Denzel

Why thank you for that kind compliment sir!

Do you wish to inform fellow Bedlingtonians of your favourite dogging locations?

Personally I think anyone caught doing a crime (with the exception of speeding) should be shot, no questions asked.

Two lovers entwined passed me by.

Speaking from experience there?!

I take it one does not approve of this particular drinking establishment?

Sorry, but I must point out that your comment is wholly inaccurate. I have never had recourse to use Anusol or any proprietary brand of haemorrhoid cream. Indeed, my balloon knot is in excellent condition.

A bone of contention?

In my spare time I like to adopt the personality of bellowing mountaineer Brian Blessed.

Heavens to Betsy, maybe it was. Divine intervention methinks.

Sorry Pencil, I was referring to CK's rather negative opinion of our boys in blue.

I do hope that you are not referring to the fine body of men (and women) without whom you would be unemployed?

The man himself!

Good man, best place for her.

Well what do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing, you've told her twice already.

Ah happy days........

Aye, vicious buggers the lot of them.

Well I for one have every faith in CK's ability to 'get jiggy with it' over the festive period.

An observation which is sure to encourage comment from the fairer sex.

Indeed, his 'methods' leave a lot to be desired in this enlightened age.

Yep, about time the Old Bill carried guns, too many radgies on the loose these days.

Got me bang to rights there guv'nor.

Ah, you are familiar with the Colonel's 'technique' then?

How dare you sir! Bedlington is a veritable social hotbed. The Front Street is awash with blue-chip retailers, warm and welcoming pubs and some of the finest restaurants this side of The Tiber.

Hmmm some 'What The Butler Saw-style' bathing shenanigans eh?!