Wilf The Golfing Gnome

[Eileen]

Please tell me is Wilf a Goody or a Baddy?

[Maggie/915]

Good and bad in all of us Eileen.

[Alan Edgar (Eggy1948)]

Please tell me is Wilf a Goody or a Baddy?

Wilf is a Goody Eileen.

It's just there are some worldly Symptoms that tend to discolor his outlook on life! I think that unforgetable bearded face plays tricks on the dreams, and nightmares of some, causing them to substitute this small defenseless gnome into the body of disturbed villains throughout the ages.

Feel free to join the many that try and distract his aim in life.

PS - I'm stuck. My Adobe Photoshop 5.5 has started to totally screw up my old Vista system, using all my 2GB Physical Memory and if anything is loaded in there before it is started it refuses to load! Wilf may never get his xmas story published or return to he beloved golf.

I will now have to discuss the meaning of life with the wife, again, rather than indulge in my pretend life whilst I save up for a new Desktop and software. In the meantime GOD knows what Wilf will get up to next.

[Symptoms]

Wilf is a very naughty boy.  This photo, lifted from Egg's security camera, clearly shows Wilf messing with Egg's computer thus rendering the Vista/Photoshop combo crippled.  Wilf learnt his hacking skills when he attended British intelligence's 'black ops' training camp.

 

[Alan Edgar (Eggy1948)]

Wilf's new position outside The Terrier gave him a good view of the area. Coming down Stead Lane, from Algood Terrace, he could see a donkey, stuttering it's way down, but no Mary on his back!

"Haven't you forgotten somebody?" asked Wilf.

"Ne ne ne nnot sure" said donkey, "ne ne ne nobody t te te te told me te te te b b bring anybody".

"Your so thick" said Wilf.

"eeyore eeyore eealways calls me that", thought donkey.

 

 

[Symptoms]

Our Middle-East correspondent has just filed a very disturbing report which contains an early image of the famous Bible story of the Son of God entering Jerusalem on a donkey. Scolars have scrutinised the image and have concluded that the figure on the donkey is not, as has been previously believed, a local man named Jesus, but someone called Wilf. Over two thousand years of history will now have to be rewritten. Vatican sources are suggesting that Wilf, Son of God, did his early training with the British Intelligence Brothers.

 

The donkey was stoned to death that same day and was rendered into lamb burgers for a Passover feast;  subsequently, the halal butcher was found guilty of meat fraud and crucified.

 

 

 

 

[Symptoms]

Yesterday the Monty Python team announced extra dates for their stage show One Down Five To Go at the Dome (now called 'The O2' - yuk!).  It was also announced that they've replaced the dead Graham Chapman with his brother Wilf Chapman.  Background information about Wilf is sketchy but John Cleese has suggested there might have been something murky going on ... something to do with British Intelligence.

 

The press conference yesterday:

 

[Alan Edgar (Eggy1948)]

Yesterday the Monty Python team announced extra dates for their stage show One Down Five To Go at the Dome (now called 'The O2' - yuk!).  It was also announced that they've replaced the dead Graham Chapman with his brother Wilf Chapman.  Background information about Wilf is sketchy but John Cleese has suggested there might have been something murky going on ... something to do with British Intelligence.

 

The press conference yesterday:

WilfMonty-Python.jpg

Sorry Symptoms, but as you know Wilf is busy setting up a story that may lead to finding The Holy Grail.

Although most of the legends like King Arthur; his squire Patsy; Sir Robin; Sir Galahad the Pure; the Black Night etc. can't be present there is a chance that Sir Bedders, the Wise, could be the only one available from this Spamalot to join Wilf.

You can't just bring empty Trojan Rabbits into the plot.

[Symptoms]

Good dog Son of Wilf ... show the Donk who's boss.

 

[Alan Edgar (Eggy1948)]

Good dog Son of Wilf ... show the Donk who's boss.

 

WilfTerrier.jpg

So that's where Puddlers Raw started!

[Symptoms]

Alex Salmon, the top Jocko, has instigated a huge man-hunt for a member of British Intelligence who stole a helicopter and was last seen parachuting from it.  Salmon has suggested that it may have been part of an English plot to affect the big Jockovote next year.  A spokesman for the British Intelligence Service has denied that their operative, codename 'Wilf', is the person shown in the photographs.

 

English secret agent seen stealing the helicopter:

 

The agent seen jumping from the helicopter with a parachute on his back:

 

 

[Alan Edgar (Eggy1948)]

Wilf's new position outside The Terrier gave him a good view of the area. Coming down Stead Lane, from Algood Terrace, he could see a donkey, stuttering it's way down, but no Mary on his back!

"Haven't you forgotten somebody?" asked Wilf.

"Ne ne ne nnot sure" said donkey, "ne ne ne nobody t te te te told me te te te b b bring anybody".

"Your so thick" said Wilf.

"eeyore eeyore eealways calls me that", thought donkey.

 

Wilf's refuge with eeyore.png

We three kings of Cambois  are

Bearing gifts, and following Blue Star.

Broon and Amber, next the Founders,

Following yonder Blue Star.

If you want a beer that's perfection indeed

I'll give you a guide to fulfilling your need

At home by your fireside, in pub or in bar

The sign of good taste is the famous Blue Star

 

 

Edited December 2, 2013 by Eggy1948

[Symptoms]

Agent Wilf making his escape from Jockoboss Salmon ... seen here running in a North by Northwest* direction across the border:

 

 

Satellite image courtesy of the British Intelligence Service

 

*our younger viewers may have to Google "North by Northwest"   for the cultural reference.

 

 

[Symptoms]

After his news conference yesterday Tom Daley seen with his 'friend' Wilf:

 

 

 

[Alan Edgar (Eggy1948)]

Adrian, Andy & Troy and their groopies

flocked in on Monday to hear the woopeees.

So when Holly flicked that enormous switch

t'was time to cheer, not to bitch.

Now they had seen the shining light

where to stay for the rest of the night.

So Wilf invited the three bad shepherds, and their groopies, to The Bedlington Terrier.

[Alan Edgar (Eggy1948)]

Hello Mary, you lost?

Hello Wilf. No not lost just can't find anywhere to stay. 

Need to find some where as quick as I can. Any room in The Terrier?

Just too late Mary. There are a lot of star gazers just turned up and God says someone called Wrath is visiting.

Let us na if you get any more Symptoms.

[Alan Edgar (Eggy1948)]

Mary, said Wilf. The stargazers have noticed your predicament and made you a crib and come out to see you.

And look, somebody has dropped some gold!

Pick them up Mary.

 

[Alan Edgar (Eggy1948)]

Final Chapter = Exodus

Mary bent down to pick up the coins.

Oh dear, said Wilf. It wasn't an immaculate conception, just Trapped wind.

 

We three kings of orient are,

blown away, along with star.

Broon and Amber, Founders too

Following yonder star.

 

O Star of wonder, star of night

Shepherds, sheep and menu bright.

Eastward leading, still proceeding

Propelled by Mary, into the Light.

 

New Years resolution = No more. I have used this to practice photo manipulation with transparencies. I hope I have not offended anyone.

yours sincerely

Wilf 

[Canny lass]

I'll miss you Wilf!

[Maggie/915]

Don't leave us Wilf!

[Symptoms]

Some of us will ensure he never dies.

[Alan Edgar (Eggy1948)]

[Canny lass]

Oh Wilf! Where have you been? I've missed you.

[Alan Edgar (Eggy1948)]

Oh Wilf! Where have you been? I've missed you.

[Eileen]

So glad to see you again Wilf.