Canny lass

I must just take up a couple of Points here: We " are "falling into the trap of equating foreign travel and a steady trickle Exchange of citizenry with mass economic migration into the domain of Another Culture". Mmm .... For many years I retreated occasionally to the house of a friend in central, mainland Spain. The purpose of the visit was, in part, to enjoy the weather but in the main it was to keep my language skills alive. I stopped several years ago, when it no longer was possible to have a conversation in Spanish with the locals. The house, previosly in the centre of a small, spanish village, is now, though not having moved, smack in the middle of a 95% English speaking, urban development. The houses are owned by Brits, mostly retired. None of them speak Spanish. They don't need to. All shops, restaurants and other businesses are owned and run by Brits. Want a new gas boiler fitted, need a haircut, a mechanic, gardener,Carpenter, joiner, glazier, electrician or taxi - the list is endless? Go to the local club (British, of course), look on the notice board and you'll find lots of these and many others advertising their services AT GREATLY REDUCED RATES. I wonder how they manage that? Meanwhile, all spanish shops and serices have gone out of business. I wonder why? And, it's the same thing in the Canary Islands! In most areas you could be forgiven for thinking that you were in central Newcastle or Edinburgh. I've even been able to spend english Money in some shops in Tenerife! I Think that today we can equate the two, that's to say, foreign travel and a steady trickle Exchange of citizenry and mass economic migration into the domain of Another Culture, quite nicely. NB. This is not to say that Spain, as a whole, has been subject to cultural replacement. it's rather a question of a concentration in small pockets giving the effect of something much bigger - A bit like the muslims and the burka. Apologies for all the capital letters. as of today I just can't be bothered to replace them all.

Hi Paul, I had problems with the 38 hours knowing that he starts his journey here in Scandinavia at 3 pm 24 Dec, continues in the UK from 12.01 am 25 Dec and doesn't finish until 6 Jan the following year in Spain (where the reindeers mysteriously change into Camels)! What does Hawkings say about that?

Haha Eggy, thanks for the link! If only I'd known about gizmodo I'd have saved myself half an hour's translation time! This is apparently doing the rounds in Swedish on FB. One grandson, now 21 years old, has never believed my stories of Santa with chimneys and mince pies. The simple logic of a child's mind told him many years ago that it couldn't be possible because: 1) he'd never seen a dirty Santa Clause and chimneys are dirty places 2) nobody could eat mince pies because they are horrible (according to him) I got it in an e-mail with the message "9 million Swedes can't be wrong" Just wait until Santa comes at 3pm today! Now where did I put that chimney brush?

B*ggar Webbtrekker! You're right! Now I'll have to do all those sums again. But, on the other hand - being a seasoned hand at the job, so to speak - He may have purchased the Gaviscon Before he left Scandinavia, where he works between 3 and 4 in the afternoon only, while most fathers are out buying newspapers.

Thanks for the tip! I'll bear that in mind.

Now in all fairness Pilgrim, I did point out that allowances were not being made for toilet visits for either Santa Clause or his reindeers! I did this to get round the fact that the UK has not as yet standardised the mince pie to any specific weight or circumfrence measurement - a bit like Cornwall and it's pasty (which requires only a specified origin) - making any calculation of the amount of NCC policy document (is that a euphemism?) impossible. Having just returned from a few weeks touring (and seeing through a haze of Mojito and Piña Colada) the island of Cuba I have the answer in the palm of my hand. Cuba is having the same problem with all the horse drawn carriages that compete with tourist buses on the motorways. Here the animal is requred to have an old shirt, free choice of colour, threaded by the arms over the shafts of the carriage, while the shirt tail is in some mysterious manner attached to the foot board of the carriage itself. It functions a bit like the nappy you mention in collecting up the NCC policy document as it is churned out but without impeding the movement of the horse. I think it could be implemented at once if all you guys give up one measly little shirt in the name of Christmas.

My bells have never been more decked!

