Malcolm Robinson

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third everything had just been reduced to a fiver when her mobile phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible. As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the shops. She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital. She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful coffee slice complimentary from the last shop. She was jubilant. Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty, she dashed to the hospital. She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her Husband's condition. The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, "You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will be more than likely the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round the clock care. And you'll now be his carer!" The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed. The doctor then chuckled and said, "I'm just pulling your leg. He's dead. What'd you buy?"

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty. The Father said, "Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer husband 2 years ago?" She replied, "Aye, that ye did, Father." The Father asked, "And be there any wee ones yet?" She replied, "No, not yet, Father." The Father said, "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer husband." She replied, "Oh, thank ye, Father." They parted ways. Some years later they met again. The Father asked, "Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?" She replied, "Oh, very well, Father!" The Father asked, "And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?" She replied, "Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in all!" The Father said, "That's wonderful!" How is yer loving husband doing?" She replied, "E's gone to Rome to blow out yer !*!@# ' candle."

A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an Englishman on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives. 'Last night I made love to my wife four times,' the Frenchman bragged, 'and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me.' 'Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times,' the Italian responded, 'and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man.' When the Englishman remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, 'And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?' 'Once,' he replied. 'Only once?' the Italian arrogantly snorted. 'And what did she say to you this morning?' 'Don't stop.'

One day George W. Bush and !*!@# Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says, 'Honey, can I have a quickie?' The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about women's rights and storms away. Cheney then says to Bush, 'George, it is pronounced 'quiche'.

"Northern Rock Foundation Reassures Grant Holders Following the crisis at Northern Rock, the Northern Rock Foundation have issued a statement on their website to reassure grant holders. It states that the Foundation "is fully able to meet all its existing commitments" and that "grant payments will be made as scheduled." Foundation Director, Fiona Ellis, said: "Those who founded Northern Rock Foundation were determined that, whatever else might change in the world, the name of the Foundation and its ability to work for the benefit of the North East would continue. That is why they arranged for the Foundation to own 74,333,500 shares in Northern Rock plc. "In the event of a wind up of the company or in other circumstances detailed in the Foundation's articles of association, these shares may be converted and sold on the open market for reinvestment. There is a summary of this position in our annual accounts which are publicly available. "While we are grateful for the concern of those in the sector about the foundation, the Trustees are confident that even with the slight predicted decrease in the 2007 profits of the plc, they have sufficient reserve to carry on with business much as usual." Meanwhile the Journal has launched a campaign to support the Northern Rock, highlighting the £175m given to charities in the region over the past ten years. However, some readers question why they should support a bank that has taken such big risks and while the management are not taking responsibility for the crisis. " Source: Vonne E-Bulletin

Informative and concise, knew you could do it monsta!!!!

http://www.koreus.com/animation/bruno-bozz...ope-italie.html

Try this clip...... http://www.koreus.com/files/200505/men-in-coats.html

"On the other hand you think the "charitable" contributions are redeeming, and I think that their real (and legal) duty was to their customers and shareholders, and not the self glorification of the "great and good" on the Northern Rock board. This, ultimately, at someone else's expense." At the end of the day GGG they didn't HAVE to put one penny into any local projects and I presume the dividends would have been larger for the shareholders if they hadn't.

A fellow checked into a hotel on a business trip recently and was a bit lonely so he thought he'd get one of those girls you see advertised in the phone books under "Escorts and Massages". He opened the phone book to an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair; long graceful legs all the way up. You know the kind. So he is in his room and figures, what the hell, he gave her a call. "Hello?" A woman answers. God she sounded sexy! "Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I 'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night. Tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in chocolate syrup and whip cream, anything you want baby. Now, how does that sound?" She says, "That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press 9".

A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. 'You know what?', says the 7 year old, 'I think it's about time we started swearing. The 4 year old nods his head in approval. 'When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?' 'Ok' the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast. 'Oh, !*!@# mum, I guess I'll have some Coco Pops ' WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out. She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice, 'And what do you want for breakfast,young man? 'I don't know,' he blubbers, 'but it won't be !*!@# Coco Pops'

Little Red Riding Hood is going to visit her grandmother and is walking along the path through the forest when all of a sudden she stops near a big tree and says "Mr Wolf, come out from behind that tree." The wolf jumps out from behind the tree, quite annoyed and asks "How did you know I was there?" "Easy peasy Mr Wolf" says Little Red Riding Hood "I saw your big bushy tail sticking out the side of the tree." "Oh you are a real little clever clogs." says the wolf and stomps off into the forest. Little Red Riding Hood continues on along the path for a while and then stops again when she sees a big rock. "Come out from behind the big rock Mr Wolf" she says. "How did you know I was there this time, I kept my tail well tucked in?" asks the now visibly angry wolf. "Simple" says Little Red Riding Hood " I saw your big grey ears sticking out over the top of the rock." " You are a right little smart ar*e" growls the wolf as he runs off into the forest again. Little Red Riding Hood carries on along the path until she spies a great big cave, she stops and says "Mr Wolf, this is getting too much, come out of the cave, I know you are in there." The wolf, absolutely livid, comes out and screams at her "OK, Ok, you blo*dy little know-it all bitch, how did you know this time, it was too dark to see me, my ears or my tail?" " It was your eyes" she replied "I could see them glowing in the dark, nothing complicated." "Just who are you anyway?" asks the wolf. "I'm Little Red Red Hood and I am going to visit my grandmother." she tells him. "Well" says the wolf "Would you !*!@# off to your grandmothers house and let me have a !*!@# in peace!"

Don't know if I totally agree GGG, although I also closed my accounts there when I saw first hand their shoddy business tactics! Let us not forget just how much they have pumped into local communities by way of their charitable foundation. That must run into many millions? I know it was just a tax dodge for them but at the same time.........

Had to read that twice, derrrr............

English Heritage have put together 315,000 images, wade through the gravestones and see what is in for Bedders. http://www.imagesofengland.org.uk/ I would have thought Front Street would have more seeing as it is a conservation area.

Having just read the last few pages on this thread, the first few were filled with so much speculation as to be ranting and speculation in these sorts of cases is always worrying as almost no one knows enough of the facts to justify even a speculative conclusion, I think you need a physiatrist Mongo!

Hmmm............. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/money/main.jhtm...MC-mcn_27092007

Bedlington is in line to get nearly 1.2 million spent on and around Front street, fingers crossed that is! Many years ago when ASDA was looking for a site in the area Bedders was on the short list but WDC effectivley blocked it. Didn't stop them building the one at Ashington to bring customers into the town!

Looks like we are going to see one of monsta’s mates take it over, Johnny foreigner, so another NE institution bites the dust! Who the hell is this wine dealer looking at it, there must be shed loads of dosh in bottles of plonk! Real shame about the dividend!!!!!!!!!

As I said............. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/money/main.jhtm...MC-mcn_25092007

Don't think I would at the moment Merlin seeing as it has been turned down by half a dozen other banks as a white knight takeover.

So what's going to happen with the "market"? Front Street maybe?

A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the FA Cup Final from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium. About halfway through the first half, Bob notices an empty seat 5 rows off the pitch right on the halfway line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down, he asks the elderly gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man says no. Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Cup Final and not use it?" The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married in 1962." "Well, that's really sad," says Bob, "but still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?" "No," the man replies, "they're all at the funeral."