Hamburger Pimp

Leave it the same!

Are we in the future now? Very bauhaus, the new, clean lines and the restrained greys and blacks. I likes it.

I'll tell you what's a strange channel; Partyland on Freeview. Running from 1am til 5.30am, it consists of a scantily-clad young lady indulging in what I believe the young people refer to as "phone sex" with some hairy-palmed herbert willing to pay £1.50 a minute to mutter filth down the line at an oiled-up popsy. The viewer, of course, hears none of this, seeing instead only a woman rolling around on the floor talking into a phone. The oddest thing I've ever chanced across while searching for a late-night BBC4 documentary on Italian sculptors. Not sure this is the type of thing old John Yogi Baird had in mind when he legged it down the patent office back in the day.

Not a pub, but J R Johnson's footwear emporium would appear to be shutting, advertising as they are, a closing down sale. Has anyone ever even considered buying a pair of shoes from there? It makes one wonder how these places have stayed open so long.

To quote Toyah Wilcox, it's a mythtery. Your rogue sixth point appears to come from the Aston Villa vs Liverpool game from March 22nd. However, my own record-breaking total of 14 (best among Newcastle fans, thanks for asking) only amounts to 11 when the scores are checked. Perhaps it's something we aren't meant to comprehend. Hamburger Pimp 14pts TonyC 7 Supermac 6 DavePa 6 Geddy2112 6 Deleted Account 1 Denzel 0 Pdean 0 Pete and Denzel appear to have given up. For shame, sirs! Did Captain Scott just give up at the Battle of Trafalgar and let Rommel have his way? Of course not. Once more into the breach, mon braves, once more i. the b.

Good morning, grapple fans. It seems that prediction fatigue is setting in. People are lolling listlessly in their laze-e-boyz, not bothering to bung in their projected scores. Only two competitors gave themselves the maximum opportunity for points by predicting every game last month. And what a month it was. TonyC was killing it there, skating away with the title by a massive 14 points. Good shooting, feller! March final standings TonyC 43 pts Deleted Account 29 Supermac 24 DavePa 13 Hamburger Pimp 13 Geddy2112 13 Pdean 9 Denzel 3 April's fixtures start today, everyone is back to zero. Get down and get with it!

Especially for Symptoms, who loves nothing better than curling up on his sofa, plate of biscuits akimbo, watching all his programmes that he's marked off in his TV Chat magazine. Some good stuff on the box at the moment. BBC2 has Stewart Lee telling it like it is on a Monday night and voguish American crime drama each night in "The Wire". Throw in Charlie Brooker deconstructing the news in "Newswipe", the excellent Jon Stewart on More 4's "The Daily Show" and Harry Hill's bizarre run through of the week's telly on "TV Burp" and you've got some formidable shiznit going down in the 'hood. Enough about me, though, what's pressing your buttons at the moment, gogglebox-wise?

Sad news for the O'Neill stable

He's clever, riding two horses in the same race. Those are the names of the trainers, Cympil.

It seems to be legit. Very surprising news, if it's true.

"The Darned United" Based on true events, this is the explosive story of Mr Darn's controversial 44 day reign at the helm of the Bedlington website. Michael Sheen ("Frost/Nixon", "The Queen") plays Mr Darn, a hard-drinking, hard-loving messageboard moderator who dared to care too much. The film opens with his initial salvo to the assembled posters. "I know some of you lot have hundreds and thousands of posts under your belt, but as far as I'm concerned you can junk them all in the green bin and send them to Stakeford for recycling, because you got them by cheating, by swearing and by posting off-topic and on the wrong forum." Sheen's depiction of Darn's descent into alcohol-fuelled paranoia and eventual resignation has won rave reviews and prompted talk of a Bafta nomination and an interview on "Look North". What the critics said: "A corking copper-bottomed hit! Four stars" - Paul Ross "A masterpiece of grim kitchen sink drama" - Mark Kermode "Some incomprehensible nonsense about 'the blacks'" - Monsta "Shouldn't this be in the Sport forum?" - Mr Darn "The Darned United", in cinemas now, if Bedlington had a cinema, which we haven't 'cos the council give all our money to Ashington...

LOLZ!

The Dun Cow now has the big metal shutters over the windows. In fairness, that story about being closed due to lack of heating was starting to ring false.

Q. What's the warmest place to live in Newcastle? A. Central Heaton!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!CoRGIREGISTERED!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!

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All the best to you and yours, Dave.

Station Golf LCL

Don't forget to have at least one ping-pong table. Ping-pong is great.

No offence to any of you, but I wouldn't hold out too much hope of getting the call from "Have I Got News For You?"

Come on people, a bit of appreciation for the pure comedy gold that Merlin is spinning here with his repeated references to an elephant's craic/crack. This is an hilarious bit of wordplay and yet none of you show the least bit of approval for such 24 carat schtick. It would kill you to post a smilie or two to go with the six, count 'em, six that he's posted himself?

Try the golf club, The Railway or The North.

Sorry to hear of your loss, Brian.

I don't care what the naysayers think, I, for one, enjoy Darny's fractured take on the latest bleeding-edge developments in the hard news agenda. While I'm here, what does everyone think about old Richie Cobden and his campaign to repeal the Corn Laws? It will end badly, I fear.

I think the problem is less to do with taxation than with the extortionate rents the breweries charge the landlords. Back to the Terrier, I heard it was a pound a pint all day yesterday. Unfortunately, I only learned this after I'd spent the best part of the day filling myself with full-price ale at an alternative venue. I'll be honest, I'm only just getting over it.

Man fails to get head from lesbians.