Not a euphemism Pilgrim, but "polishing his gear stick" might be.

Not exactly Eggy. I translated it from Swedish. Got it from one of the 'older' grandchildren (who's now the conker champion with his very own 'sixer'). And what's a gizmodo?

Does Santa Clause exist? No known species of reindeer can fly. However, there are 300 000 living organisms that do and even if most of these are insects and bacteria it doesn't rule out the possibility that flying reindeer - which only Santa Clause has access to - do, in fact, exist. There are approximately 2 billion children (persons under the age of 18) on this earth. However, Santa Clause doesn't seem to visit Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus or Jews, thus reducing the workload to roughly 15% - in round figures 378 million. With an average of 3.5 children per household - and assuming that at least one child in each household has behaved himself the whole year - Santa is required to visit 91.9 million homes. Santa Clause has only 38 hours in which to do this - thanks mainly to the different time zones and the rotation of the Earth. I am of course assuming that he travels from east to west as that would appear to be the most logical. It follows that Santa Clause must make 822.6 visits every second. This would mean that at every Christian household with well behaved children Santa Clause would have 1/1 000 of a second to park, disembark, squeeze down the chimney, fill stockings, place parcels under the tree, eat the mince-pies and drink the sherry that have been left for him, get himself back up the chimney and onto his sleigh ready for the next visit while at the same time trying to remain reasonably sober.. If we assume that all these households are equally distributed over the surface of the earth (which we know they are not, but it makes the arithmetic easier), and that the journey is 1.2 km per household, then Santa's journey would be 120.8 million kilometres. Therefore, Santa's sleigh would have to move at a speed of 1 045 km/second (3 000 times the speed of sound!), if no child were to be disappointed on Christmas morning. I'm making no allowances here for toilet visits or meal times for either Santa or his reindeers. Just to compare, one of the quickest vehicles built by man - the Ulysses space probe - moves at a speed of 43.8 km/second while a reindeer - of the conventional type - moves at a speed of 24 km/hour. The cargo on the sleigh adds another interesting dimension to the equation. If we assume that every child gets no more than a box of Lego, weighing approximately 1.5 kg, then the sleigh must be carrying 321 000 ton - and that's not including Santa Clause who is most often portrayed as being somewhat overweight. On the ground, conventional reindeers can't draw a load of more than 220 kg so even if we agree that Santa's 'flying' reindeer can draw more than 10 times the normal weight it wouldn't be enough with only eight reindeer. We would need a staggering 214 000 reindeer which would increase the weight of the sleigh to 354 430 ton. Again, just for the sake of comparison, that's four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth. Just imagine that on your roof! These 354 430 tons, travelling at 1 045 km/second, would create an enormous air resistance which would heat up the reindeer - in the same manner as a space capsule returning to the earth's atmosphere. The two leading reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of pure energy per second - EACH! In other words, they would be burned up immediately and, not enough with that, the reindeer following would be subjected not only to immense heat but also a deafening explosion. The whole troupe of reindeer would disintegrate in less that 4.26/1 000 of a second and Santa Clause would be subjected to a g-force 17 000 500.06 times the normal. A Santa Clause weighing 182 kg would be pressed against the back wall of the sleigh with a force of 3 149.961 kg. The only conclusion that can be rightly drawn is that should there at any time have been a Santa Clause delivering presents on Christmas Eve then he is no longer living! But, please keep this a secret and try to enjoy yourselves anyhow! Have a really good Christmas and New Year. PS I must learn how to post a Picture next year. It would be so much easier!

Same here - and still proud of it!

I think "taxi-driver" and "he" are written in the singular Webbtrekker. Just joking, industrial injury!

He polishes his gear stick while waiting for the next 20 year old to come along!

Never a more true word spoken Maggie.

Me too! haven't sat in the front seat since 1967 when a taxi driver, religion unknown, put his hand somewhere other than on the gear stick. Correction: to my last post. I meant to say that these few women will NOT be able to outbreed the local population.

