Symptoms

Yesterday the Monty Python team announced extra dates for their stage show One Down Five To Go at the Dome (now called 'The O2' - yuk!). It was also announced that they've replaced the dead Graham Chapman with his brother Wilf Chapman. Background information about Wilf is sketchy but John Cleese has suggested there might have been something murky going on ... something to do with British Intelligence. The press conference yesterday:

Our Middle-East correspondent has just filed a very disturbing report which contains an early image of the famous Bible story of the Son of God entering Jerusalem on a donkey. Scolars have scrutinised the image and have concluded that the figure on the donkey is not, as has been previously believed, a local man named Jesus, but someone called Wilf. Over two thousand years of history will now have to be rewritten. Vatican sources are suggesting that Wilf, Son of God, did his early training with the British Intelligence Brothers. The donkey was stoned to death that same day and was rendered into lamb burgers for a Passover feast; subsequently, the halal butcher was found guilty of meat fraud and crucified.

Wilf is a very naughty boy. This photo, lifted from Egg's security camera, clearly shows Wilf messing with Egg's computer thus rendering the Vista/Photoshop combo crippled. Wilf learnt his hacking skills when he attended British intelligence's 'black ops' training camp.

The Metropolitan Police have just concluded a press conference where they gave an update on their inquiries into the South London slave investigation. The couple who were arrested have given police a description of the person who supplied them with three women who've now been freed. CCTV footage from the London docks has been seized by police and they have issued a still photo, taken from the film footage, showing the notorious Captain Wilf Whitebeard, whom they would like to question in connection with their inquiries. Whitebeard formally worked for the British Intelligence Service and is believed to be somewhere in the north of England.

We lived in the Riggs in the 60s when they were digging adjacent to 20 acres (the hole is where the golf course is now) so the distance was only a few hundred yards. Just like HPW I can remember the clanking, the hoots, the bangs, the ground shakes and the glass rattling. But what an adventure playground it was for us lads ... I've post elsewhere on the Forum about the mischief we got up to on the site.

Recently released British Government documents detail the involvement of their agent Wilf 'Jack' Ruby in the assassination of JFK. Included in these previously secret files is a photograph of British Agent Wilf 'Jack' Ruby lying in wait on the Grassy Knoll before he took aim.

When the sinner Eggy 1948 scribed "God sent the Santa Wilf to the northern town of Bedlington to find an inn" he invite my mighty wrath to be visited upon him. Falsely he does spake for my agent Wilf 'Jack' Ruby was sent to that small northern village not to find a dwelling place for another but to lie-low after his toilings for me in a dark place called Dallas. That Devil's follower JFK was struck-down by my agent Wilf 'Jack' Ruby earlier in time before his good works in 'crucifying by leadshot' the weak link that was Brother Oswald.

Ruby get his man. The notorious underworld figure Wilf 'Jack' Ruby shoots Lee harvey Oswald shortly after Oswald assassinated JFK. The FBI believe that Wilf Ruby was mixed-up in the assassination plot and 'took-out' Oswald to prevent him talking about the involvement of the British Intelligence services.

Some of us were in the Palace Cinema (Bedlington Station) watching It's a Mad, Mad, Mad World. The projectionist superimposed a slide over the film which simply said, " President Kennedy has been shot dead in Dallas, Texas." I still have an absolutely vivid memory of that moment. How apt it was to be watching a film with that title.

Operation Yewtree will be keeping an eye open.

My maternal Grandad, his horse Ned, and the rest of the troop were resting-up at the side of a road in Flanders when a column of Australian infantry marched past. My Grandad spotted two of his brothers in their ranks and was able to catch-up to them - they arranged to meet-up at the Aussie's camp that evening. The two brothers had emigrated to Oz in 1910 ... they both survived the war. They were young miners in Durham but went to Oz to work in the fledging coalfields there for much better money. War certainly throws-up some strange stories. The family tale is that when they arrived in Oz they only had tuppence left in their pockets (for our younger viewers tuppence or 2d is equivalent to 1p in today's money). I reckon folks must have been made of tougher stuff back then. I'm still in contact with a son of one of those Oz soldiers who is in his 80s and the rest of the large extended OzSymptoms family.

Another quick question Viv, was I correct when I suggested it was part of Patterson's 1960s site?

