Malcolm Robinson

I could put up the frontal views but they are even worse!

When to cancel the wife's gym membership! Did it work??????????

An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit. "How many children?" asks the council worker. "Ten" replies the Essex girl. "Ten?" says the council worker. "What are their names?" "Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, and Wayne" "Doesn't that get confusing?" "Naah..." says the Essex girl, "it's great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..." "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker. "That's easy," says the Essex girl... "I just use their surnames" (I was going to sub Ashington for Essex but.....................)

After having their 11th child, a Liverpool couple decided that was enough, as the social wouldn't buy them a bigger bed and they weren't strong enough to nick one. The husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Scouser said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." "Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor. So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand. This procedure also works in Middlesbrough, Manchester, parts of Bradford and anywhere in Wales.

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"

[ How do you confuse a man? You don't have to - they're born that way How do you confuse a woman? Put three shovels against the wall and tell her to take her pick! Boom Boom!

As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, really really embarrassed, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. About this time, a large bricky who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" The bricky smiled and said, "Well, miss,I know what you mean but, after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we were friends."

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their "tourist" garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous" blonde in a topless bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them she smiled and said "Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them! Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different colored topless bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, said "Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father," and started to walk away. One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, "Just a minute, young lady." "Yes, Father?" "We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?" She replied, "Father, it's me, Sister Margaret."

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants. The iBreast will cost £499 to £599. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors" he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."

A guy sitting at a bar at Heathrow Terminal 3 noticed a really beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself: "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be an off duty flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?" Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and uttered the Delta slogan: "Love to fly and it shows?" She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself: "Damn, she doesn't work for Delta." A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again, "Something special in the air?" She gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself, and scratched Singapore Airlines off the list. Next he tried the Thai Airways slogan: "Smooth as Silk." This time the woman turned on him "What the F*** do you want?" The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, and said "Ahhhh, Ryan air!!!

Merlin, A "Town council" is formed in the same way a Parish council is formed but with a town council you get to have a Mayor. It is really a simple process which needs something like 200 signatures to get started. That is not a problem and could easily be initiated! The problem is that the council in whose district they operate have to agree[ to the powers they hand over and in WDC's case that will mean keeping bus shelters and public toilets clean! They also have to be self funding so that would be another drain onto "ratepayers!" Some years ago I looked at it quite closely but what you got for what you have to pay it's a no brainer! I know some people are still trying to promote a parish council for the town but unless and until it had real decision making powers it will always be just another layer of funded local Gov, and about as effective! Two councils in the country effectively banned parish councils operating in their district by not giving them any autonomy and so making them so impotent they would be valueless, one was North Tyneside, the other ���.I wonder! My preferred route was to support an elected NE Regional Assembly which could lobby for the whole area and provide a blueprint for development, underneath a county authority which could dispense services such as Education, emergency, health etc and more local authorities like parish or town councils but with real decision making powers for their locality. That would get rid of the problem, the likes of Ashington councillors and Newbbiggin councillors making decisions about what happens in Bedlington where they have neither business nor morality to be! Someone should be presenting people with options now, given the shake up in local Gov about to take place, or will it be the case once again the electorate will be told what they are about to get once it becomes a "fait accompli!" Public consultation, publicly conned more like! As for doing something proactive, like standing up and taking these people on, I am afraid these days I am relegated to being just another "!*!@# ", passing sarcastic remarks and laughing when someone falls down!

It could happen Merlin and it could happen quite soon! Given the changes which will soon come into play in local gov Bedders could declare itself a "Town Council" and elect a mayor. Personally I would only support such a move if WDC transferred all decision making powers to it and it had real autonomy. Anything else and you will end up paying more and more "rates" for the same services!

Dad's army, Dinner ladies, Faulty Towers, Peter Kay, Frasier, Will & Grace, For me it is more about the writing and delivery than the slap stick. I never "got" Red Dwarf and I don't "get" Hyperdrive, Little Britain or the Simpsons.

GGG, I think that is what has held Bedlington back for far too long and one of the reasons I would like to see no "party" references on local ballot papers! Every local councillor should be an "independent" and not tied to party lines, they are elected to serve the whole of their constituency and not promulgate their own party's indulgences and support. At national level things, I accept, are different but locally a person's political persuasions have no bearing as to how quick they can get the road done or Mrs Bloggs roof fixed! That might be a bit naive cos it looks very much that if you are not in the ruling party's gang you get very little done but it shouldn't be that way and opposition councillors have to take their share of the blame for letting it happen! WDC has been stuck in a one party occupation for far too long and it has stifled any worthwhile development in Bedlington. Given a level playing field Bedlington has more natural resources, more natural assets and more economic development potential than anywhere else in the district, ahhhh, but the notorious "smoke filled rooms" in Ashington say NO, any economic regeneration has to be there! There looks to be an interesting "power play" at the moment with WDC announcing a million squid for Bedders just before the last local election and with Lab having lost the Bedlington central councillors they had WDC look to be trying to back peddle on that commitment!

Strictly speaking it wasn't the council who got the new seats and bins on Front Street it was a community group though a "heritage" bid! Maybe forming a "community group" whose sole intent is to build Merlin's wall might produce better and quicker results! Passport controls could easily be introduced at Stakeford Bridge, Plessey, Bebside and Nedderton and genetic checks made for quislings!

I thought the nuclear station was planned up near Duridge? If so the intelligencia of Ashington would be first in line for jobs?

: For those not into this history, an update lol Interesting read, thanks Richard.

Don't get me started on the Xmas lights! I presume you used the same "pen name" on the old site, if so I used the estate agent you recommended on it and had very good service just as you had said, so thanks!

Thanks for the pics but it is really the 1960's I need, it is to do with the latest THI bid but why they want them from then I don't quite know? Question: In Cympil's latest set the "Nail" has steps leading up to the platform, why? I always thought it was just "statue" type errection( now now Denzil!) but obviousley there must have been some sort of "use" where access was needed?

I think we should be greatful to have mods who take a "balanced" view on postings, I can show another forum which deletes/edits anything they think is off message, and especially when they take the trouble to post their reasons.

Thanks Cympil looks like a couple in there will do the business.

Anyone have or know where I can find pics of the Front Street in the 60's?

It had a couple of fires in the 80's early 90's. One when Rocky had the place.

You brought a tear to my eye Joe, you have exactly the same condidtion my "Old Man" had so I can symphasis with your family. As others have said you have many friends on this site, your integrety shines through in your contributions. Best of luck....