Malcolm Robinson

With most kids walking around with mobile phones etc shouldn't here be a hot line for this sort of thing which provides an immediate response?

Once upon a time it was resolved to have a boat race between a BUPA team and a team representing the N.H.S. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance. On the big day they were as ready as they could be. The BUPA team won by a mile. Afterwards the N.H.S. team became very discouraged by the result and morale sagged. Senior management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found, and a working party was set up to investigate the problem and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was that the BUPA team had eight people rowing and one person steering, whereas the N.H.S. team had eight people steering and one person rowing. Senior management immediately hired a consultancy company to do a study on the team's structure. Thousands of pounds and several months later they concluded that: "Too many people were steering and not enough rowing." To prevent losing to BUPA the next year, the team structure was changed to three "Assistant Steering Managers", three "Steering Managers", one "Executive Steering Manager" and a "Director of Steering Services". A performance and appraisal system was set up to give the person rowing the boat more incentive to work harder. The next year BUPA won by two miles. Following this, the N.H.S. laid off the rower for poor performance, sold off all the paddles, cancelled all capital investment in new equipment, and halted development of a new canoe. The money saved was used to fund higher than average pay awards to senior management.

Dr Foster went to Gloucester in a shower of rain He stepped in a puddle right up to his middle and never went there again. This also resulted in major public debate. The Press said it was outrageous that - given the fact that doctors were paid around half a million pounds for a 30 hour week - Dr. Foster should be put off by a mere soaking. The politicians wanted to know why any doctors were going to Gloucester in the first place as it was an over-doctored middle class area unlikely to vote Labour at the next election. The RCN said doctors weren't needed as nurses could do their job just as well, they were holistically trained and would have no problem with puddles as they could also walk on water. The local nurse practitioners agreed that they would of course go to Gloucester after doing the appropriate course. The Social workers said that no one had considered how the puddle might feel about being trodden into. The managers decided to do a piece of work around rain and puddles. The next time there was a problem in Gloucester it coincided with a large multidisciplinary stake holder conference and no one was available so NHS Direct advised calling the GP.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down and broke his crown and Jill came tumbling after. Both subsequently died in the ambulance and the PCT set up an enquiry, which came to the following conclusions: 1. The 50 mile journey to the nearest casualty department was in the couples' best interests. 2. The fact that there was no local bed in which Jack could mend his head was unfortunate but no targets had been breached and he had been offered a choice. 3. The lack of vinegar and brown paper was not material to the man's death as NICE had not yet decided whether it was cost-effective and in any case both the brown paper nurse and the vinegar nurse were away on courses. 4. The GP was most to blame and should be suspended and referred to the GMC as he had: a. Not reported Jack and Jill's lack of water to social services; b. Failed to recognise that anyone going UP the hill to fetch a pail of water must be seriously demented; c. Had not involved the Falls Coordinator which resulted in Jill tumbling after Jack.

Or maybe HP this is what you get when you are rich enough to pervert the course of justice though buying off any accusers? Don't see where Sym mentions the actual court case and that has to be put into context of how many times was this brought against him but didn't reach a jury. Once you buy off accusations like this you have to be forever tarnished that's the payback. If the guy was sane I know where there was a kree full up at St Georges.

Sym......AKA....outraged of Bedlington........ Nice one.

Yesterday just managed to park behind post office, those car parks were full, today the old Presto's car park is crammed. I wonder what they will be like when charges are introduced? Course Tesco's bought the large car park at the back of their place, or what will be the front enterance once work starts and finishes, and a 2 hour free usage is talked about. One thing for sure clampers are going to be much in evidence soon!!!! The reason given by esteemed councillors for the change, well parking is charged in other parts of the county........ I never thought I would live to say it but come back WDC!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry ex-B missed your posting in time. As for a message just something about getting fingers out of orifices before there is nothing left! If that "new build" goes ahead will it close half of them, if it doesn't go ahead will the other half be closed away once parking charges are introduced? Anyone shouting about UBR, that looks to be a time bomb! What is the take up on the new grants for modernisations? Quite a bit to go at I would have thought.

