Has anybody noticed?

[Canny lass]

1 minute ago, moe19 said:

Hinney, ya could  not shoot anyone doon even if ya had a twelve bore shotgun, ya would like ta think ya could but ya canit ya are just like a spoilt bairn stampin and wailing  and hoying a tantrum cos ya canit get tha own way, mind thee ya could mevies talk or bore a few ta shoot thasells ,  but me only irritation comes from  me poor owld Farmer Giles throbbing

 Ya see a divint really give a gnats chuff aboot Easter eggs or any of the other daft things ya blart on and obsess  aboot,   but a naa it gets rite up  ya beak when folk divint agree with everything ya say and fail ta fall on bended knee and woorship ya, so  it gives is a good laugh ta see ya teek all the bait a hoy at ya, and naa that ya will have steam cumming  oot ya lugs wi a face like a turkey cock bangin away on ya computa    

Ya see hinny ya teek ya sell owa serious, and ya are more easy ta wind up than me owld alarm clock and a must admit ya meck is  laugh  

Now a hear the word Christmas is ganna be banned from wa puddings this year, what di ya meek o that hinney     

 

Translation for our non-ethnic readers (bracketed information for information):

Honey, you couldn't shoot anyone down if you had a 12-bore shotgun, you would like to think you could but you can't you are just like a spoilt child stamping and wailing and throwing a tantrum (MOI!) because you can't get your own way, mind you you could perhaps talk or bore a few to shoot themselves, but my only irritation comes from my poor old haemorrhoids throbbing.

You see I don't really give a darn about Easter eggs or any of the other silly things you go on about, but I know it gets right up your nose when people don't agree with everything you say and fail to fall on bended knee and worship you, so it gives me a good laugh to see you take all the bait I throw at you, and know that you will have steam coming out of your ears (MOI!) with a face like a male turkey  (MOI!)thrashing away on your computer

You must understand Honey that you take yourself too seriously, and you are more easily wound up than my old alarm clock and I must admit you make me laugh

Now I hear the word Christmas is going to be banned from our puddings this year, what do you make of that honey

End of translation.

 

 

[Canny lass]

6 minutes ago, pilgrim said:

would that be black puddings or white puddings?????

I thought it referred to the ones Moe didn't want his chocolate eggs sticking to earlier in the discussion.

[Canny lass]

 ... and Moe, I think you should stop your silliness. You are really making a fool of yourself.

[moe19]

7 minutes ago, Canny lass said:

 ... and Moe, I think you should stop your silliness. You are really making a fool of yourself.

Ditto Hinney, Ditto.

.

 

[pilgrim]

steam from the ears -- obviouslyy the piles are causing a backlog (I think I mentioned piles as a possible cause for the problems a while back) long may they continue.....

[moe19]

[Canny lass]

37 minutes ago, pilgrim said:

steam from the ears -- obviouslyy the piles are causing a backlog (I think I mentioned piles as a possible cause for the problems a while back)

... you did indeed mention them earlier. I can't understand anybody allowing themselves to suffer in this day and age when there are so many creams and suppositories available costing less than a pint.

[webtrekker]

28 minutes ago, Canny lass said:

... you did indeed mention them earlier. I can't understand anybody allowing themselves to suffer in this day and age when there are so many creams and suppositories available costing less than a pint.

Have you ever tried swallowing those suppository thingy-ma-jigs? I'd rather stuff them up my *rse! 

[moe19]

41 minutes ago, Canny lass said:

... you did indeed mention them earlier. I can't understand anybody allowing themselves to suffer in this day and age when there are so many creams and suppositories available costing less than a pint.

.. Ohh my  Big Gob, I think you should stop your silliness. You are really making a fool of yourself.

Edited April 2, 2018 by moe19

[pilgrim]

well said webtrekker - my thoughts exactly - but recall the first invective and ddiatribe was on a Sunday when nthe chemists were closed -- which perhaps explains things lol (I did mention that at the time) and as for things in ya back passage -- well perhaps keeping ya bike there would give a somewhat grumpy attitude ...

[Canny lass]

14 minutes ago, webtrekker said:

Have you ever tried swallowing those suppository thingy-ma-jigs? I'd rather stuff them up my *rse! 

