Malcolm Robinson

Nice one Keith........

A COWBOY TOMBSTONE: Here are the Five Rules for Men to Follow for a Happy Life that Russell J. Larsen had inscribed on his headstone in Logan, Utah. He died not knowing that he would win the 'Coolest Headstone' contest. FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE: 1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job. 2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh. 3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you. 4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you. 5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me.

Brilliant........has to be worth its own thread!

Here we go........almost straight off the pen of E L James. The Cruz sisters were at the front of the queue too! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLWRxKD18ZI&feature=player_embedded

The Americans have asked if they can use the Queen on their new 25 dollar note. The UK have said OK, as long as we can put their president back on our jam jars.

A SMALL GLIMMER OF HOPE IN THE GLOOM ! 'Viagra' is now available in powder form for your tea. It doesn't enhance your sexual performance but it does stop your biscuit going soft.

Only one beer and pub on Keith..............

Worthington E............strange tasting beer if I remember correctly...........

Plus we might well see some action on the Greek front over the next week or two. Having just raised enough (probably thanks to the ECB!) to pay off a maturing chunk of debt Greece needs to find some dosh, or unlock the next Troika tranche, just to stand still. Their new dictator Premier is having a round of quite secretive meetings and if I was him I would be gathering the best line of defence I could to counter Frau Merkel. Given the support the Greeks now have off Israel (?) and some other countries a Euro exit might not look too bad these days!!!!!!!!! Course there is always the other side of the coin where the Frau might well leave the table, given her performances in the German domestic arena. Looks like it will be down to a 4 billion Euro bluff............either Greece meets that extra austerity or a, she gets kicked out of the Euro or b, Germany exits!

Just to put the last post into perspective: A/ 2 years into a 'savage' austerity programme HMG have saved about £13B. B/ The BOE have printed and spent £325B underpinning our bankers economy . (incidentally Olympics cost……….£13B without stuff like safety and security costings!!!!!!! Plus Boris telling everyone to stay away from London while it's on and a lot of people doing that?) Now B-A = a MINUS figure of £312B or the amount of EXTRA debt HMG have taken on for us!

Is this guy for real???????????? We have made money on printing then giving ourselves the cash???? A long walk off a very short pier is called for and if this is the level of intelligence by a leading banking economist then…………. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/economics/9476069/QE-could-fund-a-20bn-tax-giveaway.html

So do I Merc but I wouldn't tell anyone!!!!

The Olympic jokes have started ........... I see the Romanians have taken Gold, Silver and Bronze.............. and copper and lead, and any other metal they can get their thieving hands on!! ----------------------------------- The sailing results are in. G.B. took the gold, USA took the silver, Somalia took a middle aged couple from Weymouth. ----------------------------------------------------- I see the Aussies aren't doing very well in the Olympics, but then if they could run they wouldn't have been Australians in the first place. ----------------------------------------------------------------- My mate asked me: "What is the shortest race in the Olympics?" After thinking for a few minutes, I came up with an answer: "Chinese," I replied -------------------------------------------------------- Of course Team G.B. ladies won the rowing... it's the same basic movement as ironing

1.Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. 2 Law of Gravity- Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 3. Law of Probability-The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. 4.Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. 5.Variation Law -If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). 7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. 8. Law of Close Encounters-The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 9. Law of the Result- When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. 10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 11.. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk. 12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 13.Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. 14. Law of Physical Surfaces- The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug. 15.Law of Logical Argument- Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. 16.Brown's Law of Physical Appearance- If the clothes fit, they're ugly. 17.Oliver's Law of Public Speaking- A closed mouth gathers no feet. 18.Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy-As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. 19.Doctors' Law- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

Like oysters who thought this was a good idea for food......................

Know exactly what you mean Keith..............having said that I had had a go at their elder brother snails!

If I remember rightly all the crab men, back in the day, were started by a Sunderland company........... Imagine their turnover.......the majority of pubs and clubs at the height of the trade. Very soon copied then self supplied by the premises, but for a while...........

And I am not even going to mention Canny Lass's last post!

Message off the mods..................

Who is giving who a hug...............??

Oh Keith...........speakers on! Star Trek TNG - Computer - Input algorithm not accepted.wav

WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ (To pass requires only four correct answers) 1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last? 2) Which country makes Panama hats? 3) From which animal do we get cat gut? 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? 6) The Canary Islands in the Atlantic are named after what animal? 7) What was King George VI's first name? 8) What colour is a purple finch? 9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? 10) What is the colour of the black box in a commercial Airplane? Remember, you only need four correct answers to pass.

Flipping heck!!!!!!!!!!! http://uk.eurosport.yahoo.com/blogs/londonspy/olympic-officials-miss-world-record-holder-hammer-throw-213703159.html

Is this clever or cynical? http://www.thelocal.se/42518/20120809/

A little girl asks her mum, 'Mum, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?' Her mum replies 'No, because she is on heat.' 'What does that mean?' asked the child. 'Go and ask your father. I think he's in the garage.' The little girl goes out to the garage and says, 'Dad, can I take Lulu for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on the heat, and to come ask you.' He took a rag, soaked it in petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said 'Ok, you can go now, but keep Lulu on the leash and only go one time around the block.' The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.. Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Lulu?' The little girl said, 'She ran out of petrol about halfway round the block, so another dog is pushing her home.'