Symptoms

Ah, 'Danny' Douglas (real name Bill) and The Wacker. Remember, if you were naughty or didn't do the homework or didn't answer the question fast enough, he would shout "You boy, out the front and stand on the red square". For some reason there was this single red vinyl square in a sea of grey ones just in front of the blackboard where you had to bend over for whacking on the !*!@# . Hanging by a string from a hook beside the blackboard would be The Wacker (a section of butter barrel); Danny would take it down, chalk a white cross on the end of it and beat you on the !*!@# . The funny thing was that there were always loads of lads wandering around the school white chalk imprints on their grey trousers. I once got sent by Mr Hogg (the Physics teacher whose lab was next to Danny's room) to borrow The Whacker so Mr Hogg could beat somebody, I knocked on the door and went in, before I could say anything Danny said "Stand on the red square for interrupting my lesson" and I got whacked. He also used to take football training in the evenings for the Youth Club. A great bloke! Happy Days.

Pete - "... it sounded like they flew from one side of the living room to the other, ...". Early surround sound I remember reading an article in Scientific America (don't mock ... I was a student in the late '60's) about wiring-up 4 speakers in a particular fashion to create a quadraphonic effect; this was at the time when proprietary quad hi-fi systems were just coming onto the market but with prices the likes of us could never afford. Anyway, I followed the instructions and was amazed by the effect.

"Did they sell powedered egg?". Yep, during the last big bun fight with Jerry Hun.

And do you know why it's going down the pan ... all they sell these days is cheap Chinese plakka tosh, sweeties and a few CDs. Back in the Day you could get just about anything there ... from shoe repair materials (I remember my old man buying leather soles & steel taps for home repairs on his last) through to furniture and everything in between. It was the poor man's John Lewis.

alan - I'm intrigued by the 'c' in alanc. Was your nickname 'Cowt' at school, did you have an older brother in the cops, did you know a lad whose nickname was 'Talc' (not me), are you about 56? If yes to these questions, say so and I'll send you a private message via the Forum. You could be an old pal of mine.

Wasn't there a Tuck Shop in the big building - I'm sure you could get tea and sweets but maybe that's my memory playing tricks. We also swam in the River, probably ¼ of a mile up-stream from the baths/steppy stones, at the dam - deep on one side, a slime slide on the other and a rope swing for Tarzan plops into the water.

And what about the so called 'Olympic Legacy'? The Olympic Stadium will be ripped apart to reduce its capacity for athletics & footy - but no footy club wants to have a running track around the pitch so none have signed-up. We've all seen how lifeless/dull/lacking in atmosphere those foreign grounds are (Champ League tv games) ... goodness, it might even become as empty as the Smoggies tip or as grim as that darkplace in mackemland. The donkey riding & jumping in Greenwich park will consist of temporary stands and other facilities, all to be ripped-out at the end, no doubt causing long-term damage to this beautiful park (& Heritage Site). The shooting, just along the road at Woolwich Barracks – new ranges constructed, new seating, and all the rest – this is all coming out when the curtain comes down. This is a particular waste of dosh as just down the road, near Dartford, there’s already a shooting complex where the money could have been better spent on an up-grade ... that would have left an Olympic Legacy. They reckon we’ll all be paying for this for decades to come through taxation. The poor saps in Greater London will have to pay even more via a Council Tax Surcharge, although some on the Forum may say that “it serves them right for being Cockneys”. As to the Dome (or the O² as we now have to call it) - a great building but what a missed opportunity. I visited the place shortly after it opened and thought the structure was brilliant but the contents was so naff I couldn't believe it. The Faith Zone (an empty white space), fast-food concessions everywhere, the biggest diamond in the World (actually, it was just a glass fake), the Body Zone (a giant plastic dolly which you walked through) ... Oh dear! the place looked cheap and nasty. I had better times at the Miners Picnic! They should have built the National Stadium (Wembley) there instead of Dome.

alan - if you use the Search function in the Menu Bar above, and type in Humford and/or Humford Baths you'll get previous postings about that much loved place. Ah, fond memories: peep holes in the wooden walls of the changing cubicles, frogs in the filter pool and being chucked in there by the 'big lads', the cold water ... something not really noticed/ignored because we pretended to be tough, happy days out with mates. I can't remember the entrance fee ... was it a tanner?

