Mr Darn

Only one dog going to Bedlington, the others are going the other way.

Yup colonel!

and the sister that was married was the one with the wedding ring on her finger, you mucky lot!

People are animals 2

True, but i meant non humans.

36 pets + 18 people + 1 dog = 55?

dont sound like any are married. Maybe the one who bites chunks

Nope!

just how many animals, not people...

Heres a math one for you...

A man walking his dog on the road to, erm, Bedlington (hehe! see what i did there?) Meets a woman. this woman had seven (7) daughters traveling with her, whom had three (3) brothers, who had 2 sons each (the brothers did) These sons were also traveling with the group. each of the group had 2 pets each with them. three (3) of the daughters had ice creams, one was licking it slowly, the second biting chunks out, and the third ate hers in one mouthful.

Now, 1,How many Animals were traveling to Bedlington in that group?

And 2, which one of the three daughters eating ice-cream was married?

Correct! Are these too easy?

Ok,another one...

Two mothers and two daughters go to a pet shop and buy three cats.Each female gets her own cat.

How is this possible?

The Perrys are greedy and a bunch of bully's. End of.

Never said they were or wernt, but surely you cant tar every perry with that brush... i know of one or two at least that are good people

You are lost in a forest.The forest is between two villages.In village "A" live only liars-they always lie. In village "B",people always tell the truth.You want to go to village "B".Then you see a man from village A or B.You can ask him only one question.

Which question will you ask him to know for sure where village B is?

"Hello there you fine young fellow, i was wondering if you could tell me... Which way is your village?"

Its wierd, i always seem to be coming to the defence of the perrys these days!

I just wanted to add, since i had a few years at the club myself, that the club must have cost a fortune to keep running. The bar never did 'make' alot of money, even the bar turnover was reasonable, to keep the punters it had to be cheap!

The money taken from the gate served to pay for the electric used by the lights, and the players wages, and there was not a lot left after that!

i'm sure the 'profit' made was not nearly enough to cover the renovation of the bar, nor the erection (yes denzel, Erection!) of the stands.

I can say from personal experience, Keith at least Loved the club with all his heart, and funneled a great deal of money into the place to keep it going as long as he did.

As for the rest of bedlington, when i was a kid there was a choice of things to do, between the local youth clubs and just amongst my friends. Where i grew up tho, a big group of kids was considered to be a good thing, as we were all safe, and should an old lady need a hand with something, ie their garden, several of us used to go trowel in hand for no more of a reward than all the pop we could drink and a 20p mix-up! Now, my nephew has resorted to taking his bike apart and putting it back together, as all his friends are on MSN or playing on their PSP's.

My point is, All their is to do for them these days is hang around in bus shelters or stay in their rooms!

My, What a rant! i'll stop now, i need a breath...

Easy guys and galls.... dont get too excited!

i did coz i'm the almighty god

what came first the chicken or the egg

the egg, coz chickens are female.....

then they had a cigarette, coz they live outside...

Whats youe favorite website?

Yip, in the back of the van.

Was good that, any more?

Be happy.

What was the last movie you watched, and what did you think of it?

The Illusionist! and it was better than i thought it would be, that orange tree was fabulous!

Where are you going tommorrow night and why?

Not quite.

The grim, always loving a good old game of chess, agreed that Mongos life would be spared if Mongo won a game with him.

But unfortunatly mongo lost, and so his soul was lost forever.

Now, old grim, on the other hand, was having a right boring time... in an attempt to liven his dull life up, he decided to....

But somehow he survived and walked home , stopping first for a bag of chips for the way

Sencing this had gone way too far into daftland, our lad sat eating his chips and thought about where this story was going...

Once he finnished, he got up, dusted himself down, shook himself and decided....

That's nice. But your rigid evangelistic rules will put people off.

/me plays worlds smallest violin...

Yes, there are 14 bollards!

There's none reflected in the window though. Actually, the 14th is pretty hard to spot. You'd have to compare the two images to find it - thats if anyones bothered!

was it in the back of the van?

Meanwhile, the plumber and the plasterer are relaxing in my house with a coffee and a fag,

Meanwhile, the plumber and the plasterer are relaxing in my house with a coffee and a fag,

Are you having a problem with double posts or are they ment?

Its in the title folks!

i joked about having www,Bedlington.co.uk on my car, but its grown on me!

anything else we can do?

and what will the site owners allow?

I would like to be a bird, they have the freedom to travel anywhere they want and they see places that I will never see. They never pay bills, taxes or water rates.

What is your favorite alcoholic drink and why?

Has to be Black velvet, but the poor mans version! (Guinness and cider)

and i like it because it makes me forget about my life, lets me enjoy myself, and NEVER makes me angry, unlike snakebite, which i become a troublemaker after drinking!

What is your favorite article of clothing?

(this is hard, coz you need to think of a next question as well as an answer!)

...pee taking friends,so i`m not going back till....

...Mr Darn buys me a drink.

So...she'll be away a while! our intrepid hero moves on, and seaks out new life, and new civilisations further up the street at the market cross, where he see's...

14, i never noticed the ones on the legs! that got me looking... is there one reflected in the bottom right window?

Ask anything you want (not hacky) - the next person to post will answer your personal question and then ask another personal question for the next poster.....

Do you have a hobby...if so, what is it?

Fishing! both boat and lake. favorite fish has to be a self caught cod fried the same day! (No, the cod did not catch its self, i mean a cod I have caught!)

Whats your favorite Meal? (and i dont mean multiple choice, breakfast; elevenses; lunch; dinner; tea or supper! i mean what food!)

I reckon they weren't stuck in the first place.

How many bollards can you count!?

First one to guess correctly wins a mars bar!

10

A packet of fags. Er.. tabs even.

Stuff the picnic, Mongo fancied a pint to wash down the tar from the tabs - so off he went to the Market Tavern where he saw...

BLOB!

noooo, not a rubber, Bar Lass Of Bedlington! he asked her why she wasnt coming onto the forum any more, and she said:

Smoking is good for you

Heres one for you:-

whats the crack with home helps and maids?

i mean, they have to enter your home to clean etc, so technically thats their work place, does that mean all these old dears have to go outside? when does it become a workplace? just when the maid is there? or all the time?

what about plumbers etc? does their workplace have to be smoke free too?