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I have - 2 left hand fingers + 2 right hand fingers = 4k off!

All that money that went up in smoke at Blyth, three nights of fireworks could have provided lavies for the entire county till the end of the century. Its about time council started getting tha priorities in order, good at spending millions but when it comes ta spending a penny they dont want ta know .

Perhaps you should try this Eggy ... A woman is frying eggs for breakfast. Suddenly her hubby appears in the kitchen and screams: -Be careful! Put some more margarine in the pan! You have too many in the pan at once. TOO MANY! Turn them over! TURN THEM OVER NOW! MORE MARGARINE! They’ll stick to the pan! Be careful! I said CAREFUL! You never listen to me when you’re cooking! NEVER! Turn them over! Hurry up! And, don’t forget to put salt on them. You know you always forget it! Put salt on them! SALT! His wife stares at him -What’s the matter with you? Do you think I’ve never fried an egg before? Hubby replies quietly: -I just wanted you to see how it feels when I’m driving.

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: “‘Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don’t know where I am”. The man below replied “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude”. “You must be a technician.” said the balloonist. “I am” replied the man “how did you know?” “Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip with your talk.” The man below responded, “You must be in management”. “I am” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?” “Well,” said the man “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault!