Doomsday

[John Fox (foxy)]

[

I'll try a pint of what the Gaffa's on

Edited December 17, 2012 by foxy

[Canny lass]

Dear God,

I'm very afraid! The 21st December I'm planning a big party to celebrate being/surviving 25 years on the other side of the North Sea. If your planning any kind of big bang could you save it until midnight ... just to make the firework display a bit more exciting and keep the costs down. My old man thinks this Doomsday thing has all gone a bit too far. He says the date is right but the year is obviously wrong as he experienced Doomsday 21 December 1987. I wonder what he means by that?

[keith lockey]

Dear God,

I'm very afraid! The 21st December I'm planning a big party to celebrate being/surviving 25 years on the other side of the North Sea. If your planning any kind of big bang could you save it until midnight ... just to make the firework display a bit more exciting and keep the costs down. My old man thinks this Doomsday thing has all gone a bit too far. He says the date is right but the year is obviously wrong as he experienced Doomsday 21 December 1987. I wonder what he means by that?

The point that EVERYONE is missing is that it is a plausible scenario. What I mean by that is there could be a planetary object, be it a comet or meteor, that returns within an Earth orbit every - in this case - 3,600 years. Halley's comet returns every 76 years, everyone accepts that, other comets visit us on a regular basis - there is one right now, the Geminid meteors and we all remember Halle-Bop in 1996-97. What if there is something out there heading this way, maybe not now but in the near future. Look at the surface of the moon - it is full of impact craters. Look at our own Earth history - meteor Crater in Arizona - Tunguska in Russia, and of course the one that is supposed to have wiped out the dinosaurs. We can have a chorttle at this one but IT IS A POSSIBLITY!!!! There could be one out there heading in. That is the point I am trying to make. I know we are laughing at this, but deep down there are a lot of worried people. Governments would not broadcast this kind of news for fear of what it would do to the infrastructure. People would panic, that is a fact. Let's just hope we all see the New Year in, but I reiterate - it is a possible scenario peeps, keep that in mind.

Edited December 17, 2012 by keith lockey

[Symptoms]

I SPEAKETH EXPRESSLY THAT ALL THAT THEE SEE ABOVE IN THE HEAVENS ARE MEARLY MY PLAYTHINGS, MEAR BAUBLES JUGGLED FOR MY PLEASURE.

THE WORD OF THE LORD SHALL ENDURETH FOR EVER AND SHALL ALWAYS BE SO, THEREFORE BE CONTENT MY GRAZING SHEEP I HAVE NO DESIRE FOR YOUR MEANDERINGS TO END SOON - ONLY I WILL DECIDE THE MOMENT FOR IT WILL BE FIVE SCORE MILLENIUM HENCE (ROUGHLY).

MY DAUGHTER CANNY YOU MAY NOT FEAR BUT I AM DISCONTENT THAT YOU RESIDE WITH THE GODLESS BEYOND HOME SHORE - HE WHO YOU CALL YOUR "OLD MAN" BE WISE SO TAKE NOTE AND FOLLOW HIS MINISTRIES

MY SPECIAL PROTECT THAT WHICH I CALL "OPERATION HOT IRONS UP KEITH LOCKEY BUM" IS NOW TAKING SHAPE AS I HAVE RENEWED ME ZEAL FOR MY PREVIOUS METHODS TRIALED WITH MUCH SUCCESS BY MY RED CLOAKED FOLLOWERS IN SPAIN. I HAVE NOT FORSAKEN YOU KEITH LOCKEY EVEN THOUGH YOU HAVE SHOWN ME GREAT AND SORRY TROUBLES BUT BE PREPARED FOR A VERY SORE BOTTOM

[keith lockey]

Hoi, Your Big Lettersness.

How come tother Keith gets happy birthday and I get the red hot irons up the bum? Is this favouritism? Referee! Referee. Now listen thou Big Worded One No one expects the Spanish Inquisition but if they come around here with anything that resembles a prody pokey thing that they made in Mr Preston's metal work shop then they are gonna get a good yarkin. It took me two months to get that other thing out of my posterier, but that was because I had to change the batteries twice. So red hot pokers is it? Well I'll raise you two red hot pokers and see you with an Iron Maiden and a rack. But you'll have to do all this before Friday, because that is when Nibiru arrives and he will stick more than red hot pokers up everybody's backsides. We'll have two suns in the sky - check Youtube Antarctica peeps - and you know what that means - I turn into my other, alter-ego. I'll Give you a clue here - he has a big S on his chest and wears his underpants on the outside. Kal El = Keith L. Red hot pokers won't even mark my Y-Fronts mate. But can't banter trivia here, I've got to find a phone booth. Tara for now Your Cloud-cuckooness.

