keith lockey

Call girls....wads of cash....when do I start?

I haven't got the stomach for that, Brian.

Someone mention giant cat?

Do we get to march on Poland, Symptoms....oh sorry, we don't need to, most of them are already here. Oh, and Adam, me! Prime Minister! What about His Highness With Special Benefits of Travelling abroad and Annoying Foreigners, I don't mind down-grading to Buck Palace from my semi! As long as I can turn all the lights off around Pall Mall so I can look at Uranus Horribilus.

Damn!!!! You're right, I sent you the wrong photo. Keith 1 (Or Cherry Delight as he likes to be called when he dresses up) will be livid. I guess he'll have to punish me again, but he likes wearing his dominatrix gear so he'll not mind. I tell you what, let's pretend this conversation never happened, I mean no one reads these birthday wishes anyway and Cherry Delight...er...Keith 1...won't be logging on...phew...I think I've got out of that.

We should have a vote of no confidence in ALL the parties, honest, the British people are in danger of becoming sheepul not people. Some just vote because they know or feel they have to. What if we said bollocks to all of them, and ostracise the lot.

Would that be Geordie L, Keith?

Happy birthday, Malcolm, I've booked your strip-o-gram...

I know Picnic Day had it's fair share of fights but was anyone ever seriously hurt on any of the shows in all the years it ran? I mean people falling off the big dipper or flung out of the waltzer? Because I can't recall any accidents.

Bedlington always got a bad reputation due to the Shows and The Domino / Lucifer's / et al. It became a battle ground, even I can remember that from the 70's onward. People from all over would converge on our rural pastures on Picnic Day and at the weekends and fights were the order of the day (or night). The newspapers (especially the Blyth News) were always spouting that fights broke out once more in BEDLINGTON on Picnic Day or that the only nightclub in the area - at BEDLINGTON - was the scene, once more, of drunken billigerence. What got me was it was mostly the outsiders battling with other outsiders - Bedlington was just the scene of the crime. Now I'm not saying we didn't indulge in the odd bout of fisticuffs or that we didn't defend our hallowed ground, our sacred soil, but I always thought it was unfair of the press to suggest that we Bedlingtonians were the culprits on every occasion. I wonder if that is why they closed down Lucy's and shipped Picnic Day to that place that shall not be mentioned.

She gets my vote, Malcolm. (Please don't say she's a Ladyboy!)

Naked women politicians who like travelling!!!!

I never saw that at 20 acres but I did see it at the Town Moor. There was this wiry old bloke stripped to the waist and I thought he doesn't look much....until I saw him in action. Looks are deceiving, that's all I'll say.

I'm honoured to be mentioned in the same sentence as Sir Patrick, thank you, Maggie, he was one of my heroes.

I'll second astronomy.

TOO LATE!!! Actually, I do that first thing in the morning and last thing at night - just to get the kinks out. That one is known as the Bend Over Backwards position, another one I do is the Head Down The Loo - normally after two bottles of dry white and a bottle of Irish meadow.

I used to go out with a girl who worked on the shows. She took me for a ride. (Hee Hee.)

I've got Avast on mine, Threegee. It is good and it is free. I would recommend it.

The annoying thing is - I had Norton on!! I was going through the procedure of installing ITunes, you know the format...next, click...next...click...do you agree to terms...yes...click, and this Delta Search box came up with the procedures. I automatically pressed next...click...too late. I thought it was part of the installation procedure and didn't notice until I clicked the button. VERY ANNOYING!!!

Update on Delta Search 'virus'. I had to take the computer back to it's factory condition and reinstall everything. It didn't take as long as I expected but boy was I annoyed.

Keith, there was a Barry Darling at the Woody School in my bro's class. I think he had two sisters, Christine? and ????. My mam knew their mother from the Glove Factory at Barrington - I think. I'll get back to you on that.

Talking of great women, take a look at this lady. I came across her story in a National Geographic DVD. She was awesome! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gertrude_Bell

I WANT ONE

Malcolm, FIRST CHOICE computers at Blyth sometimes has some cheap computers in. It is well worth a look see.

Right Merc', I've just secured your prize for you after guessing Pontius Pilate correctly, so get ready for the opportunity of a lifetime. I thought we would go for the Biblical Ben Hur theme and so I've entered you into the Old Testament Triathalon. (OTT) There will be three events; the chariot race; the walking on water event and the Red Sea 200 miles dash. The first one is easy peasy; you will race against a team of three other charioteers and go five laps around the Circus Maximus for the coveted prize of a camping trip in the Gaza strip. I have enclosed a picture of your horses and chariot. The walking on water will be held on the Nile…there may be a bit of a problem with crocodiles but I'm sure you'll adapt. (I would suggest a Hop, skip and jump technique.) The last event is running from one bank of the Red Sea to the other…before the waters fall back again. (What are you like at sprinting 200 miles in under a minute?) Now don't worry, Merc', Team Bedlington will be right behind you…about five thousand miles behind you to be honest, but you will be in our thoughts until opening time at the Red Lion, at least. So good luck and always look on the bright side of life.