birth of our Lord the baby Jesus with a few joke funnies without resorting to the language of the billiard hall and the locker room?

Q. What did TV funnyman Frank Carson say when confronted by a mythological squid-like sea monster?

A. It's a Kraken!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!HARRYHAUSEN!!!111!!!!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create a free account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share
Go to topic listing


×
×
  • Create New...