A funny one(can't find anywhere else to put it)

[Jammy]

Your DUCK IS DEAD

 A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she
laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and
listened to the bird's chest.
 After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm 
sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman
wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied
the vet.. "How can you be so sure?" she protested.. "I mean you
haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a
coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left
the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador
Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood
on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and
sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with
sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and
took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat.
The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from
head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed
softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and
said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100%
certifiably, a dead duck." The vet turned to his computer terminal,
hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
 The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "£1,500!" she 
cried,"£1,500 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The vet shrugged, "I'm
sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been
£20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £1,500.

[Canny lass]

Hi @Jammy. Welcome to our forum!

We have a special forum for this kind of thing.

Chat Central, Good Jokes: Not for the faint hearted (adult content).

Have a look in. You can spend many a pleasant hour there and have a good laugh! Vital in these Corona times.

Edited May 1, 2020 by Canny lass