Malcolm Robinson

You don't know the half merc!

The following questions were set in last year's GED examination These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds) Q. Name the four seasons. A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar Q. How is dew formed? A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire. Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on? A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed. Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections? A.. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election. Q. What are steroids? A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope) Q. What happens to your body as you age? A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. (So true) Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A. Premature death. Q. What is artificial insemination? A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. Q. How can you delay milk turning sour? A. Keep it in the cow. (Simple, but brilliant) Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized? (e.g. The abdomen) A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U Q. What is the fibula? A. A small lie. Q. What does 'varicose' mean? A. Nearby. Q. What is the most common form of birth control? A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. (That would work) Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'. A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome. Q. What is a seizure? A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit) Q. What is a terminal illness? A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable) Q. What does the word 'benign' mean? A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight. (brilliant) Q. What is a turbine? A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head. Once a Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head. (now we're getting somewhere)

My mate Paddy rang me and said he's just got this bargain coat from House of Frazer. Originally it was £400 but he got it for just £25. He said it was supposed to be slightly imperfect but he's had a look all over and the only thing he can find is one sleeve slightly longer than the other two!

Im starting to take this drink driving thing seriously now . Left the car in the pub car park last night & took the bus home. Quite proud of myself really I've never driven a bus before.

Just watched the Lance Armstrong interview. He lied to us so much and for so long I'm starting to doubt he landed on the moon at all.

People should lay off Lance Armstrong I think what he achieved was amazing... When I was on drugs I couldn't even find my bike!

http://www.itv.com/news/tyne-tees/update/2014-07-16/47-people-from-our-region-have-been-arrested-for-suspected-paedophilia/

Go to Facebook and 'like' the new Bedlington in Bloom page so we can show the judges how much support there is for this in our Town!

Well that sounds like fighting talk Merc!

Thats the problem Eggy and Northumberland Tourism should be taken to task for allowing it on their site!

This ain't good! http://online.wsj.com/articles/espirito-santo-financial-group-suspends-trading-in-own-shares-1404985316

Nice.........

NPL .. http://www.newspostleader.co.uk/news/local/council-staff-set-to-strike-over-wages-dispute-1-6719450?utm_medium=twitter&utm_source=twitterfeed

Just the first to mention it.... http://www.northumberlandgazette.co.uk/news/local-news/thursday-s-strike-to-impact-northumberland-1-6717325

Bet Ya laugh!

Thats what we are looking at Maggie!

http://www.ilivehere.co.uk/category/worst-places-to-live-in-north-east-england/northumberland

Vic, Looks to be down to pathetic footfall figures! Can't disagree! She uses social media to advertise and was going great guns, well for Bedlington that is. Even talking about expanding her offer. This one really is a nail! Specialist retailer, contemporary media aware, expanding business, bringing strangers into town, if I was working for any other Town I would have tried to poach her!

Seems abooot right to me............ http://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/dozens-towns-north-east-ridiculed-5583658

Damm, she uses modern promotional techniques very well. Had hoped she would show a lot of the rest the way!

Close enough!

Is it really no cycling? One of the Development Trust directors is looking at putting together a possible cycling event in Bedlington soon. There will proabably be two 'routes, one for families and the other for the more earnest cyclists.

Plus probably the site of our new County Hall headquarters.

Some of us say it too Dave!

See poster..... Poster (1).pdf