On a hungover morning of late I ventured out au bicyclette to Bedlington’s finest food establishment, Somerfield, picked up my basket and tabloid then went foraging for blue Doritos and mashed potato. On finding there was neither of these precious items I returned to the front sales counter to purchase news of the latest roasting scandal, when I was told that, alas, I was unable to carry out my transaction as I had a basket; I swiftly clarified that I was only carrying a singular News of the World, and hoped that it would be possible to pay for it there as it is the newspaper sales-desk. Unfortunately I was informed that “THERE IS A SIGN” and I can therefore not take a basket there. Suddenly I was seized in a moment of ingenuity and decided to take the Sunday rag out of the basket, place the basket with the others neatly by the door and returned to the till with the newspaper only.

Did I then pay for the item of my reading pleasure?

NO!

I was told I was unable to purchase the item in question as it had been in a basket.

On asking the law-enforcing sales representative whether she was perhaps a pedant (she may have believed I said peasant) she screamed at me, calling me “mental” (indeed I am not) and called for the manager.

I promptly left sans journal and cycled to the Spar for some proper service.

Has anyone had a similar experience with townsfolk entrusted to such positions of power?

You should have replaced the paper on the pile, then taken the next one down and bought that one.

Cold hard logic, that's the only language that type understand.

You should have replaced the paper on the pile, then taken the next one down and bought that one.

Cold hard logic, that's the only language that type understand.

Too many fish heeds

Why didn't you go the the Spar in the first place?