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A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: “‘Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don’t know where I am”. The man below replied “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude”. “You must be a technician.” said the balloonist. “I am” replied the man “how did you know?” “Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip with your talk.” The man below responded, “You must be in management”. “I am” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?” “Well,” said the man “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault!

don't believe all you read on the internet!! John Hammill wrote a very balanced and open and OFFICIAL history of masonry (he was a Wallsend lad) There is a lodge at Beamish museum which you can walk around, which was donated by the Masons. I used to describe it as - not a secret society, but a society with secrets, and those only refer to the ritual. It was also perhaps the last bastion of the 'Christian ethic' on charity and help. they tend not to publicise the charitable works. Scarborough Court at Cramlington is a masonic establishment and they used to have others and their own hospital and fund research into gerontology. The requirement to believe in a god - a supreme being, is not specific to the Christian god, that is only required for the Knights Templar (clue in the name there) Up until the 60's and 70's Armistice Day and several other public events were attended by masons in full regalia but this died off due to adverse publicity and the movement tended to be more inward than secretive. hope that helps

Mack and Matilda Stein had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love Mack insisted on switching off the light. After 20 years Matilda felt this was ridiculous and she decided to break him out of this crazy habit. One night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a ‘battery-operated pleasure device’...! Quiet, wonderful and larger than a real one. Matilda went completely ballistic. "You impotent b@stard," She screamed at Mack, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You’d better be able to explain yourself!" Mack looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."