Table 25

[Malcolm Robinson]

Better get a move on with this film Merc.........

Bollywood looks to be catching up on your idea!

[Malcolm Robinson]

Steamy...........

See Foxy is starring.............

[mercuryg]

Plagiarism! I'll have their guts for this!

[John Fox (foxy)]

Steamy...........

See Foxy is starring.............

She can only Dream Malc!

[keith lockey]

Four men sat huddled around the legendary Table 25.

Outside a storm brewed; blinding lightning seared the gun-metal grey sky and the thunder that followed rattled the dentures in the bartenders mouth. One of the men at the sacred table leant forward, his voice a mere whisper. He was tall, grey-haired, a spit for Richard Gere some said.

"We have competition.”

Another man, tall and broad with the air of someone who expected obedience nodded. He was known only as MR. "So I have heard, the Fox told me.”

The Fox sat in the shadows, his features obscured by the dim lighting. "They call themselves Table 21.”

There were curses from the others.

"We will have to dispose of them.” Another man said, his voice as hard as a miner's liver.

Grey-hair nodded. "Correct, Adam, that is why I have gathered you here, for I have summoned Him to do our bidding.”

There were gasps. "You mean…Him?”

"Yes, Him, he who cannot be named in daylight; he who is known by many names – the Destroyer, The Shadow, Widow-Maker, LBG.”

"LBG?” The others frowned.

"Little Baldy Git. Last night I performed a dark rite in the outside loo of my terraced accommodation. I poured the blood of a virgin into a pit boot, added the ginger hair of a cross-eyed tom cat, mixed it with a liberal dash of Sainsbury's nutmeg and doused the lot with some Tesco mint sauce. Then I incanted to the four cardinal points and called forth He-Who-Cannot-Be-Named to meet us here at noon.”

As he spoke the clock above the bar chimed twelve. There was a gust of wind and the doors of the Red Lion burst open. No one entered but suddenly a figure appeared at Table 25. The four occupants gasped. "It is He.”

"Why have I been summoned?” The stranger asked.

Grey-hair gulped down his dandelion and burdoch. "I…we have summoned you to do our bidding we ask that you destroy the interlopers known as Table 21.”

"So be it, but my price is high, I demand a coal scuttle full of Diamonds, the horn of a unicorn, a lock of Rapunzel's hair and a packet of midget gems.”

"No probs.” Said the foursome. "When can you do it?”

The stranger snapped his fingers and disappeared. Ten seconds later he was back, brushing soot off his lapel. "It is done.”

There were more gasps.

"What have you done to them?” MR asked, his voice tremulous.

"I have sent them to a world of darkness, to a place where there is no hope, to a region of punishment and torture.”

"A Spandau Ballet concert?” Said the Fox.

"Worse.” Said the stranger.

"Newbiggin?” MR asked.

"Worse.”

Adam paled as sudden realisation dawned. "You mean to when she ruled?”

The stranger laughed and the sound sent chills throughout the pub. "Yes, I have sent them back to when Maggie became PM and darkness descended on the world. But enough of this, I must be off, Ed Milliband has summoned me, he, too, wants to become Prime Minister, A task that not even I can perform.”

There was a blinding light and the stranger was gone and the four men at Table 25 were glad they had brought spare underpants.

[Malcolm Robinson]

Ya wasted keef.................

:lol:

[mercuryg]

This place is gold dust these days, love it.

[Canny lass]

This place is gold dust these days, love it.

When you say "this place" are you referring to the Red Lion or Bedlington.co.uk? If it's the latter I have to agree with you! It's like a good book which you just can't put down for a minute.

[mercuryg]

Both, when you mention it, though I was referring to the website, which is a source of much amusement on a daily basis; long may it continue.

[P.A.W.S.]

Fifty Shades of Keef - genius!