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Showing content with the highest reputation on 04/09/16 in all areas

  1. They can't help - Not A Toilet Organisation.
    1 point
  2. John and Mary Anderson found that the only way to have a ’quickie’ on Sunday afternoon was to send their 10 year old son onto the balcony to report on what was happening in the neighborhood. The boy started to report just as his parents started their ‘activities’. “A car is being towed away from the parking space belonging to the flats opposite. An ambulance just drove past.” A few minutes went by: "It looks like the Smiths have visitors. Mathew is riding around on his new bike and Mr & Mrs Arnold are having sex.” His parents stopped abruptly and shouted: “How can you possibly know that?” “ Their son is also on the balcony”.
    1 point
  3. Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered: 1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. 2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran. 3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart. 4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded. 5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded. 6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it? 7. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser. 8. Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the lamp post. 9. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them. 10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents. 11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids. 12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. 13. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom. 14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees. 15. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess. 16. It’s not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere. 17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. 18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after". 19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded. .... and, as if that's not bad enough: When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me." Making a mental note so I could complain to my local MP about this running amok security rubbish, I did just as she had instructed. After the shrieking and hysterical remarks finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to how I should position my credit card. Nonetheless, I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions a little clearer for seniors. Man I hate this getting older stuff.
    1 point
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