Symptoms

Pencil my ar*e!!! Only the finest goose quill will do for 'Wise Owl' Sym. We rely on false promises from the lot of them but what's important is the illusion of 'clear water' between to two of them so that when we're led by the nose to the ballot box there appears to be a meaningful choice. Anyway, back to what really matters ... an article in the beloved Guardian this morning. The Thoughts of Chairman Mao are being republished (The Little Red Book). When I was in the 6th Form some of us wrote to the Chinese Embassy in London requesting free copies of the original imprint ... these duly arrived; I'm glad to say that I still have mine ... it lives on my bookshelf alongside, among other seminal works, 'On The Great Patriotic War of the Soviet Union' by J. Stalin, 'Mein Kamph' by A. Hitler.

Wonk - are you going soft in your old age? Keep the ankle-biters away from lekky.

According to his profile he last posted at the beginning of July. When you look at the member's list it's a suprise just how many there are yet only a few seem to post regularly ... I suppose it's the nature of the web - transient.

How about doing it remotely via the fleecebook, twatter or even the steamweb? That way you could get a worthy exile to do the deed via a local stooge who's finger could be on the button; this could be headline grabbing stuff in the Chronicle or Look North (is this still transmitted?). Perhaps a link-in with our alien friends ... Bedders Xmas lights switched on from space.

Operation Yewtree might be interested in this snap as part of their 'historic' enquiries.

At least Ed is pledging to help small businesses if he wins in eighteen months time. Perhaps some 'clear water' is beginning to emerge between Labour and the vile Tories. Over to you GGG ....

Eggs wrote: "An email has been made and the pics on their way to NUFC faithful - swings and round-a-bouts, enjoy it whilst it lasts." ???

Maybe some nob has bought seeds off the internet to grow hydroponically but has been stiffed by the seller. I'm not sure a 'buzz' will result if the fern leaves are smoked.

I haven't seen Pete posting for quite a while; any info?

Perhaps this thread should be merged with the 'original' Miners Killed In Bedlington Pits thread ... keeps all the points of discussion in one place.

Our intrepid photographer having fought across the vast swathes of wasteland along the rank banks of that polluted brook, the so-called 'River' Weir, finally reached their target ... that vile nest of inbreds. Embedded with the forces of good our man braved the threat of infection and disease to bring us photos of the final victory over the hordes of darkness. The enemy HQ before and after: A series of photos showing the former leaders office: The former leader making his escape:

Orl - I reckon all the cream-sucking fat cats who occasionally deposit their waste in the forum's litter tray are sleeping off a night or two of excess; I'm sure they'll be along shortly to regurgitate their vile fur balls after first licking their own ar*es. The pigeons are safe for a while yet.

Nay, laddie. We get enough Jocko stuff elsewhere in the media without it infesting this place. There's always plenty to say about those blood-sucking inhabitants of Buck house that's why we should have a dedicated space here for it. Just today there's a report of a couple of woofs being topped on the orders of Billy Windsor's bodyguard bosses; I suspect they got an early morning phone call from Betty herself. In that grating squark she probably told the boss RAF guy, "Keel them."

I saw him live years and years ago in London and one memorable tale he told during the set was of getting a prostrate exam. Needless to say he acted-out the whole proceedure, complete with a take on the quack putting on a rubber glove ... this was complete with his uttered sound effects of rubber 'snapping' over extended middle finger, the dropping of the drawers, and his screams of the long cold digit being "rammed" (quote) up his "arse" and being wiggled around. What a hoot it was ... side-busting humour. How prophetic. Every year I go for a general health check-up (going this Thursday) - blood pressure check, urine test, various gibblets felt, weight logged, etc. It also comes complete with a prostrate blood test (PSA) ... they suck a bit blood out for the cholesterol test and mark the tube additionally for the prostrate test. It's an easy way to get the 'old donut' checked without the rubber glove treatment. Rest easy viewers ... Symptoms is fit and healthy and operating at his perfect 'fighting weight' (not an ounce of excess fat) - this annual 'MOT' is for insurers.

The beloved Guardian's masthead is blue ... especially designed that way so it can be lit to set GGG off. Of course the real villains who "trouser all the benefits that capitalism generates" are the crooked bosses in their chalk-striped suits who stiff their poor employees (zero hours contracts and/or paying less than the minimum wage and/or no employment protection) whilst at the same time robbing their captive customers (think big energy, big bank, big oil, big food, big telecoms, big footy, etc). Oh, and let's not forget that some local small businessmen in their cheepo polyester pin-striped suits from Man-at-C&A, are at it as well. "The left-wing opinion formers who really run our mad society" don't really, and they certainly aren't gorging themselves on the benefits that seep through the bosses pocket holes. Russell Brand is good value and not afraid to offend ... shame there aren't more like him. However, Frankie Boyle is still the boss.

KeithL wrote: "What about His Highness With Special Benefits of Travelling abroad and Annoying Foreigners, ..." K - I don't think you have the appropriate qualifications for this roll as you are too decent a bloke. The current incumbent, Betty Windsor's second blood-sucking spawn, is already giving it a good go ... call girls smuggled in at night, rude to all those around him, horrible to the servants, trousering wads of cash when on so-called trade missions, swearing at the Peelers whose job it is to keep Betty safe.

The Betty Windsor Gang

My favourite action was to let a rasper rip then cry out to the teacher that somebody else (named) had done it. What a laugh.

The school trips to Ford Castle in the 60s always included sessions on the battle. The boss gadgy at Ford always told us kids that James's ghost used to roam the corridors at night ... I'm sure it was just a typical teacher under-hand trick to keep us in our dormitories at night as I never saw the ghost.

The Beast of Bedders, perhaps? There's an earlier thread recently about a giant cat.

Get rid of Betty and her blood-sucking clan and I, Symptoms the Terrible Benevolent, could become Head of State; I could only accept the post if it came with full executive powers. The county would be in a better place then.

Oh dear, here we go!

Another great venue for mass punch-ups in the mid to late 60s was the Market Place Club. Every week they had live groups on in the upstairs hall ... it was a tanner transfer paid to the old guy who sat at the bottom of the stairs (girls were let in free of charge). Anyway, the rock bands would play, the girls would get onto the wooden dancefloor at the front and do their stuff around their handbags (yes, they DID dance around their bags!) and all the blokes would be getting their pints in at the bar at the rear of the hall. During breaks everybody would sit at the rows of tables between the bar standing area and the dance floor. I remember the place was ALWAYS packed. Then somebody would get pushed or be accused of 'tapping-up' somebody's girl then it would all kick-off ... these were proper punch-ups. The Peelers would be called and they would come storming in thumping anybody with reach ... those captured were dragged outside and given a good tuning by the boys in blue. Happy days.

Yep John ... my Granny always called them "Steepy Peas" - farters is what us lads called them. I don't think I would have dared to call them farter peas in front of my Granny.

Another attraction for us lads (once the 'juices' had started to flow through our bodies) was the Fan Dance Show. Sucked in by the amazing paintings outside the attraction and by the fine words of the barker we paid our tanner to get in. I'm sorry to report that the lady doing the fan dance didn't look anything like the ones on the external mural ... oh, and she was so fast with the fans that nothing was revealed. Our 'juices' went unsatisfied!!! The Shows usually ended with a mass brawl ... one year it was so bad that a candyfloss caravan got knocked on its side (with the gadgy still inside) when all the Peelers charged. Brilliant fun to watch.