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I think I know her.........er.... but she,s not from bedlington

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS 40-ish..............................49 Adventurous.....................Slept with all your friends Athletic............................No boobs Average looking.................Ugly Beautiful...........................Pathological liar Contagious Smile................Does a lot of pills Emotionally secure..............On medication Feminist............................Fat Free spirit..........................Junkie Friendship first...................Former slut Fun..................................Annoying Gentle..............................Dull New Age...........................Body hair in the wrong places Open-minded.....................Desperate Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing Passionate........................Sloppy drunk Poet.................................Depressive Professional.......................Bitch Romantic...........................Frigid Voluptuous........................Very Fat Large frame.......................Hugely Fat Wants Soul mate................Stalker Widow..............................Murderer

... of course, you can add: Non-smoker ............................................. smoulders round the edges and occasionally bursts into flames.

Nr 23 is Miss CRAIGS - needlework teacher. Her father had the Railway tavern at Bedlington Station

A five year old girl is usually driven to school every day by her granddad but when he had a bad cold she was driven by grandma instead. When she came home she told her parents that the ride to school was very different when granny was driving. “What made it so different?” her parents asked. “Grandma and I didn’t see a single t#sser, blind b@*tard, foreign pr!ck or w@#ker the whole of the journey”.