[Malcolm Robinson]

TRIALED WITH MUCH SUCCESS BY MY RED CLOAKED FOLLOWERS IN SPAIN.

[Symptoms]

YOUR SO CALLED SUPERHEROS ART MEAR INSECTS - THEY ARE LIKE LOCUSTS WHO ATTEMPT TO DEVOUR THE FEAST OF FAITH IN ME AND MY WORKS

THROW YOUSELF BEFORE ME I SAY AND I WILL LEND YOU INSIGHT TO GAZE BEYOND THE HEAVENS AND LOOK UPON WITH WONDER THROUGH YOUR BINOCULARS

ENOUGH I SAY ... I MUST BE ABOUT MY WORK

[keith lockey]

The Feast of Faith is on the other site - food. It comes under banana sandwiches. I bet you're the type that puts margarine and sugar on and I bet you cut your 'nana sandwiches with a knife. And as for lending me insight to gaze beyond the heavens well I've already got X-Ray eyes, ya boo hiss. Didn't they have DC Comics at your end of the Universe. Anyway, if I wanted that I would have tuned into the Sky at Night with Sir Patrick, bless his little cotton socks. (You better be looking after him up there, or else.) But Just remember I'm faster than a speeding bullet and more powerful than an east coast train. I can leap over tall buildings...well at least the back gate...and I draw power from the Sun - at least page three - and I've got a nice, ankle-length red cape and matching pixie boots. When this brown / red dwarf appears on Friday I will have double the energy and might even stop napping in the afternoon. But enough of this frivolity; I must fly to the other end of the cosmos to stop Dr Doom from unleashing repeats of Dallas now that Larry Hagman has shuffled off this mortal coil. So until next time Your OTTness, have a nice day and don't tire yourself out at work. PS, where's those two angels I asked for, you know, Kylie and Carrie.

Edited December 18, 2012 by keith lockey

[Symptoms]

MY SON WHO IS KNOWN AS KEITH LOCKEY BE THOU AT EASE FOR THY BOLDNESS AND STRENGTH, STAND THEE OUT FROM THE MULTITUDE AND THOSE VEXED WITH UNCLEAN SPIRITS FOR YOU ARE TREASURED AND WILL HAVE A PLACE AT MY SIDE AS IT CANNOT BE ON MY KNEE AS THAT PLACE IS TAKEN BY MY WORTHY DISCIPLE PATRICK (HIS WORLDLY TITLE WAS FORFEITED AT THE GATES AND BEHOLD IS WITHOUT BLAME ACCORDING TO THE WORD OF YEWTREE).

I HAVE GIVEN YOU THE POWER OF X-RAY EYES TO SEE FAR INTO MY REALM FOR YOU ARE NOW DESERVING AND ALWAYS WILL BE. COMMANDS HAVE GONE OUT THIS DAY FOR MY RED CLOAKED FOLLOWERS IN SPAIN TO QUENCH THEIR BRAZIERS WITH YOUR NAME AFIXED AS I WILL NOT PUT YOU TO THE TEST BUT HAVE READIED THEM FOR OTHERS LODGING IN THIS VILLAGE.

Edited December 18, 2012 by GOD

[John Fox (foxy)]

Youv'e just dropped yourself in again with the mention of Yewtree :dribble:

Edited December 18, 2012 by foxy

[keith lockey]

The penny drops and the veil is lifted. I can RIP now. Sigh.

[Symptoms]

ALL IS WELL IN THIS PLACE AND I WILL AWAY TO DO MY GOOD WORKS ABROAD BUT NEVER FEAR THAT ONE WHO IS KNOWN AS MALCOLM ROBINSON FOR HE IS BLESSED ALSO

FEAR NOT VILLAGERS I COMMAND THAT ALL THE WICKED DOOMSDAY NAYSAYERS TO CRINGE IN FEAR AND SHAME FOR PREACHING THE FALSE WORD OF BEELZBUB - YOUR WORLD WILL NOT END ... I SHALL POST THE FOLLOWING DAY AND LET ALL THOSE WHO DOUBT ME THEN SINK TO THY KNEES BEFORE ME AND BEHOLD ME FOR I AM TRUE.

