Christmas Wishes

[pilgrim]

being somewhat rural - and having noted the theory of the multiverse .... does that mean that  we should put a multiverse addendum to the post code and thereby get post within its 'sell by' date instead of waiting for the pigeon? it is astounding that I can get a passport from Glasgow sent by m/cycle courier with no charge (it wasn't fast tracked) within a week and also DBS clearance within 10 days of posting and yet it takes NCC 8 months to explain why they sold my mothers grave plot -- oops I fibbed -- it is over a year and they still haven't replied.. and why the DWP live in a different world/time to the rest of us .. I'm thinking that when they sell off what's left of the 'ROYAL@ mail they should maybe speak to Santa (or amazon since they seem to be more capable) I suspect a plot!!!!

I demand more rights for reindeer and full employment with a minimum wage and as much grass and mushrooms as they can eat.

.... webtrekker.. a black hole is easily explained -- they were thought to be quasi real objects to explain the relative amounts of mass in the universe and the gravitational effects seen by the bending of light from far distant places - but as you have proved they exist in reality in everyones pocket/wallet/purse ... considering that a black hole is an infinite gravitational field (although infinity is only the term for the limits of what we can comprehend and there may be a greater infinity - as in the amount of money poured into certain parts of the county) I would therefore ask you to contemplate a greater mystery which affects us all --- why is belly button fluff all the same colour and consistency no matter what you wear? now that is amazing...

[Canny lass]

Count me in for the multiverse addendum! I can swim to England in less time than it takes for my letters and parcels to arrive! I use  the tracking device and I can see that they leave this country the day after posting but seem to disappear for up to weeks Before being delivered. Possibly they are hanging about in this black hole you speak of?

 

The mystery of the belly button fluff is intriguing. I can't say I've noticed it until you mentioned it but something similar occurs between the toes in relation to socks.

[pilgrim]

I note that the NASA provision of Santa's progress seems to be quite accurate, but I suspect that the tracking 'apps' supplied by postal firms are solely there to lull you into a false sense that all is well in the world, is a bit like saying 'it's in the post'!!!

On the subject of navel accretions, I have noticed a similarity with the detritus gathered between the lower digits after the application of new socks and the accumulation of deposits in the middle regions, but have noticed a distinct difference in their composition as one has a particularly odiferous resonance.

HOWEVER – you may have stumbled upon the real truth of the universe, both disproving the Einsteinian idea of e=mc2 and proving the existence of the multiverse.

Given that said accumulations far outweigh what could be expected from the fibres from clothing (I may embark on a project to collect said matter from these locations over the forthcoming year and weigh them to compare against any weight loss from my wardrobe – well you have to have a hobby don't you?) it leads me to postulate that these deposits are indeed of a trans dimensional origin, this influx of mass from external forces would lead to mini black holes close you your wallet/purse, thus explaining the disappearance  of cash at this time of year., and also the requirement of 'fairies' to place the extraneous matter.  Further proof of this is the fact that every year I have socks given as Christmas presents but no one admits to giving them!!! I will check all the last 30 yers of Dr Who scripts for valid references but I suspect that even he has not caught on to this as yet..

 

[Malcolm Robinson]

_Sounds more like a Terry Pratchet prognosis pilgrim........

 

_{We could feed the planet if we could find out how the}  

 

accumulated detritus is actually larger than any loss of fibre on adhering fabric.  

[Canny lass]

Could be the start of a whole new series of Dr Who!  Hobby sounds exciting too!

I do the same thing with cat fur and put it out for the birds in the spring. Now why didn't I Think of weighing the cat. Funny thing is I Think she gets heavier and two years ago, I actually found a mouse hole in the barn - all neatly lined with cat fur. Definitely an influx of mass from external forces.

[Maggie/915]

I think a boxed set of the Simpsons is needed Canny Lass.

DOH !

Living outside the country can mean we miss cultural references.

However I look forward to 3g's explanation..

[Canny lass]

Ah! it's from the Simpsons! That explains it. Hasn't taken off here. Never seen it.

[Alan Edgar (Eggy1948)]

Well that's my 2016 xmas ruined! I may as well request the fairies to gather my belly button fluff, seal it with the odiferous resonating slime from the lower digits and post it to Sweden and pay the extra to have it tracked only to find as it crosses the North sea, at 24 kph, it will be dragged into a black hole to be delivered in the parallel universe of 91.9 millionth entit

 

My uncontrollable tears will not result in any kinetic movement but will result in the worlds ocean level rising by the square of 2 x mc hammer extreme dropped crotch joggers.

 

ps.

Dear Santa

I have a list of names for you that are to be added to the DOH list of naughty children that can be excluded from presents so Stephen Hawking can start his one relative theory into why them, and Disc World, have been ignored.

 

yours sincerely

 

Wilf

[Canny lass]

I'm still not getting the grasp of what this 'doh' actually means. Can anybody put me out of my musery here?

 

Sorry about the ruined Xmas, Eggy and

 

WELCOME BACK WILF!!

Edited December 30, 2015 by Canny lass

[Malcolm Robinson]

DOH is an internet expression of frustration as far as I know...........

[pilgrim]

malcolm -- did you pick that up as a reult of tending council meetings???

[Canny lass]

Thank you Malcolm!

