Hamburger Pimp

Here's an interesting fact: believe it or not, there are parts of Kaiser Bill's Grand Fleet on the moon!

I'll choose "Not" then.

Stand down the grandchildren, Joe. My mouse is working again!

It seems there was dirty work at the crossroads and my system file had been hacked. The nice people at Microsoft had the solution though.

GIDDY UP!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!

I'll tell you what, it's cold enough to freeze the balls off of a brass monkey.

And that's swearing.

It's bliddy freezing, isn't it?

Welcome aboard, Onilkleymoorbaht. I'd often wondered the same thing vis-a-vis "Tyche".

Quite right too. The council should be doing all it can for those poor unfortunates in their shanty town squalor.

It's a well known fact that every single Bedlington top end !*!@# owns a solid gold house, wipes their bottom on five pound notes and uses their coal bunkers to keep diamonds in.

Our elected officials are doing a sterling job in redistributing the wealth.

"Chianti...Swalnalla...Strattele....Lorna...Brinkburn Priory...The Dirty Bottles. Can you hear me Dirty Bottles? Your boys just took one hell of a beating!"

Or rather, hats off to Hexham for capturing the prestigious Country Life "Best Market Town in Britain 2005" pennant.

Appositely enough, it was around the time the old board went "off the air" that Alnwick last won this award. Was it a boon or a bugbear? Did it change your lives? Or was it just a load of hooey?

"Do you remember the good old days before the ghost town?"

Not my words, the words of Jerry Dammers out of The Specials. Makes you think doesn't it?

Eh?

Steady on Swalnalla, we're not all dockers here, you know.

methinks.

Stout yeoman alert!

Was this problem in any way connected to the Church clock not working correctly?

Yes, tooling up the coppers is obviously the way forward. I can't think of a single recent example where an innocent person has been shot repeatedly through the head by gung-ho bizzies who then lied about it afterwards.

Well, except for that Brazilian lad.

This at the hands of trained specialist firearms officers.

I wouldn't trust the majority of numpties that make up our brave bobbies with anything more than the big stick they carry now.

Not at all. A charming and pleasant time was had by all, telephone numbers were exchanged and a meeting is planned this week for drinks, food and a possible bunk-up.

I joke of course. I simply wandered off, mortal, in search of pizza.

Nice gag, B2ET_M

Surely Mr Darn should be married to Mrs Darn?

The idea of an unmarried couple with the same surname is rather a grisly one. I mean to say, we're not all from Sheepwash, are we?

Oh, and King's fish and chips are very good.

You should have replaced the paper on the pile, then taken the next one down and bought that one.

Cold hard logic, that's the only language that type understand.

Joe, can you get your grandchild to sort my mouse problem?

That operating a computer without a working mouse is a pain.

That I can't fix computers.

That I swear a lot when I get annoyed.

Grrr.

Simply recommend a place that does good food in the local area. Or warn us off a place where the food makes you ill. It's up to you, really.

Wright's Bakery at Bedlington Station.

Their sandwiches are inexpensive and tasty. Their bread is good also. The pies and pasties, however, are nothing to write home about.

There are plenty of bus shelters. Today's kids love bus shelters.

Hello Chianti. Glad all is well with you.

Hmmm... For what may have been a one off instance; you have probably just destroyed their business!

BTW, where exactly is this fish & chip shop?

Opposite the Black Bull, next door to the kebab shop.

I've eaten there before and found their food very toothsome.

Also, without wanting to sound like Clare Short MP, can we refer to "Chinese" food rather than "!*!@# "?

Six bags of sand!

Coupled with the closure of Red Lion, this suggests that the decline of Bedlington's nightlife continues apace.

Hello there!

This is all very nice, isn't it?

Good to see Joe, Chianti and Gary Partis are back. Any more old faces? How is Lorna these days I wonder.