[Malcolm Robinson]

Ahh yes religion isn't that the opium of the people GOD?

[mercuryg]

God,

There are certain rules of etiquette when communicating in the digital world. It is very rude to shout. Please keep your booming from the heavens to a minimum, and drop the bold, OK?

[keith lockey]

Fear not, Bedlingtonians, I have assembled an awesome team of superheroes to save us from the Mayan calender predictions forecasted for tomorrow. Never before has such a task force been united. More powerful than the Avengers; more magnificent than the seven; more justifible than the Justice League of America, more legendary than the Legion of Super heroes - I present our saviours; our last line of defence - The Bedlington Bravehearts...

er, then again, you better start digging deep bunkers.

Edited December 20, 2012 by keith lockey

[Adam Hogg]

Very British response to the end of the would according to yahoo:

Britain

Britons have largely 'kept calm and carried on' - although some 'Doomsday preppers' are ready for the worst.

British sci fi author Edward O'Toole is so convinced disaster is inevitable that he has already moved to Slovakia to prepare for the end.

He says, "I think there will be a new Dark Age and I want my children to have a good chance of survival.”

Other organisations have kept a stiff upper lip.

The London Fire Brigade spokesman advised: "Fit a smoke alarm on each level of your home, then at least you might stand a chance of knowing that the end of the world is nigh ahead of those who don't.

"If you survive the apocalypse you'll be alerted to a fire more quickly should one ever break out."

The AA said: "Before heading off, take time to do the basic checks on your car and allow extra time for your journey.”

See other countries responses to the end of the world:

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/mayan-apocalypse-2012--how-the-world-s-believers-are-preparing-for-the-end-135520325.html

[John Fox (foxy)]

Think you've all lost your Marbles!

Edited December 20, 2012 by foxy

[Malcolm Robinson]

Still waiting for this Mayan Apocalypse to get started....................

[keith lockey]

Just like the bus I went for today - it didn't turn up. It's a sorry state of affairs when scientists can't get the end of the world right. Who can you trust now? I mean look at all the folks who have been let down. People will have to buy their kids presents now. They can't use Doomsday as an excuse for not buying them anything this Christmas. You'll have to pay your bills as well and decorate the hall for the missus. I blame this Tory government for this. If labour had been in the world would have ended exactly at the time stipulated 11.11am. But one thing did happen - a miracle. I flagged down a scrap man in our street today and said I had a TV for him - and he said he didn't want it!!! Hallelujah, Hallelujah.

[threegee]

... If labour had been in the world would have ended exactly at the time stipulated 11.11am. B...

Aren't you confusing the end of the World with "the end of boom and bust"? Can't fault Labour on that one though: no more boom, all bust!

[keith lockey]

Aren't you confusing the end of the World with "the end of boom and bust"? Can't fault Labour on that one though: no more boom, all bust!

I'm just trying to consider what I would do if given the option of having G. Brown as PM or choosing the end of the world. It's a hard one. Then again, look at what we got. For the first time in my life I can honestly say I am TOTALLY disillusioned with our political choices. I seriously cannot see the point in voting anymore, it just seems futile, especially with what we've got to choose from. But this is not the correct place for this topic and I politely refuse to get drawn into politics on this or any other site.

Now when is the next doomsday event, have I got time to polish off a bottle of dry white?

[keith lockey]

Maybe the end is just postponed. Isn't it a tad coincidental that this should appear at this time. Maybe the Nibiru 'false scare' was just preparing us for the real thing, you know, let's see how people react before we tell them the real thing is coming - later than we said.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/brighter-than-a-full-moon-the-biggest-star-of-2013-could-be-the-comet-of-the-century-8431443.html

[keith lockey]

IT'S BACK...AAARRRGGGHHH!

We're doomed...doomed.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2013/feb/08/asteroid-will-miss-earth-says-nasa

[threegee]

A miss is as good as a Milliband!

[keith lockey]

Let's hope it doesn't get deflected or knock out our satellites or land on Table 25.

http://www.independe...on-8496325.html

Edited February 15, 2013 by keith lockey