Denzel - join Mr Darn at the top of the class for your accurate assessment of the situation. Brief, punchy and well argued!

I wrote here on Friday 31st October - "Now Max Clifford representing the Granddaughter ... it all smells like a publicity stunt to me. You can just image Brand, whilst busy 'diddling' (his expression, not mine!) with The Granddaughter hatching a plan for her future career. Just watch ... glamour shots in the tabs, invitation to join one of those awful reality shows, celebrity stardom. You couldn't make it up." Well guess what? Celebrity stardom on Channel 5 tonight, preceded by her press statement via that Channel: Andrew Sachs's granddaughter Georgina Baillie has called for Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross to be reinstated. "The 23-year-old said Radio 2 DJ Brand's resignation and Ross's three month suspension without pay was "out of proportion". Baillie, who performs with her dance troupe the Satanic Sluts, has also told how she wants to pursue a career as an actress and model. She told broadcaster Five in her first TV interview: "I was really angry when I said I wanted them both to be fired, but I think the suspension was good enough. So I'm feeling a bit gutted really about the whole thing. "I think it's way out of proportion what's happened, and I don't hate either of them, I don't at all. I think they're really talented comedians and I think a world without Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand would be a very sad, dull place. "You know I think Russell needs to learn a few lessons about respecting women, definitely, and maybe Jonathan Ross could maybe think before he speaks in the future. I don't have any harder feeling than that." She added: "I want to keep performing with my dance troupe. And all these modelling offers have come through which is quite interesting. I thought about doing modelling a few years ago but was told I was a bit too chunky for that, but now all of a sudden I'm not, so that's great." To quote the great Ethel Merman ... "There's no business like show business".

Yeh, numerous versions of the transcript are available online, but beware of which one you read and believe. The one that caused all the fuss includes stuff that was never transmitted, the bits that the producers 'left on the cutting-room floor'. This 'spun' version was disseminated by that Pantomime Villain of 'Fleet Street', the Mail. Ah, wouldn't Dr Goebbels be proud of them. Also, pinch your nose when viewing the 'live' footage of the show which is available on You Tube and others; again this shows the pre-cut stuff. Why no prosecution? Not enough evidence perhaps! Could be that no offense was committed! No complaint by Sachs to the cops. Is anybody to get the ball rolling over Jeremy Clarkson's observation, on Top Gear last night, that truck drivers murder prostitutes, and his use of the word pikie. Maybe we should start a list here of comedy shows that should be attacked for being offensive to Middle England - we could called it the Burning of the Books. Oh dear, that sounds familiar as well, has a bit of a 1930's ring to it. I'll start the list: Hancock's Half Hour - mocking the NHS Blood Transfusion Service That Was The Week That Was - cruelty to Politicians and being unfair to fraudsters Monty Python's Flying Circus - being inaccessable to 'The Great Unwashed' but hilarious to the Educated Classes, causing the DG of the Beeb sleepless nights, spawning a generation of great comic actors and their subsequent output Not The Nine O'clock News - jokes about thick coppers Porridge - mocking the gay inmate, mocking figures in authority The Office - for simply being very UNFUNNY, a waste of electricity, and allowing Gervais to continue to perpetrate a 'comedy' con on the Nation Little Britain - funny first episode but then became a 'one trick pony' - variation (if we're lucky) of the same stuff every week

Spot on Mr Darn, balanced and well argued, as usual. Dave's remark, "Getting a massive wedge ..." (whilst technically accurate) confirms my view that it's Ross's renumeration that's driving this purge, not his behaviour. This whole saga reminds me of what went on here a couple of years ago. The comfortable backwater that was this Forum, with it's easy opinions, folksy reminiscences, old (not offensive) jokes and the occasional quiz, was 'contaminated' by the toxic views of a couple of posters. What resulted was a call to ban the perpetrators but wiser counsel prevailed; my own suggestion for a 'cesspit' section of the Forum (now branded Chat Central) was taken-up. Anybody entering it is warned of the potential for shocking content. So no censorship or bans - excellent!!! Where this comparison breaks down slightly is that complaints were made about Radio 2's version of Chat Central (the graveyard shift that was Brand's show) ... people knew what they were letting themselves in for by tuning-in, so how could anybody be shocked? All comedy attacks, by definition there must always be a victim. Every joke told sneers at something; fat folk, gays, Jews, Blacks, mackem scum, 'retards', the French, the Germans, etc., etc. It's a device to make us feel superior (better) than others. Trouble is that usually the most offensive jokes are the funniest.

