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I have no intention of running a pub, just a bar that would open every, say, fortnight on a saturday evening in the (soon to be) glorious surroundings of Tumby Lawn's Old Stable Courtyard, where people can come along, bring their musical instruments and play, or recite poetry or tell stories, or even dance - any performance art in fact. (This is, in fact, a serious plan!) One would make a 'contribution to the cost' on the door and be given a few 'free' bottles of beer, so as to bypass the actual sale of alcohol on the premises, and a good night shall be had by all. Believe it or not, we have a list of people who are waiting for it to happen! My brewery kit is all here, just need to sort the cellar out and get brewing! As for being PM, don't think I could be bothered!

"good, substantial British knicker –elastic" - my turnip-picking friends, who are not being sent home when (or even if) we leave Europe much to the dissatisfaction of those who voted Leave, swear by it; all that get down, get up, chuck turnip in the trailer, get down...and so on routine really takes its toll on your waistline. It's no wonder the mile-long queue of locals at the Job Centre have every possible medical condition going the prevents them even entering a field (fielditis, or its close cousin fieldaphobia are the most commonly quoted). Poor souls. I'm pleased, now, that I voted remain, which is what all the Eastern Europeans around here will now do, as I did fear conscription into the upcoming beetroot season uprooting. Now THAT is a bind. In all seriousness - well, a bit - there's really not a lot to worry about. Life will go on, the sun will still rise and set, and so on. UK businesses will continue to do business with Eurozone pals, and vice versa, and we will continue to be a little island, part of Europe, no matter what happens. That's what always has happened. Now, it's a lovely morning here at Tumby Lawn; the sun is out, the sky is clear, the partridges are merrily prancing around, safe in the knowledge they won't get shot on our land because it's not a Monday, and the miniature horses are a joy to watch munching away in the paddock; the limpy goat is still limping, the donkey still has wonderful, enormous ears, and the dogs go about their life merrily, farting with gay abandon, as only whippets can. I'm sure Mrs May would rather wake up to this...

Whey at last we've getting a nice new bus shelter at the stop adjacent ti Earth Balance....aa griped on aboot for a few yeors,not for mesel,but for the benefit of the client workers of the Horticultural therapy unit,who aav waatched for seventeen winters,huddling together in the pouring rain,and snow,when we've had snow...like!...frozen ti the bone after working ootside,and stanning waiting for late buses! Noo,aam wondering if we can get back wor shelter wat was tekkin oot at the entrance of the new Proton Beam Therapy Unit building site,and currently in use by the contract workers onsite,as a smoking shelter,INSIDE THE SECURITY FENCING AROUND THE SITE!! It's oot of sight of the public eye,hidden behind the reet high fence,but aav got pics and video of it standing there,when it should be re-instated where it has been promised.....on the opposite side of the road ti the one that's just been put in afore-mentioned!! As a little further gripe,wor new shelter is missing the nice "East Bedlington Parish Council" decals at each end,wat let's visitors to Earth Balance knaa where they are!! Aam gaana get onti the Coonty Cooncil for info as ti wat's happening!!

So, the real question is will our Mr Lavery get a real job, and if so who would be idiotic enough to employ him?