Brian Cross

Is this a load of crap or a done deal

Sighted on a golf course in (guess where) Aust

I don't mind a Bud light occasionally

Sure Merlin have you got access to copious amounts of goat droppings preferably Greek mountain goats

The Black Bra (as told by a woman) I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years. We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door Wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.. Here's how it all went. My engaged friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long. The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and Mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night. Then I had to share my story: When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra, Black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. When he came in the door and saw me he said, (you are going to love this.....) "What's for dinner, Zorro?"

OK You have got me Merlin, I once found an old secret Greek recipe on how to ferment Goat droppings and and the age of the brew before you consume it if you follow the directions its absolutely disgusting :whistle:

Fosters tastes like fermented goat droppings

Well said 4G

I am with you on this one Vic, what is wrong with what sounds like an aggressive new style business for Bedlington, and where is the problem in a 0500 start if you get a job..........Breakfasts at 0700 Great.

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy. The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?" Donald frowned and said, "No." Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex. "Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested. So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms. "Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald. The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put them on your bill?" "Thit No!" Donald quacked, "I'll thuffocate!"

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Barbara Moore stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Dave, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Dave must have experienced. "Dave was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Dave's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Dave. "Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Dave is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Dave Moore." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."

I'm in will you send a free bus ? :dribble:

Well said Pete, I am British and i live on the other side of the water.

John, a lifelong white raicist living in the East End of London is in a major car crash. When he comes round 3 days later in hospital the surgeon says: "I've got good news and bad news.....Bad news is you have had 2 pints of African blood and 2 pints of Pakistani blood" John screams "What the !*!@# is the good news then?" "Your penis is 6" longer and you are top of the housing list"

This is an outrageously Australian joke! A Northern Territory Station hand radios back to the Station owner. 'Hey Boss, this is Jackie Jack here at the Number three bore - I gotta hell'uva problem here. I hit a pig with the Ute. The pig's OK, but he's stuck in the bull bars at the front of my Ute and is wriggling and squealing so much I can't get him out.' The Station owner says, 'Ok, Jackie Jack there's a ....303Rifle behind the seat. Take it; shoot the pig in the head and then you'll be able to remove him without him moving all over the place and squealing' Five minutes later Jackie Jack calls back, 'I did what you said Boss. Took the 303, shot the pig in the head and removed him from the Bull-bars. No problem there, but I still can't go on'. Now what's the problem?' raged the Station owner. 'Well boss, it's his motorbike. The flashing blue light is stuck on and the bike is still under the right-front wheel arch.' Silence. 'You there Boss?' Booooss, Boooooss!!!!

THE ROOM WAS FULL OF PREGNANT WOMEN WITH THEIR PARTNERS. THE CLASS WAS IN FULL SWING. THE INSTRUCTOR WAS TEACHING THE WOMEN HOW TO BREATH PROPERLY AND WAS TELLING THE MEN HOW TO GIVE THE NECESSARY ASSURANCE TO THEIR PARTNERS AT THIS STAGE OF THE PREGNANCY. SHE SAID "LADIES, REMEMBER THAT EXERCISE IS GOOD FOR YOU. WALKING IS ESPECIALLY BENEFICIAL. IT STRENGTHENS THE PELVIC MUSCLES AND WILL MAKE DELIVERY THAT MUCH EASIER!" JUST TAKE SEVERAL STOPS AND STAY ON A SOFT SURFACE LIKE GRASS OR A PATH. SHE LOOKED AT THE MEN IN THE ROOM, "AND GENTLEMEN, REMEMBER -- YOU'RE IN THIS TOGETHER --- IT WOULDN'T HURT YOU TO GO WALKING WITH HER." THE ROOM SUDDENLY GOT VERY QUIET AS THE MEN ABSORBED THIS INFORMATION. THEN A MAN AT THE BACK OF THE ROOM SLOWLY RAISED HIS HAND. "YES?" ANSWERED THE TEACHER. "I WAS JUST WONDERING. IS IT ALL RIGHT IF SHE CARRIES A GOLF BAG WHILE WE WALK?"

A stark naked, drunken Australian woman, jumped into a vacant taxi in down town New Delhi. The Indian driver was immediately beside himself and just kept on staring at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab. "What's wrong with you mate, haven't you ever seen a naked white woman before?†"I'll not be staring at you lady, I am telling you that would not be proper where I am coming from". "Well if you're not bloody staring at me mate, what are you doing then?" "Well, I am telling you, I am thinking to myself where is this lady keeping the money to be paying me with."

When i am home i love a pint in the tavern, come to think of it i love pint anywhere i was in Auckland NZ on the weekend and i sampled a pint or two the Steinlager is excellent.

Something i dont understand is apparently all the countries of the world are broke (except China) where is all the money being borrowed from to bolster economies .........

A golfer is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn on the St Andrews course. A groundskeeper shouts: 'Dinnae drink tha waater! Et's foo ae coo's !*!@# an pish!' The golfer replies: 'My Good fellow, I'm from England. Could you repeat that for me, in English!?' The groundskeeper replies: 'I said, use two hands - you'll spill less that way!'

Feral cats are an ecological disaster in some parts of Aust. I remember the army was sent into an area that was infested with these animals and they shot 900 cats in an unbelievably small area possibly 2 sq miles, i am sure its not the animals fault but its humans dumping kittens in the bush where they go wild to survive.

Who is this Diana Pete is she a sporting sort of girl .........all oiled up and all

do you think it would be O.K to use your own shotgun on the safari Merlin

Ta Mal that's now very clear to me :blink:

Thats it Pete broon ale will do it all the time.