mercuryg

I heard about the van getting hit; hope they find them!

The title of this thread has me thinking of another film that could be made........

Greetings all; you may or may not know of my plans to make a blockbuster movie in Bedlington, inspired by Table 25 in the Red Lion. I am expecting Mr Lockey's help, which I am sure will be forthcoming when the decorators have finished embellishing his palatial abode on Terrier Close. You will be pleased to here that the script is developing nicely; following is the first scene, which sets the mood of mystery, intrigue, bawdiness and upcoming terror; feel free to comment on, add to, or follow with scene two should you wish. Table 25: Act One The scene: The Red Lion, Bedlington, New Year's Day circa 1870 (for the benefit of the reader, the tale is one of time travel and the apocalypse); among the usual scenes of revelry, drunkenness and general misbehaviour, a strange looking gentleman with glasses and grey hair ambles up to the bar. Strange Looking Gentleman (SLG): "Greetings, buxom serving wench! A flagon of your finest ale, if you would, verily.†(Victorians, it should be noted, say 'verily' a lot, for no apparent reason. Just as it is commonplace, in westerns, for Lee van Cleef to shoot someone, for no apparent reason.) Buxom Serving Wench (BSW): "Of course sir, and would there be anything else?†SLG: "Aah, let me see, yes, a camel.†BSW: "No problem, sir, would that be one hump, or two?†(The above is actually an old joke about Harrods, which has absolutely no place here, but might raise a laugh among the impending doom.) SLG: "As you mention it, wench, one hump would be nice, two even nicer! Hah!†BSW: (handing SLG foaming flagon of ale) "Ooh, naughty sir! Don't worry, I get it all the time!†SLG: "I have no doubt you do, verily!†(SLG returns to his chosen table – the mystical Table 25 – only to find it occupied by a cluster of young ne'er do wells. He ponders the situation, and calmly sits down among them.) SLG: (Swigs his ale, turns to young scruff next to him) "Verily, young man, you do know that this mysterious and hallowed table is a portal to another dimension? All one need do is utter the secret magic incantation, and a wormhole to another world opens.†Young Scruff: "Verily, Chaps, we have none other than a nutter here; let us avail ourselves of ye olde banditte in the corner.†SLG, as per his wishes, is left alone......... I believe it has the makings of a classic.

Why does Edward Woodward have four d's in his name? Because if he didn't we'd have to call him - everyone - 'ewa woowar'. It's funny, really. Honest.

I saw said cloud, too, and thought, that's a nice cloud, that is.

God, There are certain rules of etiquette when communicating in the digital world. It is very rude to shout. Please keep your booming from the heavens to a minimum, and drop the bold, OK?

Plan 9 From Outer Space - utter genius!

It's great to have such exalted members here. First me, and now God.

I'm a big fan, as it happens, of the Mongolian Death Worm.

Just because you haven't been abducted and probed doesn'tmean you can take the mickey! I have an interest in the unusual, and find some of the complete crackpots who simply won't look at the logical explanation fascinating. One post, for example, featured a picture of what was clearly a kite over the sea. Mr T Wood, however, immediately posts: 'looks like an inter-dimensional craft; anyone got a better suggestion?' or such like. It's fun ridiculing them.

I like this one - http://www.uk-ufo.co.uk/ - have a look at some of the replies from 'T. Wood'.

I am a frequent visitor to a UFO forum (yes, yes, I know, but I have an interest in these things) and am quite certain that one regular contributor there would tell you, quite seriously, that you have been visited by inter-dimensional beings.

Happy Birthday Keith; Kylie says she'll be over for tea.

Indeed; while Keith has been fine tuning the script I have been scouting for locations. And sampling the beer in said locations. (Nice pint of Grainger Ale at the Red Lion; That's another free pint please, Mark the Manager).

Very true! In fact, a friend of mine spent a day on set, on account of the fact he rented a skip to them for one scene and they thought they might need his advice! (true story.......)

And wrote some quite stunning songs.....

Shouldn't this thread be 'Black Eyes Bedlington'?

I gave up the pixie bit years ago, it was becoming so old hat. I now imbibe in several pints of Hobgoblin (now a permanent fixture at the Red Lion, note, and well worth a try (that plug cost you a pint, Mark the Manager)) and ride naked down the street on a unicycle.

No problem; there's a two quid sub.

There is something in this; see, Table 25, I am convinced, is a portal to another dimension. You can tell because, if you are to walk into the Red Lion at around nine o'clock on a weekday morning, it is entirely occupied by beings who are clearly from a different world. These are creatures who can indulge in strong lager, real ale and double brandies from 9am, and still be there at three. Then, in an instant, they're gone, just like that. Believe me, I've witnessed it. It is remarkable.

Keith, I would prefer someone more distinguished; I have been told I bear a striking resemblance to both Richard Gere and Charles Hawtrey.

Well Keith, you are quite right, but I must confess to having had to use a garden spade rather than a trowel. I have three tunnels on the go:'Tom' connects the Lion to the Wharton, and is quite advanced; 'Dick' is the planned route from the Lion to the Blue Bell, but may have to be abandoned as we are not sure if there is any beer in the 'Bell, and 'Harry' is a complex system that will hopefully link the Sun Inn, Market Tavern and Grapes to my headquarters at Table 25, the Red Lion. It's dirty work, but someone's got to do it.

So, this Jupiter, it's a God, right, up there in the sky?

Ryan! As in Saving Private, Von's Express, and Daughter.

Monroe?