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Little old lady: I’m 86 years old. Barrister: tell the court now in your own words what happened on the evening of April 1st this year. Little old lady: I was sitting on my veranda when the young man from next door came and sat down beside me. Barrister: Did you know this man? Little old lady: Only a little bit. As I said – he’s a neighbour and appears pleasant enough. Barrister: What happened after he sat down? Little old lady: he told me that he liked older women and that he thought I was very sexy. Barrister: Please tell the court what happened next. Little old lady: He started to stroke my thigh. Barrister: Did you try to stop him? Little old lady: No I didn’t. It felt so nice and nobody’s done that since my Albert passed away 30 years ago. Barrister: And then? Little old lady: He put his hand inside my blouse. Barrister: Did you try to stop him? Little old lady: No I didn’t. It made me so warm and tingly. I haven’t felt that good in years. Barrister: And then what happened? Little old lady: I felt so excited that I just lay down and said “Take me young man, take me!” Barrister: And did he …………. take you? Little old lady: Like Hell he did! He just screamed “April fool, April fool” and that’s when I shot the b@#tard!!

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I have been a saver all my life I can recall at the turn of the century I had an account with the now defunct Alliance and Leicester (taken over by Sandander ) I was receiving interest at a staggering rate of 12.25%, I am now receiving from my present bankers the insulting sum of 0.5% interest. I can also recall as many here will that the mortgage payments I made in the Thatcher years more than doubled, we used to receive a letter from our lender Northern Rock at least once a month informing us of another rate rise, if we had borrowed beyond our limits like many folk did we would have been unable to make the payments and ended up homeless like a lot of poor folk did in them times, thank god we did not. I seem to have had the worst of financial luck paying a fortune in interest as a borrower and now earning nothing as a saver, the folk who have mortgages today are very lucky the government is keeping the rates low and I wish them well, but how long can this situation continue . As we possibly head for negative interest some banks are talking of charging customers interest for money they have in current accounts ( I already pay hefty charges on my business account) are we going to see what is already happening in Japan happen here,disgruntled folk have created a shortage of safes apparently in Japan as people are buying them on mass and withdrawing savings from banks to store at home . Why should I allow a bank to have my savings and lend them out to borrowers charging then interest making the bank money to pay bloated salaries to its champagne swilling hooray Henri's but giving me and others like me nothing, http://www.ft.com/cms/s/2/831ace74-3471-11e6-bda0-04585c31b153.html#axzz4JOViXNup