Denzel

I only know one bit of it too.

Well me and me fatha have just rejoined the clerb Pete, so I'll endeavour to be there next time you're home, with a foaming glass of ale awaiting you.

You should take it over Pete, turn it into a theme bar.

It's a shame the place is a total !*!@#.

Try that again in English.

That place has always been a glorified borstal.

She likes being 'tashed'.

Because they're !*!@# dogs?

There's some fine use of the English language in here and no mistake.

Another fine result for the Self-pity City at Wist 'Am the other neet mind? Black armbands and candlelit vigils all round.

I claim my 25 points.

Only a bliddy bint would think it was a good idea to bring Keegan back; I bet you were stood outside SJP with the other dimwits, psyched up on Smirnoff Ice and gurning at the camera.

Last time I saw potting that good was in Monty Don's shed.

I didn't know you were partial to a bit of Greek mind Brian?

Ahhh, TV Cream, a quality website and no mistake.

Now just had ya pony, keep these big, fancy words away from here.

A belated birthday greeting to Bedlington's foremost subliminal advertisers. Anyone know where I can get decent childcare round here?

You've certainly had a cockatoo in your time.

I'm afraid my Adonis-like physique is starting to suffer from the effects of excess beer, tabs and pies.

Yes, I think holidays to far-flung destinations should be the sole reserve of the idle rich.

A person who sells lucky spigs of heather and bags of pegs, whilst her husband offers to tarmac your driveway.

Basically, a posh term for 'childish'. And I consider myself to be Victor Mature.

Special Brew.

As if I'd be that puerile!

Anyone would think Clarkson was some sort of self-publicist. I bet he regrets it now.