keith lockey

What have the censors done to my T D H joke. You cannot be serious! (AARGH!)

Tom, Dick and Harry are captured by Rommel's troops in Africa. They are taken to a POW camp but the commandant says there isn't any room for anymore captives. "I vill set you free into zee desert and the merciless sun and sand will decide your fate. But I vill allow you to take one item each to pove how humane I am." So he asks Tom what Item he wants. "I'll take a brolly," says Tom. "So I can walk in the shade." So the commandant gives him an umbrella. "Vatt do you vant?" He says to dick. "I'll have a Mexican sombrero to keep the sun off my head." Says Dick. So the commandant give him a Mexican sombrero. Then he turns to Harry. "Vatt item do you vant?" Harry thinks for a moment then says - "I'll have a car door." The commandant nearly chokes on his iron cross. "A car door! Vatt do you vant a car door for?" "So i can wind the window down when it gets too hot."

I remember George Peel - he used to cycle everywhere and if I am not mistaken he was a 'bookies runner'. But the guy who taught me to play guitar was a Jack Dickson who lived at Grange Park. He's favoured instrument was the banjo and he couldn't half rattle it.

Can anyone remember the name of the shop that stood beside the P.A.W.S clinic at Millbank Road. It is now a house. Someone has said it didn't have a name but I'm sure it did.

Is anyone else having trouble with Google images? I used to get about 16-18 photos on the page - now I am only getting ten. I haven't changed any settings or anything so what's going on?

Without going off topic - the song Things can only get better was by a group called D.ream and the keyboard player was Prof. Brian Cox. See photo.

It certainly looks like it, Canny Lass, you're a star. There are the Seven Sisters trees in the background. But funny enough the bandstand roof looks different to what I remember it! But it might have been changed later on. Anyway, many thanks CL.

Great photos, I'm pleased someone has kept a photographic record of our town. But have you got one of the old bandstand that used to be at the bottom of the Furnace bank - near the river opposite the flat rock? (I don't mean the Attlee park bandstand) Me an my mates used to play there when we were young but now it is just open grass. I've added a recent photo showing where it once stood.

Good old Eric Blair (George Orwell) I bet he is saying "I told you so." now.

Yeah, I noticed the spelling mistake after I had posted it. DOH! I never saw the games / matches whatever but my bro says it was blatantly obvious. But I would still rather watch paint dry or play muggies.

I admit I haven't seen the badmington farce but how on earth can you tell if someone is cheating at it? It's arguably one of the most boring games I've ever watched or tried to play. Watching paint dry is more exciting. In fact they should replace it with Olympic tiddly-wnks or pottsies.

Sounds like you've been there, seen it, got the T-shirt and scars to prove it. Luckily enough they haven't bothered me this time round though I think they review the situation after two years. To be honest I couldn't bear watching the TV anymore. It just has no appeal to me. I've got my DVDs, my books (Tons of them) and my old CDs and my computer. I reckon the only thing I miss about the TV is the Sky at Night and the News - but even then I can buy a newspaper or go online for the latter. What i find amazing, Andy, is that people can't believe someone can go without a TV. There is this look of horror on their faces if I mention I haven't got one. I personally think it is frightening that's people's lives can be ruled by a little box in the corner of the room - or as some have a big box mounted on the wall. I think I'm born out of my time, that's the problem!

It's that word again....Yet! But it's a good point that Brettly made - that parents aren't bothered what their kids are getting up to as long as they are not pestering them. (the parents) I used to see kids of about 13-14 rolling along drunk and it made me wonder how their parents could miss that when they staggered in. Unless the parents were out themselves, but then!!! It's like the global warming argument on another site - it is an ongoing development. In this case its behaviour. Kids have always misbehaved, raiding peoples gardens for apples, etc, in my day. But as I've said elsewhere. Also in my days there were skinheads, suadeheads, bovver boys et al. It's an ongoing problem, only now we have a meaner streak of misbehaviour in kids. It's like flavour of the week. We have just got over the Chav plague - but what is next? I'm a strong believer in prevention is better than cure; only i don't honestly know how you can prevent some people's attitude problems.