[Alan Edgar (Eggy1948)]

[pilgrim]

it is also the absolute and only word that sums up and can be used to express the feeling that you get when having verbally performed the ultimate 'faux pas' - that moment when you achieve the pinnacle that all contortionists dream of, of being able to put both feet into your mouth at the same time. we must thank the tinternet for this, and the invention of the mobile 'phone -- that moment when you press send with a message for your other half describing her mother and the dreaded moment of self doubt when you realise you have sent that mss to her mothers mobile. that moment immediately after you press send on 'tinternet' for a 'social networking' site and realise - bugga that wasn't put into a private mss.

I was at a social drinks thingy with neighbours last week and one of them was a bishop (another neighbour), the drinks were welcome and flowing, all was well in the world and most convivial, with good food and company, I said to her - ya not a bad looking lass and I like ya way of thinking -- the reply was -- don't get ya hopes up - I'm a lesbian.. and the world fell silent with only the falling of snowflakes sounding like thunder... a double DOH.

Eggy I must thank you for the poster - which gives the most definitive explanation of 'DOH' ever - its a head in the hands moment, an, 'I wish I was a time traveller', moment - a one of those - ok I had a drink last night but did I really say that? and of course we all know that with drink only the perpetrator can not recall the event, but no matter how much drink has been consumed by other parties they can all recall every detail!!!

perhaps the 'DOH' is the modern version of the godguilt thing which makes us all behave and mend our ways..............until the next time - the 'DOH can only be viewed as 'humbling' and we all suffer from it at some time

[Malcolm Robinson]

Pilgrim,

 

There are many words I could use to describe council meetings however for the sake of council understanding them the expression being used currently has too many syllables to be universally understood by all members!  In fact at some council meetings……..higher up ones that is…… you might have to wake members up to ask them if they understood! 

 

(I wish everyone HAD to attend council meetings and see the performance of the people they are electing!  Pity Pratchett is gone would have made an excellent source for his type of humour!)   

[John Fox (foxy)]

Pilgrim,

 

There are many words I could use to describe council meetings however for the sake of council understanding them the expression being used currently has too many syllables to be universally understood by all members!  In fact at some council meetings……..higher up ones that is…… you might have to wake members up to ask them if they understood! 

 

(I wish everyone HAD to attend council meetings and see the performance of the people they are electing!  Pity Pratchett is gone would have made an excellent source for his type of humour!)   

Well that one was worth the green arrow up button .......Maggs!

[Maggie/915]

You have reached your quota of positive votes for the day.

Will try again Foxy.

I still do not know the rules.

[pilgrim]

the string of this thread (that looks very odd when typed and may be an oxymoron or indeed sum up the paradox of the whole Santa question)  has nicely, as usual, spread along many and different pathways, however, I believe that Pratchett could have solved the matter, but as he is no longer available in this multiverse, I had to consider other means.

Two of my old school friends now hold chairs in very prestigious universities, so I thought I would ask them. One was recently appointed a fellow of the royal society, so I thought that would be a good place to start. When I posed the difficulties in trying to plumb the depths of the belly button/toe fluff problem and explaining the theories put forward on this very site he looked somewhat blank, (or maybe he just blankly at me) but then again his field is bio chemistry and obviously the multiverse concept was beyond him, so I will forgive his ignorance.

The Santa thing did trigger some recognition, so his cognitive powers have not yet descended into a sea of port at high table, and he may have the answer to part of it regarding the consumption of offerings laid out for Santa.  Apparently this matter was resolved by Pythagoras and we have overlooked the answer beneath our noses!! he explained it is quite simple -- Pi=pastry over meat (savoury or otherwise) and all pies follow this rule so we do not need a definition for the 'mince pie' as it has been there all along, otherwise it would be a quiche!!

On the NCC meeting question -- he suspects there is no answer within this universe to council meetings, as they seem to be 'otherworldy' and suspects the answer is to ship them all off to another universe where apparently they live already (I think this was originally postulated in the Hitchhikers Guide and applied to telephone hygienists and certain others. he will raise the subject within the Royal Society, but suspects that the greatest minds in the universe will never be able to fathom council meetings - and suspects an alien conspiracy as College meetings and others seem to go the same way.

[pilgrim]

maggie -- ignore the rules rules - the world is made a much better place by those who question and ignore the rules -- martin luther (both of them) did a splendid job!!

[Malcolm Robinson]

Ah........ha...

 

 

 

[Maggie/915]

Pilgrim you should have been at the Radio 3 Free Thinking Festival at the Sage this year.

The subject was ' Are you a Rule Maker or a Rule a Breaker '.

[pilgrim]

rule maker? rule breaker?  - no .. just a simple seeker after truth, hence the name  -- in the middle of the journey of my life i came to a place in the darkwood where the straight way was lost.............

Edited December 31, 2015 by pilgrim

[Maggie/915]

Good quote Pilgrim

Seamus Heaney maybe.

[Canny lass]

It's Dante, Maggie but I don't Think it's Heaney*s interpretation. Heaney interpreted "Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita" to "Half way on our life's journey" rather than "In the middle of the journey of my life". Mind you, I had to look that up as it's so long since I worked with The Divine Comedy.  On the whole, Heaney's is a fantastic version. I read a Swedish version some years ago but it just didn't manage to give the same 'feel'.

[Maggie/915]

Agreed Canny Lass but lots of versions or translations.

From the dark wood lots of paths are lost or do not go in a straight way forward.

Either way I think you can say we took the path less travelled to reach our destination.

Not that we have got there yet.

'It's not dark yet but it is getting there'