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Diego Maradona decides to come out of retirement and play for Chelsea, he goes into the changing room to find all his team mates looking a bit glum. "What's up boys.?" He asks. "Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only Liverpool. They're total shit and we really can't be bothered". Maradona looks at them and says "Well I know I'm over 60 now and a bit fat and grey, but I reckon I can beat them by myself, you lads go down the pub, I'll sort this out." So Maradona goes out to play Liverpool by himself and the rest of the Chelsea team go off for a few beers. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the TV on. A big cheer goes up as the screen shows "Chelsea 1 (Maradona 10 minutes) – Liverpool 0 He is beating Liverpool all by himself..! Anyway, a few more beers later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on" They put the TV on. "Result from the Stamford Bridge: Chelsea 1 (Maradona 10 minutes) – Liverpool 1 (Sturridge 89 minutes) They can't believe it, he has single handed got a draw against Liverpool..! They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat crying with his head in his hands. He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down I've let you down" "Don't be stupid Diego, you got a draw against Liverpool all by yourself. And they only scored at the very very end..!" Maradonna says "No, No, I have, I've let you all down.!. Cos I got sent off after 12 minutes..!".

I was born in no 2 Old Hall in 1948. My father, a putter in the Dr pit, kept pigs at the bottom of the gardens ( fields really). Would bring pigs up to the Yard on Thurday night and kept in the old coal houses till saturday morning when Hay the Butcher would oversea the slaughter while mother was in the house with the wireless turned up full.. Couldnt go anywhere in the house without seeing a side of salted pork hanging up encased in white muslin.He later kept Rabbits, over 100 of them, again, for the table. Chicken was a luxury, way beyond our affordability. How times change, Brian T.

Please I missed the Olympic opening ceremony and watched the opening of the 2016-17 English Football league show! NUFC team will never be charged for taking performance enhancing drugs but they might be held up on being dope-s. At least for 7 days now I can watch some athletes giving their best.

July 2016 - In preparation for the dark nights to come Canny Lass bought a joke book. A little boy dresses up as a pirate for halloween. He has a bit of a speech impediment. The first house he goes to he says, "I'm a birate. This is my barrot. Can I have some bandy?" The woman looks at him and says, "My my aren't you cute. But where are your buccaneers?" The boy looks are her angrily and says "On the side of my buckin head you buckin dumass."

Upside down must be for the Saturday night crowd