Jorga wrote "can`t agree here, we are paying licence money to Ross he is an idiot who thinks he can do and say what he wants lets have some decency please, as for the idea of the Mail being a Nazi paper, my grandad always said their were plenty of Nazis in Bedlington, " gifted Radio Controller" who are you trying to kid." I'm quite happy that Jorga, as a licence fee payer, doesn't agree with me, another licence payer, about the worth of Ross to The Beeb. However, what can't be denied is the popularity* of the bloke, and what a 'shot in the arm' he gave to that moribund getto that was Radio 2; it wasn't long ago that all you got there was Jimmy Young, Wogan and a load more stiffs (the same has-beens wheeled out this week to put their spiteful boots in). Yeh, maybe Ross "is an idiot who thinks he can do and say what he wants ", but loads of us like that stuff. I do, however accept that abusing Manuel was a step too far and 'consequences' should have followed - measured consequences! But please, not the un-holy sight of Littlejohn and his ilk behaving like latterday Witchfinder Generals hunting down comics for burning at the stake of fake public indignation. I'm sure the Mail reflected a large degree of popular appeal here in the 30's, the decade of Mosley's Blackshirts and rampant Anti-Semitism (including the popular move to keep those fleeing Nazi persecution out). Interesting how an organ of the Boss Class was avidly devoured by those being kept in their places (usually the Dole Queue) and how they usually absorbed the poison that suggested it was all the immigrants' (read Jews') fault. Lesley Douglas was a "gifted Radio Controller" if one of those can be described as (and I do) having rescued Radio 2 from a diet of 1950's drivel and disappearing audience figures*. It is now the most popular* radio station in the land. I think what really is driving this hysteria is Ross's wages packet 'cos just about every adverse comment/article/blog/posting usually ends up mentioning it ... well maybe fair comment (it is an outrageous amount of dosh), but he was offered £15 million from a rival broadcaster at the time but stuck with Auntie. I reckon this demonstrated the 'worth' of the job at the time. Finally, why is it we don't see the Mail and the Sun waging a relentless vendetta against the Bankers, vile footballers, and other unworthies? Why don't they doorstep the boss of Barclays or those tw#ts Terry & Ferdinand with the same enthusiasm? Orders from above maybe ... "just following orders" - now where have I heard that before? *popularity measured using the agreed industry standard for listener/viewer figures

Paul - have you got a brother called Michael (Micky)? He'll be about 57 now.

Shame on the weak kneed, yellow-bellied craven bosses at the Beeb who are clearly running scared of the hysteria whipped-up by that vile Nazi supporting rag, The Mail; the same paper, whose Ward Price supported Hitler in the 30's and thought the idea of the Concentration Camps had some merit. The Mail, in it's recent Editorial, even accused Brand of making a joke about the Holocaust, when what he had done was to remind us of that paper's Nazi tradition. So we can describe recent events as the Mail's Revenge, stirring-up the ‘beige brigades’ who normally lust after the chair lifts advertised it’s Classified Section, to complain in their thousands to the Beeb. This blitzkrieg, driven by the Mail’s fake outrage should be seen for what it is! The two naughty boys apologised, Andrew Sachs accepted these with grace, the Beeb should have then drawn a line under the episode then. Instead, we have the gifted Radio 2 Controller sacrificed, one talent permanently exiled and the other 'flogged around the fleet' for 3 months. All we now have to look forward to is a diet of anaemic, safe tosh dished-up as cutting edge by scared comics; they'll always be 'looking over their shoulders'. Watch out Franky Boyle ... you'll be next for that old Queen's !*!@# skit. Leave the comics alone! - otherwise prepare for wall-to-wall Wogan. Now Max Clifford representing the Granddaughter ... it all smells like a publicity stunt to me. You can just image Brand, whilst busy 'diddling' (his expression, not mine!) with The Granddaughter hatching a plan for her future career. Just watch ... glamour shots in the tabs, invitation to join one of those awful reality shows, celebrity stardom. You couldn't make it up.