I post here earlier in the year about the film War Horse being of huge interest to me but also a Beeb telly programme on the same subject. The film, like most cinema war films, tends to concentrate on how the Officer Class won it for us (both big bun-fights with Fritz) and it's less-common for British war films to show the efforts of the ordinary Tommy. The Yankee war flicks always tell the story from the GI's perspective. I, along with most blokes of a certain age, lapped-up a diet of these black & white war flicks when we were young and I still look out for them now if they're on the telly. The Beeb documentary on the war horses was very upsetting as it didn't duck the issue of all the dobbins being topped at the end. The film and the documentary together gave me a real clue about what it must have been like. The Symptom's family war contribution continued in WW2. My Mum's eldest brother (step-brother - the little boy born during WW1 mentioned above) went to university in the 30s to study languages, including Russian. He was 'head-hunted' into the Royal Navy when he graduated and rose to the rank of Commander during the War; because he was fluent in Ruskie he served for years on the Russian convoys into Murmansk also acting as convoy liason in port (spying). He revealed to my Mum late in life that he was part of military intelligence and during the Cold War was mixed-up spying on Ivan - he worked with Commander Lionel Crabb in Portsmouth (Google him for the story). My Mum's older brother (full-brother) also went to uni in the late 30s to read maths but was called-up in 39/40 and therefore had to leave his studies - he was drafted into the RAF. Because he was a mathematician he was sent for navigation training and served as a navigator for the whole war flying in heavy bombers over Europe ... he was never shot-down. When he was demobbed at the end of the bun-fight he went back to uni to finish his degree. My paternal family war contribution is a more tragic tale with loads of guys being killed ... they all served in Northumberland Fusiliers. Because so few of these relatives returned the family stories are scanter. My paternal Grandad was a machine-gunner in WW1 who was mentioned in despatches for saving two pals by carrying them BOTH at the same time to safety whilst under fire. He died in 1964 and I remember him being a big bloke (like my Dad and like me) ... he used to talk a bit about the war. Thankfully, my Dad was just too young to fight in WW2 but was called-up in 46 ... he served in the Rhine Army of Occupation ... and was demobbed in 48.

Oh, and my Grandad's horse was called Ned and it lasted through the whole war with him but was left behind at the end. Ned probably suffered the same fate as tens of thousands of nags - a bullet through the head being cheaper than repatriation back to Blighty.

The also served in WW1. See the post about my Granny in Men at War.

My maternal Granny's first husband was killed in WW1 leaving her pregnant; she gave birth, left the little baby boy with her parents and went to Portsmouth for nursing training. When she qualified she was shipped to France and worked at the Front. She also lost a brother in that war. After the war she married my Grandad. He was in the Northumberland Hussars (a Yeoman Cavalary regiment) and was one of the first to ship-out in 1914 and saw service for the whole war; he was awarded the Military Medal for bravery. Howard Pease book on the History of The Northumberland Hussars (I have the family copy) has a section describing my Grandad's exploits; I also have his spurs and jack-knife (the sort with a marlin spike for cleaning horse feet). His medals were left in his will to Durham Cathedral. My Grandma in her nurse's uniform: My Grandad in uniform (taken at the Front) ... note his spurs: Grandad's troop in Flanders ... he's in the center standing behing the board: When the second bun-fight with Fritz started in 39 he attempted to sign-up but was a miner (protected occupation) and too old and had to join the Home Guard; my Granny was the District Nurse and Midwife. She was also before and during WW2 the Durham organiser for the Royal British Legion.

That Google location (I think) puts it in the old Patterson's farm site. I've posted before (probably in History Hollow) about the Patterson's haulage business and farm there; I was a friend of the son in the 60s and played in the yard and fields there.

Do these keyboards have 'dampened' keys so they feel like real piano keys ... a little resistance, or do they feel 'lightweight' with no resistance?