Quite frankly, Webtrekker, I'd rather stuff them up somebody else's and indeed have done so on many occasions during my years with the NHS

[Canny lass]

15 minutes ago, moe19 said:

. Ohh my  Big Gob, I think you should stop your silliness. You are really making a fool of yourself.

Translation for our ethnic minority readers:

'Oh my Big Mouth'

(There is a degree of ambuguity present in that it's not quite clear if Moe is  referring to his own mouth or mine).

End of translation. The remainder is perfectly good Queen's English of the type you are used to working with.

Moe

You are making yourself out to be a bigger idiot than you really are. This doesn't look good. I've offered you a way out which will allow you to retain a bit of dignity. Take that opportunity.!

Edited April 2, 2018 by Canny lass

[pilgrim]

replace idiot with arse - as that seems to be the underlying theme lol

[moe19]

8 minutes ago, Canny lass said:

. This doesn't look good. I've offered you a way out which will allow you to retain a bit of dignity. Take that opportunity.!

Now hiney am enjoyin me sell far to much ta worry aboot daft things like dignity, just like ya sell wi all ya talk abbot arses an piles av got nenn.

Wor lass was askin what as was deing ont the computa , a says am talking ta big Gob, she says OHH that reminds is we need a new heed for the mop, a divint na what mad e a think oh that.

Keep ya pooda dry hinny .

.

 

.

 

   

[Canny lass]

52 minutes ago, moe19 said:

Now hiney am enjoyin me sell far to much ta worry aboot daft things like dignity, just like ya sell wi all ya talk abbot arses an piles av got nenn.

Wor lass was askin what as was deing ont the computa , a says am talking ta big Gob, she says OHH that reminds is we need a new heed for the mop, a divint na what mad e a think oh that.

Keep ya pooda dry hinny .

Translation for our ethnic minority readers (Bracketed text for information):

'Now honey I'm enjoying myself far too much to worry about silly things like dignity, just like yourself with all your talk of backsides and haemorrhoids I've got none (funny, I could swear you said your "Farmer Giles" were bothering you).

My girl was asking what I was doing on the computer, I said I am talking to big Mouth, she said OHH (No, I've no idea either) that reminds me we need a new mop head, I don't know what made her think of that

Keep your powder dry

End of translation

Moe

You are being incredibly silly. As a matter of interest, why are you on the computer? You say yourself that this discussion is boring and that you have no interest in the subject. 

[moe19]

But Hinny if a wasint ont computa how would ya have filled ya day in. ya say am incrediblyy silly but ya canit stop talkin tiv is , mevies its me High Karate, wor lass  reckens it mekes is irisistable. I had some drippin and breed for me tea and she says watching the grease drip off me chins on ta me bellies makes her  swoon,  a just thought it was cos a had dropped some piccalilli on the new cooch    

And as for ya saying i have na interest int subject, what subject would that be hinny, ye and ya marrow took this thread of course many pages ago and turned it in to pages and pages of  very silly blather between the two of ya.

A divint naa if its me lack of full stops but ya translations have cartily gone off the boil

  

  

Edited April 2, 2018 by moe19

[Canny lass]

4 hours ago, Canny lass said:

Ya see a divint really give a gnats chuff aboot Easter eggs or any of the other daft things ya blart on and obsess  aboot,

That's why I thought you weren't interested in anything I had to say, so the answer to your question "what subject would that be" must be 'any subject'

 

26 minutes ago, moe19 said:

if a wasint ont computa how would ya have filled ya day in.

Same way as I've done all day - sitting at the computer working with syntax and earning large sums of money while enjoying a little light entertainment at refreshment breaks

26 minutes ago, moe19 said:

ye and ya marrow took this thread of course many pages ago

As the forum description states - "The only place where off-topic banter is OK. Just sometimes it's hard to recall that there ever was a topic! The general rules about defamation and harassment still apply though..

I have offered you the opportunity to bring it 'back on course'. 

You seem to be a bit calmer now. That's nice.

Edited April 2, 2018 by Canny lass

[webtrekker]

Ok. Stop this right now! 

 

 

 

 

I've got another batch of popcorn coming out the microwave...... 

[webtrekker]

Right. Popcorn cooked to perfection. 

'Lights, camera, ............' 

