BedlingtonLass

"You don't know Jack Schitt..." Now you'll know the rest of the story. Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt and Oh Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate married Oh Schitt, the owner of the "Knee Deep Schitt Inn." Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and they produced six children. Holy Schitt, their first, passed on shorty after childbirth. Next came twin sons, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, two daughters, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, and another son Bull Schitt. Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop-out. Dip Schitt married Lotta Schitt and they have a son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt married the Happens Brothers. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Byrd Schitt and Horace Schitt. Bull Schitt just married a spicy number, Pisa Schitt, and they are awaiting the arrival of Baby Schitt. NOW YOU KNOW JACK SCHITT!

A woman goes to her boyfriends' parent's house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making tears come to her eyes and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud but everyone at the table heard the !*!@# . Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy". A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!" Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Yes". A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't ever think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!"

A redhead found out that her husband was cheating on her while stationed in Saudi a few months ago, so she sends him this care package. He is excited to get a package from his wife back home. He finds that it contains a batch of home made cookies and a VHS tape of his favorite TV shows. He invites a couple of his buddies over and they're all sitting around having a great time eating the cookies and watching some episodes of South Park. Right in the middle of one episode the tape cuts to a home video of his wife on her knees sucking off his best friend. After a few seconds, he does his business in her mouth and she turns and spits the load right into the mixing bowl of cookie dough. She then looks at the camera and says, "By the way, I want a divorce."

A guy meets a childhood pal. "What are you doing for yourself these days?" "I'm a fireman," his old friend replies. "Yeah? My 15-year-old kid wants to be a fireman," says the guy. "Well," says his friend, "if you want some good advice, you've got to install a pole in your house that will go to the basement so your kid can practice, because the hardest thing for a fireman is to jump off into space and catch that pole in the middle of the night." Ten years later, the two guys happen to meet again. "Well, did your son become a fireman?" "No," moans the guy, "but my daughter is a stripper."

The Wharton is looking much better than it did before it was took over, havent been inside but if outside is anything go by new owners are doing well with it, good on them for taking pride in the place.

Whats that???

Submarine

Marge

Bearing in mind Louise has just gone into the Wharton, give her a chance!!!

Cant beat going to suppliers themselves, forever yours are truly amazing

Arf Arf

Anyone else noticed theres a bridal shop opening where the wool shop once was

Burp

Sandy

What was last yrs result lyk?

Hairdressers or Pet Beauticians?

The pubs of Bedlington are dying a slow death, I think the red lion could be turned around and made into a place to be, but this would take lots of time and money and someone mad enough to risk there cash in the venture, I hear the market tavern is now closed on a monday night, is this a sign of things to come?

Thank You for sharing that Malcolm Certainly made me laugh

Its a bit out of place in a pub, more at home at a clap clinic

before anyone says anything i wasnt one of them who took the test however i dont think it is a bad idea, better to be safe than sorry

i must have missed all that

cant see many people wanting it tho can you???

we just got the xbox 360 elite again, had it but sold it then bought new one again :S i prefer wii myself

Just bought a new console today to go with the collection we already have, does anyone rate the playstation 3 highly cos that is the next console on our to buy list

Happy Birthday hun - your only as old as you feel