Symptoms

Now, now boys and girls - stop it! I don't want to be the main player in Bedders version of the Dreyfus affair ... where is Émile Zola when I need him. It's clear that GOD just likes my turn of phrase so this can't be taken as evidence. Some here would add me to the Birmingham Six, the Guilford Four, the Bridgewater Four and string me up. Cry from the rooftops - "Symptoms is innocent OK"

AS THE BLESSED ONE KEITH LOCKLEY PROCLAIMS DECEMBER IS A GOOD MONTH TO ENTER MY REALM (AS I KEEP REMINDING J) AND YOU HAVE LIVED A BLAMELESS LIFE. PETER RISE WITH YOUR HEAD HELD HIGH TO QUAFF DEEPLY FROM MY CHALICE OF BROON AND BE SATISFIED THAT IF THE TITLE HAD NOT ALREADY BEEN TAKEN A SAINTHOOD MIGHT HAVE BEEN MADE AVAILABLE AS A REWARD.

ALL IS WELL IN THIS PLACE AND I WILL AWAY TO DO MY GOOD WORKS ABROAD BUT NEVER FEAR THAT ONE WHO IS KNOWN AS MALCOLM ROBINSON FOR HE IS BLESSED ALSO FEAR NOT VILLAGERS I COMMAND THAT ALL THE WICKED DOOMSDAY NAYSAYERS TO CRINGE IN FEAR AND SHAME FOR PREACHING THE FALSE WORD OF BEELZBUB - YOUR WORLD WILL NOT END ... I SHALL POST THE FOLLOWING DAY AND LET ALL THOSE WHO DOUBT ME THEN SINK TO THY KNEES BEFORE ME AND BEHOLD ME FOR I AM TRUE.

MY SON WHO IS KNOWN AS KEITH LOCKEY BE THOU AT EASE FOR THY BOLDNESS AND STRENGTH, STAND THEE OUT FROM THE MULTITUDE AND THOSE VEXED WITH UNCLEAN SPIRITS FOR YOU ARE TREASURED AND WILL HAVE A PLACE AT MY SIDE AS IT CANNOT BE ON MY KNEE AS THAT PLACE IS TAKEN BY MY WORTHY DISCIPLE PATRICK (HIS WORLDLY TITLE WAS FORFEITED AT THE GATES AND BEHOLD IS WITHOUT BLAME ACCORDING TO THE WORD OF YEWTREE). I HAVE GIVEN YOU THE POWER OF X-RAY EYES TO SEE FAR INTO MY REALM FOR YOU ARE NOW DESERVING AND ALWAYS WILL BE. COMMANDS HAVE GONE OUT THIS DAY FOR MY RED CLOAKED FOLLOWERS IN SPAIN TO QUENCH THEIR BRAZIERS WITH YOUR NAME AFIXED AS I WILL NOT PUT YOU TO THE TEST BUT HAVE READIED THEM FOR OTHERS LODGING IN THIS VILLAGE.

VERILY I SAY UNTO THEE IT IS WOE UNTO ANY WHO CAST FALSENESS ON THE INNOCENT, I SEE THE HAND OF THE SINNERS AND MISCHIEF MAKERS AT WORK HERE IN CASTING THE STONES OF BLAME TOWARDS THE BLAMELESS. BE NOT MISGUIDED FOXY BY THE MISCHIEF MAKERS BUT SAYETH WITH LOUD VOICE FOR HE IS INNOCENT. DO THEY NOT BLASPHEME THAT WORTHY NAME BY WHICH THE INNOCENT ONE IS CALLED

YOUR SO CALLED SUPERHEROS ART MEAR INSECTS - THEY ARE LIKE LOCUSTS WHO ATTEMPT TO DEVOUR THE FEAST OF FAITH IN ME AND MY WORKS THROW YOUSELF BEFORE ME I SAY AND I WILL LEND YOU INSIGHT TO GAZE BEYOND THE HEAVENS AND LOOK UPON WITH WONDER THROUGH YOUR BINOCULARS ENOUGH I SAY ... I MUST BE ABOUT MY WORK

SO MALCOLM ROBINSON YOU ARE ABOUT DOING SATAN'S WORK THIS DAY - REPENT THEE BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE, RECANT THEE THY UTTERENCES AND FALL BEFORE ME. I SEE ALL AND ABSORB MUCH THAT LINGERS HERE AND WAS MUCH TAKEN BY THE PHRASE USED TO DISCRIBE MY ANOINTED ONE SO SAY NOT THE FALSEHOOD FOR SURE THAT IS WHAT IT IS.

