The Happy Mondays one proclaimed they were 'Moving In With' us; not so in the case of Mr & Mrs Pencil Neck. Not content with their Ravensworth Terrace lovenest, they've only gone one better and purchased their very own flat (handily placed for local amenities and schools). But why go to the bother of ringing The Shore Porter's Society when your altruistic chums will do the job for the cost of a pint of lager?

To be fair it was a poor turn-out, with only Mr & Mrs Hairy Heed and myself offering any assistance - Ginola and The Colonel opting to spend the morning in their respective scratchers, avoiding any sign of hard work. A regular theme of helping my peer group move home has been a lack of preparation; ie, nothing is ever packed away. Having said that, Mrs Pencil Neck had swiftly hidden the knicker basket and her selection of buzzy friends when I arrived, so not all was lost.

With Captain Hairy Heed in full control of the Borchmobile, we were soon lifting dusty boxes of Pixies CD's and Simpsons paraphernalia into the van, whilst Pencil Neck tried in vain to disassemble his furniture using a toothpick and an aubergine; next time pal, sort out some screwdrivers.

Another regular theme of helping friends move home has been the stark realisation that they live like Paraffin Lamps - try using a vaccuum cleaner and a duster in your new home, it makes a hell of a difference. But this was a minor gripe - nothing will ever compare to The Colonel's previous abode.

Anyway, I just wanted to say, good luck in your new home together Mr & Mrs Pencil Neck. Just dump some of the crap you've accumulated (particularly Mr PN's old wardrobe, CD's and Simpson's crap) and you might even be able to move around freely in there.

Cheers big lad

Anyway, I just wanted to say, good luck in your new home together Mr & Mrs Pencil Neck. Just dump some of the crap you've accumulated (particularly Mr PN's old wardrobe, CD's and Simpson's crap) and you might even be able to move around freely in there.

Seconded

The big cull has started........

The big cull has started........

Getting rid of your Pixies T-shirts are you? Or the endless Simpsons tat?

Getting rid of your Pixies T-shirts are you? Or the endless Simpsons tat?

Neither......."Gollum"

Neither......."Gollum"

Gollum? Is that your pet name for your lass?!

Gollum? Is that your pet name for your lass?!

I look more like him

I look more like him

I won't disagree; even pig-faced ex-Boro' thug Phil Stamp looks better than you.

I won't disagree; even pig-faced ex-Boro' thug Phil Stamp looks better than you.

Shut it fat boy

Shut it fat boy

S-s-s-s-s-sorry!