Clearly, neither yard is really viable since the dramatic shrinking of the deep-water Royal Navy fleet and their need to build/replace tackle; there's probably enough work for one yard, maybe for the next decade, once they start building those new Type 42 destroyers. Then what happens? The only new stuff needed by HM Gov might be Coast Guard/Fishery Protection cutters ... hardly a threatening deep-water fleet. So how to choose which yard is for the chop? Yep, GGG, redblobman Cameroooon is playing the Jockovote card - crude, blatant politics! They even have the nerve to deny any linkage with the Jockovote question. I've always said that everybody in the UK should have a vote on the Jocko question - I would guess loads of English folks would want to chuck the Jockos out. Very nearly all politicians are corrupt and are broadly the same in the shyster stakes so there's little to choose between them whatever party they belong to. Russell Brand wrote an interesting article about politicians in the Guardian yesterday; GGG, it really is worth reading. Put aside any preconceived ideas you may have about the guy and take 5 minutes to read it here: http://www.theguardi...ystem-newsnight

Decent playing technique (note arched wrist and firm thumb on neck back) but poor singing. Like many of the old guys we see who've been invited onto places like Jules Holland's show his voice is weedy and he misses plenty of notes. The exception to this observation was a recent guest Eric Burdon ... goodness, he could still belt-out the blues; obviously, Tom Jones still 'has it' when he sings the blues.

Sketchy reports are emerging from the mackemgang's Southern Front that they were defeated by a ragbag unit led by Private 'Geordie' Bruce. Photo of an Allied soldier reading a copy of today's The Football Pink - note the headline: Photo taken in Hull of the mackemgang's kitmen cleaning their uniform rags before boarding the team bus (in the background) for the journey back to the Bunker of Plight: Today, at HQ Supreme Commander Percy Pardew is seen watching from viewing platform one of his battalions score an easy victory over the vile cockneyhordes. The mackemboss GusPoison was a former member of this southern gang:

We often used to go and set light to bonfires being assembled by other lads elsewhere in Bedders ... a good time to strike was a couple of nights in advance as the stacks were often guarded the night before. Penny for the Guy usually allowed us enough to buy supplies of 'penny bangers' (about pencil thickness x 3" long) and 'tuppenny bangers' (same length but 1/2" dia and usually a maroon colour) - our supplier was Adamson's sweet shop in Ridley Terrace, just around the corner from the Red Lion. Some years we didn't even bother to make a Guy ... one of the lads would dress in old togs and slump in one of our boggies and the drunks coming out of the Red Lion didn't twig. KeithL is correct about turnips being called snaggies or snags. I often annoy Mrs Symptoms by calling most root vegetables 'snags' and she responds by calling me a "working class Geordie lout" - always a laugh!

... "BBC's Jim'll Fix it". Oh, no ... we'll be having Operation Yewtree working with the Bedder's Peelers looking into this matter.

News of a most disturbing nature has reached us from the Front; the enemy has indeed committed war crimes against the Forces of Good. As we speak the War Crimes Commission is gathering evidence which shows a range of vile methods used by the Wearjunta before and during the battle for the Bunker of Plight salient. Some of these reports are indeed shocking. The kidnapping of key members of Toonbrigade unit commanders and sending them on Death Flights over the North Sea - this terror method was developed in certain South American countries. The indiscrimated use of local zombie hordes deployed to infect our healthy boys. Finally, probably the biggest crime of the day was the outrageous claim made by the mackemdeputy-minister of information. Ian McDonald, the Allies spokesman, breaking the news of the events from the 'dark place': mackemzombies: mackemdeputy-minister of information: A further bulletin has just been released by Ian McDonald that a number of Fifth Columnists are being rounded-up in the Northumberland homelands, especially in Bedlington. No details yet, but we hope to bring you images of this important work later.

Reports of a most disturbing nature have been sent to Allied Tooncommand Center from one of our brave agents operating deep behind the enemy frontline. A crack unit of mercenaries have been see driving north from their base on the banks of that smelly Tees-swamp; this notorious chemical warefare unit, the Smoggiemackem Troop, are suspected of moving their illegal horde of weapons of mass-distruction (WMD) towards the Bunker of Plight salient. Supreme Allied Commander 'Percy' Pardew has stated that if this vile group manage to deploy their WMD's against his forces it could delay the ultimate outcome of the campaign until May next year, he has however warned his forces of this new danger and reminded them that it was used earlier during the infamous Battle of Gallowgate. The Smoggiemackem Troop pictured moving North: Meanwhile, our Free French Regiment was pictured with our Supreme Allied Commander 'Percy' Pardew at their 'jump-off' point: The Free French Mid-field General was seen practicing taking long-range shots in anticipation of the battle tomorrow: