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mercuryg

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Everything posted by mercuryg

  1. I think they all met the Queen when they were least expecting it.
  2. Congrats on the jobs both of you, not easy to come by these days. As for the prize, I can't wait!
  3. Of course, Played Captain Edward J Smith.
  4. Not that good Keith: Titanic!
  5. "The Defective Parrot" A guy is browsing in a pet shop, and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot.?' The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.' 'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually understood and answered me. !' 'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen to be a highly intelligent, and a thoroughly educated bird' 'Oh yeah?' the guy asks. 'Then answer this, how do you hang onto your perch, without any feet.?' 'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing, but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar, like a little hook. You can't see it, because of my feathers.' 'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand, and can speak English, can't you.?' 'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic, politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me, I'd be a great companion.' The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. 'Sorry, but I just can't afford that.' 'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me, cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20, just make the guy an offer.!' The guy offers $20, and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work, and the parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing. 'I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife, and the postman.' 'What are you talking about,?' asks the guy. 'When he delivered a package today, your wife greeted him at the door, in a sheer black nightie.' 'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN what happened?' 'Well, he came into the house, and lifted up her nightie, and began petting her all over,' reported the parrot. 'NO!' he exclaims, 'and she let him.?' 'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie, got down on his knees, and began to kiss her all over.' Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED.?' 'DUNNO?!? I got an erection, and fell off my perch.!'
  6. Think you nailed it Malcolm!
  7. Yes, we genuinely did. I think there were several pints of strong ale involved in the decision.
  8. Now here's a funny thing; my friend Jimmy and me actually looked at the feasibility of launching an expedition to find the death worm; cryptozoology is a favourite of mine. mm, let me see, before please.
  9. mm, clowns?
  10. I think it a crying shame as I love my pubs (really, I hear you ask? Merc, in a pub, drinking beer? Perish the thought!) but the fault is squarely with the brewery chains who tie landlords and tenants into expensive rents and prices. It's curious, however, that of the two 'free houses' in Bedlington ( The Lion and the Northumberland) one is the cheapest, the other among the most expensive. I simply cannot beat £1.65 for a beautiful pint of locally brewed ale at the Lion...
  11. OK, seeing as nobody else has had a crack I'm going to take a guess: is it Pierrot?
  12. I have an idea about this one, but it needs a little more thinking about........
  13. I'm going to need that passport renewed. Viv Stanshall was a true star, an utter madman. Sadly missed. Love the story of his trip to the tailors with Keith Moon.
  14. Hang on, Keith checked out years ago? We're communicating with the dead?
  15. Ok, i'll go for the fame and glory! The connection is Tubular Bells, which they have both 'narrated'.
  16. You can do so if you wish! I happen to think there'll be a couple of others who may get this.....
  17. Too easy mate; shall I keep it to myself for now?
  18. gee thanks Keith, what a great prize! When do i fly (literally)??/ Look forward to the next time-wasting instalment.......
  19. Wait! HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO BLIND! (forgive the pun). The eye patch, Steve, the damned eye patch! It's so bloody obvious! One eyed characters! I demand a refund! Or a prize! A pint will do!
  20. or maybe not......"sigh"
  21. I am now thinking I'm DEFINITELY on the right lines here: 'I thought you were dead' was a line uttered to Plissken repeatedly in Escape from New York, and I believe it was a homage to a similar line given to a John Wayne character.......please put me out of my misery!
  22. You are an infuriating man, Keith, and the Himalayas are not far enough. Have they all played peopl who were meant to be dead?
  23. if it's that simple I shall call by your house and berate you
  24. It's bloody snakes! I don't believe you!
  25. That's utter genius. I shall use those words later on in the Lion......
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