Hi Legendary Deaf Steve, how are you? Thanks for the link. I have a few books and sites as well on the subject but nothing on this mysterious gray lady at H H. My brother used to work there for a while and he says the story was well known by the staff. Something about a woman throwing herself off the dome!!! As Toyah Wilcox said "It's a mystery, It's a mystery."

So that's where my copy of Rousseau's Social Contract went to!

That's the point, Mercuryg. It was my brother who told me about the gray lady of Hartford Hall. I had never heard of it - but I had read about the white lady of Delaval Hall. To be honest I cannot find a thing about the gray lady so maybe my brother has gotten mixed up. That's why I flagged it up on this site - to see if anyone knew anything.

A mammy polar bear and a baby polar bear are sitting on an ice berg. The baby polar bear turns to his mother and asks. "Mammy. Am I a polar bear?" The mammy frowns and says "why yes, you've white fur and a black nose." Five minutes go by and the baby turns to his mother again. "Mammy, are you SURE I'm a polar bear?" The mother sighs and says "YES you're a polar bear - you've got white fur a black nose and you're sitting on an iceberg in the Arctic Circle." Five minutes more go by and the baby turns again to his mother. "Mammy are you ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN I'm a polar bear?" By this time the mother is losing it. "Look, you're a polar bear. You have white fur a black nose, you're sitting on an iceberg in the Arctic Circle and you had seal meat for your breakfast. Now why do you keep asking me if you're a polar bear?" The baby folds his arms and stamps his feet and says - "Because i am bl**dy freezing."

Hi Andy, I know what you mean. I haven't had any bother at all from them - not this time round. (I'll get back to that) About two years ago I was sitting watching yet another load of celebrity codswallop as I switched from channel to channel and I said that's enough! My TV licence was due but instead of paying it I phoned the Licence people up and told them I would like just to use my TV for watching DVDs. (I checked online first about this and it is okay to do so.) The girl I spoke to was great and said she would send me a letter out to confirm I had contaced them, she also said they could detect if I was watching TV and I would be reprimanded for doing so, naturally. I did as you did - unplugged the telly and just used it to watch DVDs. That was in November 2010. But in 1999 I also got rid of it and the Licence van was at my door twice. There was some heated arguments over the phone until everything got sorted. But this time round I have had no bother.) To be honest I think the technology is better now and they CAN detect if you are plugging in. PS - as a matter of interest the wording on the letter they sent me states - "...as they're being shown on TV..." Which means I cannot watch live broadcasts. (I can watch programmes on IPlayer - but only the day after they are broadcast. To be honest I don't bother because my CPU unit goes ballistic. Hope this has helped.

Oklahoma is a nice state but I wouldn't make a song and dance about it.

That's why I got rid of my TV two years ago. All you get is celebrities and wannabee celebrities. I HONESTLY haven't heard of either of those two.

CHANGE OF SUBJECT Is it me or does this not come under the category of playing God. http://uk.news.yahoo.com/jellyfish-medusoid-created-170605948.html

Yep, for those of you watching in black and white the cue ball is behind the green.

In my case - and this is just one of many in Bedlington - the cyclist sped passed me before I even knew he was there. If I had stepped to the right or left, just a matter of inches, he would have ploughed straight into me. Now can you imagine that happening to a pensioner!! My bone of contention is that cyclists don't let the pedestrian in front know they are approaching. A bell - a simple device like that - would let the walker know there was a cyclist behind them. IT IS THAT SIMPLE! But common sense does not come into it. I have even seen cyclists speeding along on the road when there is a wide cycle path next to them! It makes you wonder!!!

Is it me or does anyone else have near misses with cyclists on pavements? Twice this week I have nearly been clipped by a biker speeding passed me from behind. I mean why do bike manufacturers not automatically install bells - like we used to have when i was a young whippersnapper. Cars have horns so why don't they fit bikes with bells or something.

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