No glossing intended. I agree with you Webtrekker. The birthrate among women of the muslim persuasion is marginally higher than the national average. . However, it isn't relevant to the question as we talking about an 'outbreeding' of the whole population. They could have Twins at every one of their 40 confinemets. It wouldn't change the end result. These few women will be able to outbreed the local population. Extinction is not inevitable. We will not be in a dire situation.

3g, are you telling me that it's not only within the health service that there are people of the muslim persuasion WORKING - i.e. those doctors and nurses you mentioned earlier? You mean that some are also WORKING as taxi drivers? What happened to all those stay at home, benefits fiddling, rights demanding people of the same persuasion that we read about so often on the Internet? With all these muslims working, who's left to do the job of "outbreeding the local population" and more importantly, when do they find time to do it? You suggest that I may have to agree to wearing a burka simply because I'm told to sit in the back seat of a taxi. I suggest that you may have a genuine, but never the less irrational, fear that the UK is on its way to becoming a Sharia state - that's to say predominantly populated by people of the muslim faith either through "outbreeding the local population" or by converting the local population by whatever means possible - as you appear to suggest in your question. Let's have a look at these two possibilities and see if I can put your mind at rest. First we'll take a look at the "outbreeding of the local population" and why I think it will never happen. According to the 2011 census there are around 63 million residents in the UK. Of these, some 25.3 million are aged between 15 and 44 - the fertile years. However, they are not all female. Roughly half (49%) are men leaving the 51% , 12 903 000, who are female to man the 'production line' as it were. But, wait a minute - not all of these are of the muslim persuasion! Again, according to the 2011 census, muslims account for only 4.8% of the population thereby reducing the 'workforce on the production line' to 619 344. In order to give these poor women a fair chance of succeeding with the outbreeding job, I want us to imagine that no fertile female of any other religious persuasion ever gives birth to another child. Let's also imagine that there are no multiple births from this muslim 'workforce' (there aren't so many in reality that they would significantly change the outcome of this exercise). To make the maths easier we can keep the numbers constant by allowing one teenager to become fertile for every woman reaching the menopause - a bit like it is in real life. Now, given that a fertile female (perpetually pregnant (give or take the odd hour for giving birth and the odd minute or two for conceiving) can produce max. 4 children every 3 years (multiple births not counted), and is fertile for approximately 30 years, how long would it take for these 619 344 women to outbreed the local population? I've never been brilliant at maths but I get it to somewhere around the 80 years mark! And that is in optimal conditions with no competition from any other women and taking no account of reduced egg production forced upon us (men and women) by the biological ravages of time. Not to mention the part played by headaches and brewer's droop, though the latter is not likely to be a problem for the majority of muslim men - avoiding alcohol as they do! Add to that the fact that the UK's total fertility rate has been decreasing steadily since 2008 and was recorded in 2012 as being 1.92 children/woman - somewhat lower than the replacement rate of 2.075 children/woman. RELAX 3g! It's never going to happen. This is not an optimal world. Women of all denominations will continue to lie on their backs thinking of England (when they are not thinking of what to give hubby for his tea) and popping out youngsters at the rate of 1.92 per woman. Some biological clocks will undoubtedly have stopped ticking by the age of 45 while most others will at the very least be going slow but I'm quite sure of one thing - whatever their religious persuasion most women will have drawn the line long before reaching the 40 births in 30 years required to "outbreed the local population". Then there's the question of converting the population to Islam. Again, using the information given by the local population in the 2011 census, I don't think you have any need to be afraid. The majority (59.3%) are still christian bringing with them all that safety in numbers can offer. Another 25.1% have no religion at all while yet another 7.2% haven't bothered to answer the question at all. So, it would appear that a third of the population aren't sufficiently interested in religion to belong to any denomination whatsoever, making conversion to Islam highly unlikely. Ther'e a very good book by Prof.Grace Davies Religion in Britain Since 1945: Believing without Belonging (1994), in which she describes the steady decline of religious affiliation in post-war Britain. Judging by the census figures there doesn't appear to have been any great stampede to fill the void by converting voluntarily to Islam. there simply isn't any interest in it! Neither do I believe that the UK will succumb to conversion under threat of being relegated to the back seat of a taxi. The extremists advocating total Islam are but a minute proportion of a minority group within Islam - the Shia Group comprising roughly 10% of all muslims. They do not represent nor - sit down if your standing for this may surprise you - do they have any support from the majority of Islam's followers. So, what's my answer to the taxi question? Well, I'm batting in the dark here as I'm still not sure I'd be able to recognise as muslim any unknown man soley by his appearance. Of the first Three alternative answers: get in the back, go nowhere, would never happen, there really isn't any that fits the bill. I have no objections to sitting in the back seat, in fact I usually do. If I'd hailed a cab it would be because I needed to get somewhere and I don't really understand Webtrekker's fourth alternative and I certainly wouldn't want a heart attack. However, I do believe it could happen. I've nursed patients detained under section 25 of the 1953 MHA with less delusional ideas! Given no other choices I would probably have to opt for smartly pulling out the Kalashnikov, which self-respecting girls like myself always carry in their handbags, point it at his head and say "Take me to the nearest police station. I wish to report an act of sexual discrimination" and I'd probably add "Buster", like they do in the movies, just to frighten him a bit.

