Malcolm Robinson

Stig of the dump.

There is a dangerous virus being passed around electronically, orally and by hand. This virus is called Weary-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss, or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK, put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest grocery store. Purchase the antidote known as; Work-Isolating-Neutralizer-Extract (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Elimination-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected

So am I if this works! score.bmp

Thanks Mr D. Thanks monsta, but did we really need your later posting?

So am I but once again we see one law for the millionaires............. Even when they do get "done" just say you lost your memory and get released.....

Good gad Sir, looking at the last posts seems Denzil is back with a vengence!

Beef, is that what it is............I thought it was soya styrafoam!

Sussing, frussing, cussing, how did you save that bit of the page?

Best now 35 but how did you save the screen Mr D?

Keep going Cym, my best is 39.

Not a joke but it whiles away the minutes! http://www.ibogleif.dk/spil/flashspil/minigolf/minigolf.swf

Happy birthday Ex B. Hope you have got everything the way you want it now, I know how long it takes!

I registered with Skype a couple of years ago but have hardly used it, why, because the “free” call package I get with my broadband connection makes it unnecessary and the people I want to talk to don’t have to be Skype registered. If you are sitting in front of a computer all day working that may well be a different matter of course. Isn’t it true that Skype didn’t attract the numbers it hoped for at its launch and roll out? Having said that I can see a mobile “free” service attracting more take up, it had to come once the web was available to mobiles, but it will be a race like VHS and Betamax was because the providers paid something like 26 billion and want to see their profits protected.

Might be a good idea to change them all coz there has been a bunch of comedians at the helm for ages now! You see the PM begging to get a seat on the sofa on GMTV and comedians making sense on Question time! Not only that the comedians, along with the media, have been the only real opposition to the last few governments. To cap it all PMQ's and Westminster in general have decended into comedy stand up central!

What or who is a "minor royal"? I knew a few royal miners...............

One night, after a couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner. He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist. He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and the returned to do the same to her right thigh. By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed. "Why are you stopping darling?" she whispered. He whispered back, " I found the remote!"

So what design are you building Brian?

There are school crossing lights on Ridge Terrace?

I bet you tell the kids the tooth fairy doesn't really leave money under their pillow! The rule of nine always meant something else to me......you use it to set tappets on OHV engines. It is still a pretty cool take on an old theme!

Check this out, but how on earth it works????????? http://www.milaadesign.com/wizardy.html

Is it some sort of wifi router or aerial? If Ashington has more than Bedders it cannot be something mundane like virgins!!!!

Never liked the cryptic crosswords! Need a bit more to go on GGG.

A tourist visiting a far away country in the heart of god knows where walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, a Police Sergeant walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll take a Traffic Patrol monkey please." The shopkeeper nodded, went over to the cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fit it with a collar and leash, handed it to the officer saying, "That'll be £5,000 please Sergeant" The Sergeant paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred pounds. Why did it cost so much?" The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey is a qualified breath test operator, can write twenty tickets a week, can deploy Stinger at a moments notice, knows all there is to know on traffic legislation and is authorised by the Chief of Police in pursuit driving - well worth the money." The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That ones even more expensive! £10,000! What does it do?" "Oh, that ones a firearms training monkey , it can instruct other monkeys in Basic Firearms Skills, Counter Terrorism Training, Physical Training, Small Unit Tactics and investigative techniques, and even type. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper. The tourist turned and saw another monkey, with the price tag of £15,000. "That one must be even better? What does it do?" That one is a general duties monkey, he is required to know everything about anything, be there yesterday, and then duplicate the information 12 times before tomorrow, relay the same information to 20 different departments, write reports about everything that the old monkeys cant see anymore, be in 5 different places at once, get yelled at by everyone who passes by, and takes the blame for everything all the other monkeys do wrong." The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a fourth monkey in a cage of it's own. The price tag around its neck read £50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?" The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything yet, but it says it's a Detective!"

Lawyers should never ask grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand. He approached her and asked; "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes I know him." The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said: "If either of you f#??*@! asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."