Nice boat TNWNW, good dimensions. What sort of engine, looks like a 4 cylinder? I used a 6 out of an old bin wagon. Monsta, depends on what you are fishing for and then you have to get the bait right. Just caught my first carp a couple of weeks ago, I can see why people get addicted to fishing for them. That lake at Earth Balance must have been there 13yrs ago? It had proper pegs when I walked around it and if I remember correctly was about a couple of quid to fish for the half day, only fly fishing? I think you are right to be angry about the whole debacle Mrsvic; it should have been something which was a trail blazer for the area. I remember being at a meeting in Durham and a guy came over who raved about the project, he was organising bus trips for people to see it. Only WDC could turn a potential success into abject failure, course it was on the wrong side of the tracks!

Now now ex-B your going to get me into trouble!!!!!!!!!

Go for it, thats what you are supposed to do..........

On a happier note... Denise continues to be loved by David on the bridge itself... I wonder who they were, and whether their love continues to flourish? Brilliant............. Ahh Mrsvic, still in the romantic stage of married life I suspect!

Good call TonyC. Back in the day used to go to the Mayfair most Fridays to see the "B" list bands and City Hall for the "A" listers. After calling into the Pineapple, Man in the Moon and the George for refreshments I can't list too many bands, hic. Who says alcohol effects brain cells? I do know its a long walk back when you miss the mail train!

what do you mean a sad day? its a very happy day unless your an illegal benifit leech! You need a codicil to that monsta, "non white benefit leech" as it has been reported Mr Griffin will not be considering any problems emanating from non white members of his constituency. What a sham...... a bet your like them hafwit hippies kickin griffins car, worse than chava's screaming on like there fn possessed how utterly embarrassing. I would object to that too monsta but purely out of procedure. That guy should have kicked the opposition parties for allowing this to happen. a well done to the pirate party free downloads for everyone now thats a policy we need more of! At last something we can agree on!

Well monsta maybe you should have stood as BNP......? Is the low turnout down to voter apathy or not having enough choice?

Yeah but it's not working!

> SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour. > > COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some > milk. > > FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. > > BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks > the other, and then throws the milk away. > > TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a > bull.Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and > retire on the income. > > SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take > harmonica lessons. > > AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the > other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to > analyze why the cow has dropped dead. > > ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell > three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit > opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity > swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows > back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows > are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly > owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows > back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns > eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new > president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance > sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull. > > A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a > riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. > > A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are > one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. > You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market > it worldwide. > > A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they > live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. > > AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they > are. You decide to have lunch. > > A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you > have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You > count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and > open another bottle of vodka. > > A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You > charge the owners for storing them. > > A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking > them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine > productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. > > AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them. > > A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad. > > AN IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell > them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out > of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least you > are now a Democracy.. > > AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty > good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. > > A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks > very attractive (Sorry HP couldn't help it!)

Daj, Doesn't this represent a clear conflict of interests?

http://www.northumberland.gov.uk/Default.aspx?page=4631

Yeah and want to rewrite the rules as to just who is British.

Just a bit of fun................. A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, 'What are all those clocks?' St Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock move.' 'Oh,' said the man, 'whose clock is that?' 'That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.' 'Incredible,' said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?' St Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.' 'Where's Gordon Brown's clock?' asked the man. 'Brown's clock is in God's office. He's using it as a ceiling fan"

Britain's got talent...........

I don't think Mr B was a particularly good Chancellor, as PM he has been abysmal. He might cite circumstances outside his control as being unfavourable but he has had to back track on his personal pet projects too so that doesn't really wash. As far as sacking MP's caught up in the expenses scandal I don't think any party leader would be willing to grasp that nettle, it seems to be endemic within their ranks, and it would decimate all sides within parliament! I do think there should be a mechanism for the electorate to sack them though and I don't mean waiting until election time! You pay the piper you normally get to call the tune! If Brown does go and is replaced by Miliband, Balls, Fields, or whoever else I hope everyone sees it as the cynical manipulation and hood winking of the electorate that it really is. These people really are a breed apart.

65th anniversary of D Day and you are advocating giving votes to a fascist party? Come on monsta you can do better than that! I hope you are just playing devil’s advocate.