"and hints (or broadly shouts) at the other person's predjudices perhaps!" Is that Another Word for ignorance Symptoms?

Lucky you with a Bedlington visit coming up soon! Enjoy it and enjoy today as well. Happy Birthday Pete.

An interesting question 3g and i will do my best to answer it later in the day (school hols mean that I have a house full of grandchildren today) and the answer is likely to be long. However, in order to answer the question I need some additional information:. In the situation you describe I, in order to appreciate the full impact of what I was being subjected to, would need to know that the driver was of the muslim persuasion. How would I know this? What distinguishing features of this taxi driver could lead me to believe that he was of the muslim persuasion? I mean, it could, equally hypothetically, have been his brother getting a lift to work who just left the front seat and company policy dictating that customers - men or women - should ride in the back seat. Webtrekker, I don't understand the fourth alternative you give but I'll offer a fifth: e) Pray that you have your next heart attack right then and there because the chances that the taxi-driver is a highly qualified doctor, not born in the UK, are extremely high.

Well said, Pilgrim!

I don't recall saying that you did, Webtrekker and just for the record I have a problem with us fighting anywhere.

3g, recognising a heart attack in a 'burka' is no more difficult than recognising a heart attack in motorcycle gear. In some ways it's easier as you can feel a pulse through a burka much easier than through a crash helmet or leathers, ie normal western dress - for bikers . There seem to be more of these than burkas in the UK. In bilingualism there are no buyers and Sellers. Language interference works both ways - which is how I can see that you use English more than italian in your Daily Life. When in Rome as the saying goes!

I know what you mean Symptoms. There are labels everywhere these Days, yet in my twenty years in nursing I never Heard any colleague refer to themselves as a muslim nurse/doctor. Don't know if it's the case today but I'll ask around.

I wasn't implying anything 3g but I understand how you are thinking.. After Three years of pedalling my bike around the streets of London, visiting hospitals to interview coronary patients about their very own 'near death' experiences (in order to collect research material for a well known University), I have a genuine interest in any answer Webbtrekker may give. I had thought of following it up with Another question: If a woman in a burka had a heart attack next to you, would you call an ambulance? You ask me "why is a muslim doctor or nurse here , in the first Place". Most of them are here because they are British having been born here, as were their parents. They have been educated here (not trained, dogs are trained, humans are educated) and there must be something seriously wrong with a native English speaker who doesn't understand their language - it's the same as everybody else's. At times it can be spoken with an accent but to a native English speaker it shouldn't present any problems. How's your Italian by the way?