Table 25 - The Script As It Is Developed

[mercuryg]

Greetings all; you may or may not know of my plans to make a blockbuster movie in Bedlington, inspired by Table 25 in the Red Lion. I am expecting Mr Lockey's help, which I am sure will be forthcoming when the decorators have finished embellishing his palatial abode on Terrier Close. You will be pleased to here that the script is developing nicely; following is the first scene, which sets the mood of mystery, intrigue, bawdiness and upcoming terror; feel free to comment on, add to, or follow with scene two should you wish.

Table 25: Act One

The scene: The Red Lion, Bedlington, New Year's Day circa 1870 (for the benefit of the reader, the tale is one of time travel and the apocalypse); among the usual scenes of revelry, drunkenness and general misbehaviour, a strange looking gentleman with glasses and grey hair ambles up to the bar.

Strange Looking Gentleman (SLG): "Greetings, buxom serving wench! A flagon of your finest ale, if you would, verily.†(Victorians, it should be noted, say 'verily' a lot, for no apparent reason. Just as it is commonplace, in westerns, for Lee van Cleef to shoot someone, for no apparent reason.)

Buxom Serving Wench (BSW): "Of course sir, and would there be anything else?â€

SLG: "Aah, let me see, yes, a camel.â€

BSW: "No problem, sir, would that be one hump, or two?â€

(The above is actually an old joke about Harrods, which has absolutely no place here, but might raise a laugh among the impending doom.)

SLG: "As you mention it, wench, one hump would be nice, two even nicer! Hah!â€

BSW: (handing SLG foaming flagon of ale) "Ooh, naughty sir! Don't worry, I get it all the time!â€

SLG: "I have no doubt you do, verily!â€

(SLG returns to his chosen table – the mystical Table 25 – only to find it occupied by a cluster of young ne'er do wells. He ponders the situation, and calmly sits down among them.)

SLG: (Swigs his ale, turns to young scruff next to him) "Verily, young man, you do know that this mysterious and hallowed table is a portal to another dimension? All one need do is utter the secret magic incantation, and a wormhole to another world opens.â€

Young Scruff: "Verily, Chaps, we have none other than a nutter here; let us avail ourselves of ye olde banditte in the corner.â€

SLG, as per his wishes, is left alone.........

I believe it has the makings of a classic.

[Malcolm Robinson]

All one need do is utter the secret magic incantation................

It used to be.....'What ya looking at...'

[keith lockey]

Verily I say unto thee all inhabitees of mystical Table 25, thoust will need more than a flagon of finest ale for the coming year, for if you read below we have all been deceived by the Nibiru fiasco. Twas but a taster, a foot in the tepid water of life to see how we would react - for I say unto thee most verily indeed that the real thing is winging its way unto us next year -2013 and is called ISON. We must girdle our loins, straighten are jock straps, fillet our cod pieces and stand accounted for - one for all and all for one. (Or if you are Mexican - Juan for all and all for Juan.) It is time to gather our resources; cast our spells, incant our incantations, cast the runes, for this new threat must be met head on. I am already preparing myself for this coming titanic battle, I have bought four pairs of brown underpants from Asda. But fear not, we will be triumphant so let us sally forth with our rousing battle cry on our lips - you know the one "Izzy wizzy let's get bizzy."

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/brighter-than-a-full-moon-the-biggest-star-of-2013-could-be-ison--the-comet-of-the-century-8431443.html

[Malcolm Robinson]

This is starting to sound like a religion.............

Keef2 you assured me the world was going to end on 21st Dec so I didn't pay my subs... now...................

[keith lockey]

This is starting to sound like a religion.............

Keef2 you assured me the world was going to end on 21st Dec so I didn't pay my subs... now...................

You didn't pay your subs!!!!!!!

That's tantamount to stampeding cattle through the vatican or saying you don't believe in Santa Claus. It's a hanging offence up here. You know what will happen now, the men in power will send the Committee Men after you. They are worse than the Spanish Inquisition. They'll drag you out of bed and haul you off to the Market Place Club and force IPA down your neck. Malcolm, run for the hills; put distance between you and the CM's. Take refugee at Table 25; chant the magic words and go back in time when people wore flares and kipper ties and turning on the tranny meant listening to the wireless / radio. There is a timewarp at Table 25, all you have to do is take a jump to the left, then a step to the right; put your hands on your hips...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rtkdo7bOmJc

Edited December 31, 2012 by keith lockey