Malcolm Robinson

Could do with the fairway grass clipping........

NCC are considering that now Merlin!

The recently banned vid............ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4gU965ppcA

This is real.......£3.00 a bar!

I believe they have already changed the covenant along these lines Mr D!

Irish maths test. Paddy wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little maths test. Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." "Without numbers?" Paddy says? "Dats easy." And proceeds to draw three trees. "What's this?" the boss asks. "Have you no brain? Tree and tree plus tree makes 9" says Paddy. "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99." Paddy stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree.. "Ere ye go." The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" "Each of them trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, plus dirty tree. Dat makes 99." The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire Paddy, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100." Paddy stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere ye go. One hundred." The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!" Paddy leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and whispers, "A little dog came along and pooped by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes ONE HUNDRED!" Paddy is the new supervisor.

It was entertainment night at the Care Home. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: 'I'm here to put you all into a trance. I intend to hypnotise each and every member of the audience.' The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. The polished metal gleamed in the light. Claude the hypnotist said: 'I want you each to keep your eyes on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations.' He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, 'Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...' The crowd became mesmerised as the watch swayed back and forth, light shimmering off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, shattering into a hundred pieces.......................... 'S**T!' said the hypnotist. It took 3 days to clean up the Care Home.

They do a very good car insurance Vic, you almost cannot turn it down!

You know if we handled this right............. http://www.bigcatsinbritain.org/

Keep them coming Mr D, if the solution was easy.......far more likley to come from an off the wall comment! For instance, if Tescos enforce 2-3hr parking only for their customers in the car park at the back of the store what about getting them to build a first floor parking for other people on top of that area and make it conditional on their planning permission so we don't loose the most used car park in the town.

I wonder if these guys are in a union? http://www.journallive.co.uk/north-east-news/todays-news/2010/09/30/northumberland-council-pays-consultant-1-110-a-day-61634-27369190/

Found it..........£1,110 a day! http://www.journallive.co.uk/north-east-news/todays-news/2010/09/30/northumberland-council-pays-consultant-1-110-a-day-61634-27369190/

I think it might have been Cympil taking a walk. Have you seen the avatar!

Merlin, If you get at least 10 people to sign up to concerns you can then petition the NCC Area Meeting and force some sort of detailed inspection of the problem at least, if not a solution. (That was the Blyth meeting.) Also raise the point at the next Bedlington Partnership meeting, the chair will take it up for you. Last but by no means least the Town Council were asked to look at this but decided the sticking plaster of yellow paint was the appropriate answer. I disagreed with them but there was no one else there to back me up so…………. There are Town Councillors on this site ask them to take the issue up for you. These are the ways you can influence the decision, use the system to your advantage for a change!

I thought it was £1100 a day Merlin!!!!!! We have seen this before, if you want to shut down say vast parts of a nationalised industry for ideological reasons probably best to get say a foreign national in to actually do it! It deflects some of the criticism! As I mentioned parking charges in this thread already……….. http://www.journallive.co.uk/north-east-news/todays-news/2010/10/01/row-escalates-over-car-parking-in-northumberland-61634-27377007/ Also as we are talking about NCC investment in Bedders, although how that can be appropriate seeing as the Town council have bought into new market stalls which will be located in the Market Place???? http://www.journallive.co.uk/north-east-news/todays-news/2010/10/02/an-initiative-to-regenerate-the-historic-street-markets-of-northumberland-is-being-drawn-up-in-a-bid-to-reverse-years-of-decline-61634-27384146/

Probably a Meerkat trying to sell accident insurance, you never know where some of those balls go.........

Lunch boxes???? New EU dictate.....all member states must harmonise work break times and the French insisted everyone had to follow their lead so...2 hours for lunch! Happy days........

Soon to be NCC Traffic wardens........

New kind of business model for 2010...........looks the same as old ones but its different!!!

A guy goes hunting. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over and discharged shooting himself in the genitals. Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor. "Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buckshot." "What's the bad news?" asked the hunter. "The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis which left quite a few holes in it. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister." "Well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?" Not exactly," answered the doctor. "She's a flute player in the Boston Symphony Orchestra. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't pxxx in your eye."

Com'on Merlin you took the first steps to tackling that situation! If you don't keep it up the system wins by default!

Or this might be the level of intelligence by the planners!

Must be this one Merlin...........

Its getting a facelift along with tallyentyres and a few more.

So look out for Mr D between the Wharton and the Top Club.........