[moe19]

13 hours ago, Canny lass said:

 

 

Same way as I've done all day - sitting at the computer working with syntax and earning large sums of money while enjoying a little light entertainment at refreshment breaks

.

EHH  gan canny hinny , wor Goorty used ta play that computa  bingo, she spent all the hoosekeeping, a rememba me an wor lass used ta gan ti the Pivv at Ashinton years ago, one time a was waitin for one numba fo the Pink Link, a tell tha me hoop was putiinn like  a festard finga, hast thy been ti the PIvv hinny , did thy shooot HOOOSE  

Keep ya tima in hinny

 

Edited April 3, 2018 by moe19

[Canny lass]

7 hours ago, moe19 said:

EHH  gan canny hinny , wor Goorty used ta play that computa  bingo, she spent all the hoosekeeping, a rememba me an wor lass used ta gan ti the Pivv at Ashinton years ago, one time a was waitin for one numba fo the Pink Link, a tell tha me hoop was putiinn like  a festard finga, hast thy been ti the PIvv hinny , did thy shooot HOOOSE  

Keep ya tima in hinny

Translation for our non geordie members (bracketed text for information):

Be careful honey, our Gertie used to play that computer bingo, she spent all her social benefits, I remember myself and our girl used to go to the Pivv at Ashington years ago (I'm afraid I've never heard of the 'Pivv', guys. Could it be People's Institute for the Vacuous and Vapid?) Once I was waiting for one song for the Pink Link (Pork sausage?), I tell your my anus was throbbing like an infected finger, have your been to the Pivv honey, did your shout Who's? (you'll have to excuse him, he doesn't know his thees from his thys).

Keep The Islamic Manuscript Assosciation in honey

End of translation

[webtrekker]

Never heard of the Piv (Pavilion)? Sacriledge!

I'm not taking sides here, but anyone 'of a certain age' who has lived in this area and doesn't know the Piv has lead a very sheltered life indeed! 

[Canny lass]

1 minute ago, webtrekker said:

I'm not taking sides here,

No need. It's not a fight. Not even an argument, given the opposition.

[moe19]

Baa what a mornin me an hor have had, wa went ta book a double apointment at the quacks so wa could both gan in tagitha, wor lass has a yarkin sty on a left yack,  what a bramma , someone said if ya rub ya ring on them it clears them up but sha said naa way was my hoop ganin anwhere near hor clock   Anyway what a carry on the young bairn on the reseseption wanted ta knaa what was rang wi wus, so wor lass tells ha abbot the sty and the lassy says all posh like ta me Oh  and whats wrong with you, wey a told ha av got awfull wind hinny, its givin is such jip we the pain and wor lass is gannin daft  aboot the ming an the noise wakin ha up in the nite like, so sha says all posh again like, OH you mean you have flatulence, whey wor lass told ha a woodint push ya luck hinny its took is fiffty years ta get him ta call it wind      Anyway in wa gans and  the Doc gives her some sort of ointment to rub on ha mince pie and he gave me a pisciption for windcheatas a said ta him de a wear it or swally it hinny but he just looked a bit lost, so a thought that was that like but then wor lass starts wisparin in me lug like tell im abbot ya piles,  whey what a showin up e has is lyin doon ont bed wi me knees up ta me chist looking a me grapes of wrath  anyway he gives is some o them suppyositries that webrecker was taking aboot so off wa gans yem like an wor lass says sha wood gi is a hand wi the suppyositries so a gets me kecs and me combinations off like in the scullery and sha has is bendinn owa the wesha like tryin ta put them in, whey didint the rent wife walk in the back door, poor wife didint na wear ta put ha face    but not ta worry wor lass finnaly managed ta get the thing in for is and a thought that was that like but it wasint , a gans through ti the front room still minus me strides and bent doon ta poke the fire when a sudden atack o the wind cums on and a shot the cat , whey what a mornin, hinney, na more suppyositries  fa me an na more cat fa wor lass,  

If any o yis na o anyins cat havin youngins let is naa,

 

 

 

 

Edited April 3, 2018 by moe19

[pilgrim]

Robert William service wrote a poem entitled Bessie's Boil, which is well worth a read. 

 

on a more sombre note try Raw Recruit by same man.

Edited April 4, 2018 by pilgrim
second thoughts