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A man is alone in an airport lounge. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him. He decides because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant. So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly. He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto : 'To Fly. To Serve'? The woman looks at him blankly He sits back and thinks up another line. He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto 'Winning the hearts of the world'? Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face. Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto 'Going beyond expectations'? The woman looks at him sternly and says 'What the f*ck do you want?' 'Aha!' he says, "Ryan Air".

After 7 years training and several more years in public practice, a good friend of mine has been found guilty of gross professional misconduct and struck off. He can no longer work in the medical profession he devoted his life to. He had sex with a patient. It was, he says, consensual. Neither was married, but rules are rules. Anyway, all that training down the drain. (**Lifts glass...**) Here's to Dave. A good mate and the best vet I've ever known.

My girlfriend said if I don’t do page 7 of the Kama Sutra she will leave me. It's put me in a very difficult position.

Thank you John! (Nice to meet you)? Don't forget to call in again ????