A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The handle ," where a small handle is placed on the back of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course, the woman wanted "The handle ." Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the handle , and the effects were wonderful -- the woman remained young looking and vibrant. After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. "All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the handle and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the handle won't get rid of them." The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your tits." She said, "No point asking about the beard then..........." --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son baby shark and they swam to the mass of people. "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did. "Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did. "Now we eat everybody." And they did. When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and Around them?" the father replied, "Because they taste better without the !*!@# inside!"