BLESSED ART THOU KEITH AND MAY YOU QUAFF DEEPLY FROM THE JUG OF GOD'S ELIXER BROON BUT SUFFER YEE NOT PALE IMMITATIONS CHOOSE THE WAY OF TRUTH KEITH LOCKEY SO THAT YOU MAY ENLARGE MY HEART AND AVOID THAT SORE BUM BUT BE NOT MISLED BECAUSE BETTY SAXE-COBURG & GOTHA WINDSOR HAS TWO BIRTHDAYS AS SHE IS MY ANOINTED ONE AMONST YOU

I SPEAKETH EXPRESSLY THAT ALL THAT THEE SEE ABOVE IN THE HEAVENS ARE MEARLY MY PLAYTHINGS, MEAR BAUBLES JUGGLED FOR MY PLEASURE. THE WORD OF THE LORD SHALL ENDURETH FOR EVER AND SHALL ALWAYS BE SO, THEREFORE BE CONTENT MY GRAZING SHEEP I HAVE NO DESIRE FOR YOUR MEANDERINGS TO END SOON - ONLY I WILL DECIDE THE MOMENT FOR IT WILL BE FIVE SCORE MILLENIUM HENCE (ROUGHLY). MY DAUGHTER CANNY YOU MAY NOT FEAR BUT I AM DISCONTENT THAT YOU RESIDE WITH THE GODLESS BEYOND HOME SHORE - HE WHO YOU CALL YOUR "OLD MAN" BE WISE SO TAKE NOTE AND FOLLOW HIS MINISTRIES MY SPECIAL PROTECT THAT WHICH I CALL "OPERATION HOT IRONS UP KEITH LOCKEY BUM" IS NOW TAKING SHAPE AS I HAVE RENEWED ME ZEAL FOR MY PREVIOUS METHODS TRIALED WITH MUCH SUCCESS BY MY RED CLOAKED FOLLOWERS IN SPAIN. I HAVE NOT FORSAKEN YOU KEITH LOCKEY EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE SHOWN ME GREAT AND SORRY TROUBLES BUT BE PREPARED FOR A VERY SORE BOTTOM

I SAY UNTO YOU KEITH LOCKEY DO NOT DOUBT ME OR MY WRATH SHALL BE UPON THEE OBVIOUSLY THE SABBATH IS A VERY BUSY DAY FOR ME SO I WAS UNABLE TO ATTEND TO YOUR DOUBTINGS YESTERDAY, HOWEVER I NOW INTEND TO APPLY MY FULL ATTENTION TO YOU KEITH LOCKEY YOU TRY IN VAIN TO LOOK FOR ME IN THE HEAVENS WITH YOUR BINOCULARS ... I AM EVERYWHERE WATCHING AND LISTENING, LISTENING AND WATCHING WHILST CARRYING MY MIGHTY STAFF TO SMIT THE DOUBTERS I SAY UNTO YOU ALL IN THE VILLAGE OF BEDLINGTON ... BE AFRAID, BE VERY AFRAID!

FEAR NOT I SAY!!! WHAT YOU CALL ALIENS ARE SENT BY ME TO DO MY WORK ON EARTH. I WILL CONTINUE TO SEND ANGELS AMONGST YOU - BE NOT AFRAID.

The former BBC newsreader Kenneth Kendall has died aged 88. He was another one of those figures who many of us of a certain age trusted - they seem to be dropping like flies! R.I.P. But please, please, please don't let him be named by Operation Yewtree.

You're quite right Brett. The old boy did have some distasteful views on immigration ... that we were being "swamped by parasites" and a dislike of the Germans ... "A Kraut is a Kraut is a Kraut. And the only good Kraut is a dead Kraut." He was a product of his time and held views fairly common to many of a similar age (and some who previously inhabited this place). On the plus side he was the finance minister for the Monster Raving Loony Party and lied about his age to get into the wartime RAF and flew with Bomber Command as a navigator. I've learned quite a bit about the old boy today after reading a number of his obituaries. But please, please, please don't let him be named by Operation Yewtree.

Yep Keith, you're right about him being a hero to some. It was his enthusiasm for the subject that caused me to catch the bug when I was a child; I continue to watch Sky at Night to this day ... R.I.P.

Keith wrote: "Oh how I wish I had a powerful telescope to see it's moons." I knew this would happen ... first you smoke a bit of dope, then you pop a few pills, then you snort a line or two, then you're shooting-up H. Addiction! I mentioned in an earlier post that we can never be satisfied with our tackle, always wanting to see more clearly and further. Even a very cheepo scope will allow you to monitor those moons but the dilemma of whether to spend, say £60 on a spotting scope or go for something pretty decent at, say £300 - £400 depends on how much 'spare' dosh folks have during difficult financial times.

Oh, and another one I forgot to add to the list yesterday: Louis Francis Albert Victor Nicholas George Mountbatten; yep, Chucky's favourite Uncle Dickie. Junior ratings in the Royal Navy were supposed to be fair game for Dickie and some of these did go 'on the record' about what had happened to them. Again, who was believed!

