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GETTING OLDER Since it was such a crappy day, I sat in my recliner and started thinking about life. I came to realize that, as I have grown older I've learned that pleasing everyone is...impossible, but pxxxing everyone off is a piece of cake. Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband. Lance Armstrong....I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning seven Tour de France races, while on drugs. Hell, when I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike. Drive-by...Someone broke into my house last week. They didn't take my TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels. The sick bastard!!! The Agony of Aging...On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended, I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked. You're supposed to turn your CLOCK BACK." Video Scam...Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes". Turns out it's all about golf. Absolute waste of money! Pass this on so others don't get scammed. Pregnant Prostitute...Doctor asks a pregnant prostitute, "Do you know who the father is?" "Hey, dumb ass," she replied, "If you ate a can of beans, would you know which one made you fart?"

Thanks very much....... and yes Orloff....... May 4th.........Bedlington Independent's Day!

May the 4th be with you!

Couldn't have put it better myself, Pete. Go for it Malcolm and get out there and vote the rest of you!!