Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them, they said it would be just like winning the lotto! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and to my horror, we had six matching balls! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Napoleon is marching his armies through Europe when up ahead they see a bacon tree. Napoleon orders a full stop and sends out a scouting party to check it out. After hours of waiting no one returns so Napoleon sends another scouting party, double the size, to check out the tree. After several more hours still no one returns so he sends out a third scouting party, this time of a thousand men. Hours later a bloodied and half dead soldier returns and croaks "Napoleon, is not a bacon tree, is a ham bush". ----------------------------------------------------------------------- I swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas today. I can't believe these currant exchange rates. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Halfway through my shift at Boots, a guy came in to pick up some photos of his naked wife. Naturally, I had a little peek as I handed them over. "Would you like the negatives?" I asked. "Yes please," he said sheepishly. I said, "Your wife's a bit fat and looks like Ken Dodd."