Another chum of Charlie Saxe-Coburg & Gotha Windsor got lifted by the Peelers. Retired Bishop Peter Bell got the 4 o'clock knock at his wisteria-clad cottage which is owned by Charlie; the Bish said that Chucky had been "... been wonderfully kind and allowed me to have a duchy house." That Chuckie " ... is a loyal friend". Then we have the murderous Dunblane Scoutmaster Thomas Hamilton (our younger viewers may wish to Google him) and his membership of the Jocko Freemasons. Which other members of the ruling elite were members of this 'funny handshake brigade'? What went on in those lodges? Oh, and why have all the files relating to the case been sealed for 100 years - obviously to protect the rich and famous, and the ruling elite! Yep, Mal old Squirrel Smith's name was linked with kiddie-fiddling way back and I remember him rubbishing the stories on the news; back in the day politicians were believed so nowt happened to him. It'll all come out in the end ... I just hope some decent Jocko will leak the Dunblane stuff.

Sorry ... didn't pick-up on it.

She'll visit Lourdes within the year and make a full recovery! Remember Ernest Saunders* - diagnosed with incurable Alzheimer's ... made a full recovery! Seems that a good shyster is better than a good quack to get you off. * for our younger viewers Google him.

Anyway, back to the Pacific Princess ... she was launched on 11th June 1964.

In the 60s we used to go swimming in the river at the weir (we called it The Dam). There was an overhanging tree from which a rope hung down, we'd grab the rope and clamber up the bank then jump to swing out over the river and then let go, splashing into the deep water. The downstream side of The Dam was sloping and covered with green slime but it made a great water slide. I recall there were some sluices or races made from concrete beside The Dam (on the Bedders side) going to some old tumbled-down buildings but all this stuff was completely overgrown so it wasn't obvious to use what it was all for. Near The Dam (I now can't remember if it was upstream or downstream of The Dam) was a big black pipe, maybe 2'6" or bigger in dia, crossing over the river; it was supported by an iron framework. We would run along this as a dare, speeds ever increasing. I remember there were radial spikes at each end to prevent access but we swung around these. GGG is spot-on again about the pipe but I have no way of knowing if it was a water main or sewerage.

Keith - the only way East can be West is if the Planisphere is NOT being read upside-down ... hold the thing above your head and look up at it. I know you were bitten by the NASA missions. In the Observer this morning was an article about 4500 photos about the space race being sold ... some of them are on The Guardian's gallery here: http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/gallery/2012/nov/03/golden-age-space-exploration-pictures#/?picture=398788964&index=0

Keith, you say: "... reading the planisphere wrong but I can't work it out properly." Are you inverting it and reading it from below ? Have you got it orientated to North? One tip is to look for an obvious star group or constelation, say Orion and then look for 'his' belt of 3 close stars (actually the centre one isn't a star but it looks like one from here) or Ursa Major (the Big Dipper). With Ursa Major you'll discover the 'trick' of easily finding the Pole Star (Polaris) around which everything swivels. Once you 'get your eye in' identifying the constelations is easy then you'll be able to plot the movement of the planets across the night sky. Also remember what you see on a Winter's night will be different to a Summer night. Street lights ... some people might obtain or fashion a key to access the control space behind the low-level metal door in the post and turn the thing off - obviously taking care with the lekky not to fry themselves or they use an air rifle. You could go up on your roof, so you're above the street lamps ... the only trouble with is method (apart from falling off in the dark) is that the neighbours will think you're a Peeping-Tom but you'll get a much better view of the sky.

Keith - once you get hooked on this you'll want more and more info about what you're looking at, and more expensively better kit. Bins are great to start with but buy yourself a Planishere for about a fiver ... you'll need to go to a bookshop in the Toon. It's a circular plastic map (slightly smaller than a LP record) of the sky which you 'dial' in time & date then you invert it and it'll give you a map of the night sky. Obviously, the sky changes each night hence the time & date dial; you must also get one calibrated for your nearest latitude ... so don't be temped to get one off ebay as they also have a lifespan. You'll get some great views of the moon with your bins but decent study will be affected by hand shake so if you can rest the bins on something. Then frustration kicks in 'cos you want more detail and more clarity on the planets. Even a cheapo spotting scope (£50ish) is better than bins and these come with a tripod threaded socket (a camera tripod will fit) ... you'll then be able to see the moons of Jupiter. But then the frustration kicks in again, you want to see more .... oh, dear - planning application for observatory in back garden. Do get yourself onto the moors on a clear night, wrap-up well in a sleeping bag, lie on the ground and be knocked out by what you see. Yep, it happened to me.

J - according to www.192.com she was on the Electoral Roll up to 2009; there could be an innocent reason fro her not appearing on 2010/2011 ... she might have opted out of her detail being shown on the 'edited' roll - local unedited full Electoral Rolls are availbale to personal callers at the local library, so if you live in Bedders you know what to do. If you want her address in 2009 you have to buy credit on 192. If there's no sign of her after you've done the above check with neighbouring addresses to see what happened to her. Her middle name was Eileen. She's not in the BT online phone book. Hope this helps.