I was looking at Google's satellite views of Bedlington to check-up on old haunts and noticed the reservoir behind the Red Lion being dug out. What's the story ... land clearance or just some maintenance work by the local water company. I know the picture is likely to be at least more than a couple of years old. It's strange to see our old play areas, eg. The Cut behind the Riggs/Council Offices being built over with houses, nothing left to show where Costains operated, the baths down at Humford, the pit-heaps ... all gone. Still it's nice to see 20 Acres hasn't been built over (yet!!!). I suppose sentiment has no place before the march of progress.

Is your brother called George ... I went to school with a Geordie Nesbitt, he'll be 57ish?

The cops and their toys ... is it 'value for money'? When you watch those cop shows on the telly with choppers (and loads of cop cars) chasing villains, usually joy-riders, it's always a let-down when the narrator at the end of the show tells us that the villains have been let off with a caution, or something that smacks as a let off.

Caption reads: Mr Ashley's representative discusses team tactics with the new Manager whilst Dennis Wise looks on.

Tesco'll be up-for-it! I'm sure any excuse to subsidise their 'offshore' tax schemes (to avoid paying millions & millions in UK Corporation Tax) will be grabbed by their fat-cat bosses and owning family.

Elsewhere??? Maybe in lots of Bedlington garden features or in Grandad's sock drawer? Those of a certain age will remember the 1000's of fossils unearthed from Costain's open-cast site in the 60's - the Town was awash with them.

An excellent result over that little grubby town at the !*!@# -end of the Metro line; a place where low level radioactive waste was dropped down the Monkwearmouth colliery shaft before they build that plastic and tin shack over the pithead.

Update reported in The Guardian this morning under the headline ... Quote: New eco-towns to make it hard going for cars with 15mph limit Half of all households in eco-towns will have to live without a car and those that have one will find their speed limited to 15mph, according to standards for the wave of new towns unveiled yesterday. In a series of anti-car measures announced by Hazel Blears, the secretary of state for communities, large parts of the towns of up to 20,000 homes each will be car-free. Homes will instead be built no farther than 400 metres from a bus or tram stop, and car-sharing schemes will replace car ownership. The measures came in the most detailed guidance yet to what will qualify as an eco-town. Gordon Brown announced plans for 10 such towns last summer in response to the housing shortage. Criteria aimed at achieving community cohesion include a skateboard park in every development, areas set aside for Gypsies and Travellers and "arrival workers" to help the first residents meet their neighbours and find community facilities. By capturing rainwater and reusing waste water, eco-towns will also have to be "water-neutral", which means there should be no overall increase in water demand as a result of the development. "A rigorous selection process has meant only the very best proposals have made it through," said Caroline Flint, the minister for housing and planning. "It's critical we get it right and I make no apologies for setting the bar as high as possible." Other proposed initiatives include staff in every eco-town to offer residents and businesses personalised travel planning to adapt to the largely car-free environment. The German town of Freiberg, home of Europe's largest car-free development, is cited as a good example. In Freiberg, bike lanes, light rail and buses have replaced cars and anyone who owns a car has to pay £12,500 for the parking space as well as a monthly management fee. Developers will also have to make room for allotments. "Giving people the opportunity to grow their own vegetables and plant fruit trees will ... turn passive consumers into active producers," the guidance states." End quote ..................................................... Advisors in the town to personalise travel planning - that conversation might go something like ... "walk down to the bus stop and check-up the timetable fixed to the shelter. Oh, you have - it's been what, vandalised? Sorry I can't help you then, I live in Ashington and drive here to work, haven't been on a bus for 20 years. Yeh, we've got our own reserved parking spaces in front of the office".

Good summary Charlie. I wonder if the existing workforce will get their existing Conditions of Employment safeguarded beyond the Tupe limit, or will they get stiffed like 1000's of others before them. Of course the new Company, in the shape of their hired mouthpieces, will bleat-on about how they'll value the workforce, whilst working-out ways to cut costs (sackings, hiring agency folk with no employment protection, etc.) Then we'll see a 'get rich quick' management buy-out resulting in lots of lovely loot for the few. A bit like NR really - a Mutual, owned by the members who voted to 'cash-in', then it went t*ts-up. A pound-to-a-pinch-of !*!@# the majority of the tenants won't see any improvements. So it looks like the 'in-house' corporate promotional video was pretty near the mark - "outdated TV camera".

"outdated TV camera" could mean 'in-house' corporate promotional video. Or the sign is a sponsor's (we've got roundabouts on roads sponsored by local firms here). Or it could be a variation on that old trick of 'no film in the camera' dodge to tap-up women.